like smoke

[ ✄ - - - ]

“i know, hyung. i wasn’t trying to make you feel bad about it. you work really hard.” he just wished he didn’t have to, was all. jihan tipped the side of his head against jiwoo’s shoulder the next time he came swaying into him. “mhmm, i did see your mom’s prescription come in. if you took a shift last night, you have to have today off, right? i can bring it over to you during my break tonight so you won’t have to come back out to pick it up.”

and before jiwoo could cut in, he looked at him sharply. “and i accept payment in the form of pots of coffee, which is a neat coincidence, right? so we’ll get to your house, you give me my payment in advance, and then you sleep, and i’ll see you again in twelve hours. okay? okay.” he patted jiwoo’s arm and began to guide him along a crosswalk. “now. your worst customer of the day. go.”

jiwoo side eyed him. “you’re a pain in my ass, you know that.” he said bluntly as he hooked his arm under jihan’s and they walked down the sidewalk, although there wasn’t a whole lot of meanness behind it. jihan was right, even though sometimes jiwoo genuinely wondered if his insightfulness was on purpose like a question of what was scarier, jihan saying things that were true completely on accident or jihan being a good lie detector.

he looked straight ahead as jihan continued to speak, lips clammed together when jihan talked about seeing his mother’s prescription and offering to bring it to him. “what, like you’re gonna come to my place during your break? that’s in the middle of the night.” and true, yeah, they were all pretty nocturnal at this point, but he still worried whenever it was just one of them alone. and jihan especially? he ignored jihan’s attempt to block any refusal from his side and tried to find a compromise. “why don’t you just drop it off after your shift? my mom won’t need them until the morning anyway. i’ll still make you coffee at home and i’ll make you coffee tomorrow morning too when you come.”

he let jihan lead to help appease him, remembering how many times before he would try to change his mind about helping and fail since jihan was miraculously as stubborn as him. “worst customer of the day? he came after my shift ended and walked me home.” he said lightly, nudging jihan in the side. he seemed a little distracted, although jiwoo couldn’t tell if it was because he was thinking about his mom or if there was something else on his mind. “nah, it was this asshole who said he didn’t have the right number of waffles in his meal or whatever, even though i literally watched him eat them right before he came up to the counter.”

[ ✄ - - - ]

“rain. rain come here right now.” he called out to the younger, who in turn spun and ran back in his direction, slamming into his long legs as malachi placed a hand on his back looking for who the voice belong to. 

“uh…thanks” he uttered, a little concerned even going as far as to pick up the three-year-old and hold him close, just incase this stranger, had other intentions.

“this a common hang out spot or some shit?”

some tension left his posture once he saw the pair heard him and he watched the older one call the kid back. so was the kid’s name rain? jiwoo didn’t know a rain except a stranger who sometimes wrote letters in the gazette, however, that stranger probably was not this child. he watched the older pick him up, and couldn’t decide again if they looked like brothers or father and son. the older one looked fairly young, so would it be offensive if he assumed he was the kid’s dad?

( best not to comment on it at all. )

“yeah, no problem. you’re new around here i’m guessing?” jiwoo took one last drag of his cigarette before throwing it to the ground and crushing it beneath his boot, not wanting to be a bad influence on a kid that tiny. not that he was sure the older one, guardian or not, was too concerned about it when jiwoo heard him curse right in front of him. “eh. in the summer maybe, when everyone wants an instagram shot.” he said, waving his hand loosely above him. the sign was decrepit and ugly as fuck so he didn’t know why tourists didn’t just take pictures at the town hall or the beach or something. 

“that was one time,” he said with a tilt of his head, letting jiwoo feel the back of his neck if that meant it would erase that concern in his voice. he was hardly the one to be concerned here: jihan wasn’t the one who randomly took up their sixth shift in a row.

“i could get here with my eyes closed,” jihan said emphatically, holding eye contact so jiwoo could see how gravely serious he was, “or maybe even while on my bike or while backwards. maybe all three at the same time. i’m just sleepy ‘cause i didn’t pack enough coffee earlier.” he exhaled, trying to picture the sleepiness being dragged out of him with that exhale, before he bent down to untangle his bag from his legs and scooted out of the booth. he shook his head as he slung it over his shoulders. “what happened to not working more than five nights in a row?”

that really had to be against some labor laws, hadn’t it? if he wasn’t so invested in keeping his friends out of any holding cells, he might’ve threatened to tell someone about it– although a part of him, too, doubted that jiwoo would take him seriously anyway. “i actually thought i’d walk you home this time,” he hummed. he shoved his hands into his pockets, but he stuck out his elbow for jiwoo to take as they walked out of the diner, the bell ringing overhead. he didn’t say what he really thought, which was that he already worried enough about jiwoo taking care of his mother alone and he worried more when jiwoo never seemed too keen to take as good care of himself. that conversation would probably just go in circles.

outside, the sky was pinkening. at times like this, geojin bay looked like it really did deserve its other name, and that feeling that he could want to stay here for the rest of his life to watch every single sunset from this horizon felt realer in his hands for a moment, more feasible. then it slipped away, and jihan bit his lip, and he cast his gaze back to the sidewalk in front of him. “did you at least tell hangyeol you were working?” maybe, with luck, someone’s already expressed to jiwoo how bad of an idea it was.

“that’s already one time too many.” jiwoo deadpanned. “so you’re going to bike to me. backwards. with your eyes closed. yeah, i’d like to see that.” though he immediately remembered this was jihan he was talking to and started to backtrack, because he probably would. “never mind, please do not take that as a challenge, i completely believe you can do it.” 

he shot jihan a look when he mentioned not having enough coffee, when they were literally just talking about coffee two minutes ago. “why didn’t you mention that earlier huh? i could have poured a cup for you back there.” he would have stopped at that moment and gone back to the diner to do it but jihan was already walking ahead and holding his arm out, so jiwoo just sighed and caught up to him.

“i definitely remember it being my turn to get you home but fine, you caught me in a giving mood.” and he was too tired to fight it and honestly, even though he didn’t plan to admit it, jihan had a point and he probably ( definitely ) shouldn’t have taken up this shift. his eyes felt ready to shut at any moment and he caught himself lagging a few times in his steps and sometimes almost bumping into jihan’s side. accepting help was a bitter thing to swallow, but he had to remind himself that jihan didn’t think he was weak for doing so and that it was okay, he was allowed to feel relieved that he wasn’t going to arrive at home in utter silence. that the point of having friends was that so you didn’t have to go through stuff like this alone.

﹅   @nonevanished·   ✩     一    “Why did you come here?” !

     Struggle much?  Komi could hardly hold the bottle in her hand as she.. attempted.. to climb to the top of the pier without ripping one of her precious artificial nails. She had a rather difficult time trying to remember what got her in this situation in the first place - but it was a little too late to do anything else about it as she finally scooted her way onto the frame of the boardwalk, legs dangling through the holes to hover over Starfall Bay’s wondrous body of water.      “You looked kind of lonely,” was the instant response, “and it’s really dark out.” She permitted a sweet beam (completely out of character) towards the stranger’s direction in hopes to comfort the male that she wasn’t here for any negative purpose. It just so happened to be that she indulged on a late night walk with a bottle of champagne to keep her company and away from troubling thoughts of her future, but somehow came across him.      “Should I go? I just figured.. that no one really wants to be alone.”      “I have champagne…” she spoke quietly with the bottle gently placed onto the pier frame, as if that would benefit her in the situation; but who knows, maybe the lonesome boy needs some alcohol in his system to survive in such a small town.

Jiwoo heard her long before he saw her, and he could tell early that she wasn’t someone from Geojin Bay from how much she struggled. Did he feel bad about not helping her? Maybe, but also, by the time he finished chewing on a chip, she had actually made it up so all Jiwoo had to do was shift over a little so she had room so put her legs through the holes.

If Jiwoo hadn’t already figured out she was new, her only vaguely familiar smile would’ve sealed the deal. He remembered seeing her around lately maybe. Any other time, he wouldn’t have even acknowledged them at all in the hopes that the cold silence would just make them feel awkward enough to leave him alone but looking at the water mellowed him out. The chips helped too, his favorite honey butter, and she was intriguing enough with her fancy looking nails and champagne bottle that he decided he could deal with some company for a while. “Nah. You can stay if you want.” he said with a non committal shrug. “Honestly I’m kind of afraid you’ll do something to yourself trying to get back down after all that.”

it was one of the odd nights that hangyeol actually had off from the radio. sometimes, he made pre-mixes that would carry throughout the entire night, pre-recorded audio, too, that looped through the breaks and led into each song easily, like a woven thread. he really only tried to do it occasionally, felt like it wasn’t authentic if he wasn’t actually there, taking calls and speaking in the breaks and picking songs based on his mood, but. he was only one person, and his grandfather had even mentioned it a few times, that he needs to spend time with his friends, not always be glued to the mic. so he tried to let the sentiment cover over that ache in his chest that tends to appear, usually would curl up with a movie or spend a couple hours writing in his journal, hunkered down at his laptop, but the text from jiwoo inviting him out to paint sounded just about perfect as soon as it flickered onto his screen.

something to get him out of his mind, use his hands, lungs full of evening air and smoke and that comfortable familiarity of having jiwoo at his side, all of those years stacking together to make hangyeol feel like being around him was as easy as breathing. so he pulls on some dark clothes and boots, a hoodie too, brings it up over his hair after fitting a beanie down over the bright strands to ensure that they’ve covered. rifling through his backpack to make sure everything he usually brought hadn’t been thrown out– it’s then that his phone vibrates in his pocket, jiwoo’s text lighting up the screen, fluorescents curving along the edges of his face.

you better have candy. almost out. he texts back, shoving it back into his pocket and throwing his backpack over his shoulder. hangyeol’s shoving his feet into his heavy boots and grabbing his keys before coming out of the back of the arcade, eyes swooping to find jiwoo’s figure reclined against the wall. even with the shoes, he’s still guiding his eyes upwards, scrunches his nose up and reaches out to tug gently at his sleeve. “hiya,” he mumbles, locks the door and leans to bump his shoulder against his arm when he’s done with it, shoving it into his pocket with freshly painted nails.

“c’mon. got a spot planned for tonight yet, or do you just want to start wherever looks about right?” he asks, and nods over in the direction of the trash cans as he starts walking. “i think there’s a raccoon family now. i’ve been leaving out food for them, but like. don’t tell anyone. but there’s a baby. i saw him, like, staring out of the dumpster at me the other night,” hangyeol’s kicking an errant soda can over towards the wall, other hand going into one of his pockets, too.

“either that or it’s like, a werewolf or something. oh, i guess it could be a vampire, too. gonna come and ask me to spray paint one night, and i’m gonna have fangs. though. it could be kinda cool, now that i think about it,” he’s rambling, probably a result of being quiet for so long before this, everything in his mind spilling out now as his boots scuff against the concrete.

when his phone screen lights up with the text it takes little more than a few seconds to read, pulling a soft amused huff from his lips. when have i ever forgotten my bribing material. he shoots back. true enough, there was a zip tie bag he kept in a designated pocket of his backpack ( he never developed a sweet tooth himself, but of course being friends with one as severe as hangyeol had him carrying a bag around almost everywhere now, go figure ) . 

though not like hangyeol needed much bribing for nights out like this, he felt. jiwoo knew all about situational friendships, hell, probably every other friend he ‘made’ in this town was out of having to see each other at the same school or job or...you know, town, but hangyeol was one of the few who he didn’t have to bullshit. like he understood the same things...or had similar issues. ( or so jiwoo presumed anyway. he just couldn’t imagine a well adjusted individual willingly risking their reputation to go spraying up some walls. )

he’s scrolling through his phone when he hears a door open. normally the sound would make him look up warily but the knowledge that it’s only hangyeol around here makes him feel more secure about it. he sends the message off to his mom ( going to be out late with a friend, remember to take your pills when you wake up, love you. ) before he pockets his phone and looks up to find hangyeol in the dark. as always, the sight of his brightly colored hair still peeking out from his beanie makes jiwoo smirk in amusement.

“well, i heard another shop down the boardwalk closed down, apparently it’s gonna be replaced by some trinket company coming from out of town.” which, perfect, because the last thing they need is definitely another pointless t shirt shop. “thought we could leave a housewarming gift on the building for the new owners if you’re up for that.”

[ ✄ - - - ]

“hey, hyung.” he yawned as he resurfaced from the jacket, half-heartedly trying to fold it before offering it back to jiwoo. “i was having this dream… a wizard put fur in my mouth,” he tried to explain. “my wallet’s down here with my bag, ‘course, just like you told me, remember?” he thumped his legs around the bag sitting between his feet, its handles looped around his ankles for safekeeping. then he paused, and he shot a confused look up at jiwoo. jiwoo looked tired, the kind of tired he usually looked after working a shift, which only added to his confusion. “why?” he asked, just as his train of thought arrived at the worst possible answer. “did i forget to pay for coffee?”

“hey.” his voice was unimpressed but anyone who knew him long enough could be able to tell that there was concern buried in it. he glanced under the table and snorted quietly when jihan mentioned his bag. “yeah, i see that, good. just wanted to make sure you didn’t ‘lose’ it again.” 

he paused at jihan’s question and raised an eyebrow, noticing the distinct absence of coffee cups near his table. “no? i didn’t see your coffee order come in unless you decided to get something new. or a wizard.” he frowned. “do you even remember how you got here? never mind, don’t answer that. you sound more out of it than usual, are you ok?” he cupped his hand around the back of jihan’s neck to feel for a temperature, he knew jihan liked to claim he couldn’t get sick and hated admitting when he actually did. but his temperature felt fine and he looked mostly fine too, tired of course, but that was the usual when they worked through the night. he had a feeling if he pointed it out jihan would just turn the question on him.

he sighed and gave jihan a light pat. “come on, let’s get you home. don’t trip on your bag.” he warned as he stepped back to let jihan up. this was why he needed to earn enough for a car soon, he could do more whenever his friends collapsed after a long shift. he could always carry jihan like one of the flour sacks in the kitchen but the problem was he felt pretty damn close to collapsing too. a car would just solve both problems ( and of course the larger problem of how he was ever going to get out of town someday. but until then, it would really do wonders here ) . the last time he really felt like he actually succeeded at looking after jihan was when they first met, which wasn’t even on purpose, and every time since then had been jihan looking after him, sticking up for him, insisting he was a good friend when he knew exactly how absurd it was that he was anyone’s friend at all let alone two people’s.

of course jiwoo tried too, whenever jihan called him ' hyung ' he was painfully reminded he should be the one looking after him, but every time, jihan just felt out of his reach. or no, not out of his reach, but like jiwoo’s hands would just pass right through him and he was only tangible when he was the one patching up jiwoo’s wounds after he had done something stupid. so he tried in smaller ways instead. gave jihan reminders of little things, dropped off food for him at work. talking though, was not his forte, and when he could tell there was something on jihan’s mind just like this moment, he never knew how to ask. never knew how to get past the ‘yes, are you?’ that he would usually get as a reply.

it began, as usual, not with an idea but with too much time on his hands. it was his day off, but he was still on night shift mode and he couldn’t sleep, and idle hands were the devil’s workshop so it was said, and by this point it could be argued that jiwoo was the devil himself. 

starlight arcade was truly a sight when it wasn’t carnival or tourist season, it bummed the hell out of him in broad daylight and sometimes looked more haunted than that dusty haunted manor at night. if it weren’t for him knowing that was where hangyeol stayed, he probably would never step foot in it, he has seen enough horror movies where the characters made bad decisions involving things that looked like children’s toys, thanks. but hell, he had a couple of new paint cans jangling in the bag strapped over his shoulder and some plans with hangyeol tonight and no creepy looking arcade was going to make him back down now.

it was very possible it wasn’t good that he started to associated nights like this with times he felt especially frustrated. he knew in the back of his mind he couldn’t keep resorting to these kinds of things whenever he was angry at the world, but he would always say to himself, i’ll figure that out later though later would never come. and later definitely wasn’t tonight.

jiwoo stopped before the next streetlamp and made sure to avoid its radius as he slipped around the back of the arcade instead. he could have gone in through the front, maybe asked hangyeol to meet him there or just picked the lock, but he had also done this enough times now he could probably find his way through the garbage cans to get to hangyeol, and besides, he always thought to himself it was better to look like he was breaking in than like hangyeol was letting random people into the arcade. the last thing he wanted to do was piss off one of his only friends’ landlord. ( although jiwoo had considered just outright telling hangyeol he didn’t have to live in the back of an arcade and could crash at his place instead, but luckily he always remembered all of the good reasons why the back of an arcade would be better than his house. )

if there was one thing geojin bay was good for, it was that, the small town feeling went away when you walked up to the town sign, away from the town. you didn’t see anything out there, except the road and the mountains in the distance, it just looked like country. that was precisely why jiwoo made a point of sitting on the side of the sign that didn’t face the town. so he could pretend for one moment of bliss that he was on the road, and he had just stopped for a smoke break, and soon he would be riding over those very mountains in the distance.

yeah, it was a nicer fantasy when the sun was out. he pictured packing up his house into boxes he didn’t own and helping his mother into a car they didn’t have, and asking her where she wanted to go first before he started driving.

at night, it was just fantasies of walking out there, barefoot if he had to. they were angry and resentful and made his feet to feel like they were burning trying to break loose of chains - no, not break loose of chains, to drag the entire weight of his house with him. precisely why he’s been visiting it at day now. he knew he really needed to stop the doomsday thinking, it was doing nothing except make him feel worse than usual, but every time he tried to start on those meditation hacks a friend taught him, his mind kept wandering back anyway. he wondered what it would be like to be defined by something else other than this urge to get away.

he was about to pull out a smoke to distract himself when he heard the sound of someone approaching. even worse, it sounded like two someone’s approaching, and sure enough when he turned around there was a little kid with a ... larger kid. brothers maybe. he looked around jiwoo’s age if not younger and completely unfamiliar, which normally meant jiwoo’s cue to leave, but this wasn’t exactly a kid’s playground and they were about to walk past a pile of big rocks that he knew some wild animals sometimes sniffed out for food. jiwoo debated to himself for a second before he resigned to a decision. 

routine. for as long as jiwoo can remember there has been routine. there was sleep and wake and eat and work and home ( which was just a different kind of work ) , sometimes in a different order but anything could be routine when he followed it strictly for enough days. even the morning jogs or the impulsive treks he made to the flooded railroad or into starlight wood were part of the routine because they were part of the cycle of moods he swung between. acceptance then resentment then anger. rinse. repeat.

it was less unhealthy if it was at least structured right? timed like the controlled explosions of caves to fracture rock, wait too long in between and he might forget he's flesh underneath. and he didn't want to, no matter what the world thought it knew he wanted. there was still something left in him that was clean, separate, and hated the rest of him that circumstance fashioned into jagged parts. the part that sometimes wished it was easier to start over. if he could change something in time to help his mother before bad turned to worse or maybe if he could even change his father's actions. sometimes he wished for that even more than to get out of geojin bay, just a chance to change things, so at least he would feel like he had some control over his own life.

the shift he took tonight wasn't part of routine, but the bigger part of it - the needing money - was. at least his mood was decent these days, more tired than anything else but nothing worse than usual. so yeah, he just poured himself a cup of coffee before finally alerting the next shift's cook that he was leaving, since his mother was probably going to wake up soon after he got home and he would need to make sure she ate and took her meds. as he was about to leave though, he saw a familiar slumped form in one of the corner booths. he bit back a sigh.

jihan. one of his best friends, some how. ( about a decade ago, a ' how could you just start calling me your best friend ' somehow. now, a ' how are you still willingly my best friend ' somehow. ) this was their tradition to wait for each other when they both had night shifts, seeing as the convenience store and the diner were already in proximity, however jiwoo didn't remember telling him or hangyeol about his shift tonight. jihan should have gone home, already.

was born and raised here, so muses around his age could have had classes with him and witnessed how many fights he got into lol. as he got older it got somewhat better because he learned that if he dressed like a typical #badboy then people would leave him alone. or at least not gossip about him to his face (he hates that more than anything qwiueqjw)

abandonment issues but like it’s cool

works at the electric eclectic, figured he would put some of the cooking he learned from a young age to use and get paid for it at least. likes to stay in the kitchen area because he’s at least aware he’s not really a people person. makes the best coffee there, or so he likes to think

maybe wants to open up his own small diner someday and serve anyone for cheap, so anyone who couldn’t afford it could just come. he might not always express it well, but it’s part of his instinct to look after people after taking care of his mom so long

his main wish would be to get out of starlight bay. very original jiwoo!! nah but it would mean a lot to him, he especially wants to get his mom out of there cos he thinks that it’s all the associations to his dad who left them that keeps her from healing properly and he wants her to be able to move on and find new happiness.

protective of starlight bay tho no matter how much he hates being stuck there. doesn’t really like newcomers, he thinks they’re ruining the town. not at all because he's jealous they've been to other places!!!

actually doesn’t really like unfamiliar people in general, he just assumes everyone dislikes him at first, so he figures if he dislikes them too then it evens out *plays heavy metal clown music*

wanted connections

enemies....

he goes on early morning runs at the beach to get his mind off stuff, so muses he meets there

new customer at the diner who thinks he hates them because he made direct eye contact with them while they were waiting to be served then turned back around to “cook” even though there are no orders

we about to paint the town.... ra ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta.... ok i’ll stop. maybe someone he goes on little vandalism sprees with but this is a fine line for him, he’d help if it was a popular public tourist place because maybe it will drive them off <3 but longtime town buildings are not cool, he would probably go off on you if he caught you doing that

someone just as cool as him =) jk maybe they are both self proclaimed baddies but when they hang out they actually just do stupid shit and gossip about tourists yanno