#& thread.

routine. for as long as jiwoo can remember there has been routine. there was sleep and wake and eat and work and home ( which was just a different kind of work ) , sometimes in a different order but anything could be routine when he followed it strictly for enough days. even the morning jogs or the impulsive treks he made to the flooded railroad or into starlight wood were part of the routine because they were part of the cycle of moods he swung between. acceptance then resentment then anger. rinse. repeat.

it was less unhealthy if it was at least structured right? timed like the controlled explosions of caves to fracture rock, wait too long in between and he might forget he's flesh underneath. and he didn't want to, no matter what the world thought it knew he wanted. there was still something left in him that was clean, separate, and hated the rest of him that circumstance fashioned into jagged parts. the part that sometimes wished it was easier to start over. if he could change something in time to help his mother before bad turned to worse or maybe if he could even change his father's actions. sometimes he wished for that even more than to get out of geojin bay, just a chance to change things, so at least he would feel like he had some control over his own life.

the shift he took tonight wasn't part of routine, but the bigger part of it - the needing money - was. at least his mood was decent these days, more tired than anything else but nothing worse than usual. so yeah, he just poured himself a cup of coffee before finally alerting the next shift's cook that he was leaving, since his mother was probably going to wake up soon after he got home and he would need to make sure she ate and took her meds. as he was about to leave though, he saw a familiar slumped form in one of the corner booths. he bit back a sigh.

jihan. one of his best friends, some how. ( about a decade ago, a ' how could you just start calling me your best friend ' somehow. now, a ' how are you still willingly my best friend ' somehow. ) this was their tradition to wait for each other when they both had night shifts, seeing as the convenience store and the diner were already in proximity, however jiwoo didn't remember telling him or hangyeol about his shift tonight. jihan should have gone home, already.

the pressure of future dreams is gone, and junhwan is free to return to his usual state of mind -- after, like, a whole three months of self deprecation. he’s more relaxed than he has been in a long time, reassured in his position by the advent of whatever the hell the company has cooking up backstage.

meanwhile, as he prepares to perform covers for the company’s stupid secret project, whatever the hell they’re up to, half of the guys he was on future dreams with are getting ready to debut. he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t at least a little jealous -- toxicity comes so naturally to him, after all -- but he doesn’t care much for the demos or practices he’s heard of v&a’s debuts. that, admittedly, makes him nervous for his own potential debut, but he’s fine for now. shine and my house are songs he likes; he’ll take that. one of the v&a guys, @lgcharu, is a good guy. he’s someone junhwan doesn’t really know that well, someone who he’d like to know better, but before now, he’d been so sucked into his own shit that he couldn’t get to know anybody new. 

now, it’s okay. the pressure’s off, and he can use these stupid interview training things to pull people aside. 

        ✨ for @lgcxmiyeon, jiwoo’s versatility workshop.

jiwoo wonders if maybe she’s been too ambitious. for her first time running a workshop of any kind, she probably should have chosen something a little less theoretically intricate than the idea of actors as asset. that being said ... it’s been fun. she started the workshop by getting everyone to sit in a circle -- so typical -- and discuss their ideas of the body. she was met with a lot of silence, so she talked a bit about the concept of the neutral body, the way a body exits neutrality, and if that exit applies to the idea of character alone, when many plays and musicals utilize their choruses as stage elements, becoming a many armed tree, as their accompaniment, with instruments dotted around the stage for the cast to pick up and play, or as crew, in a sense, choreographing scene changes performed by the actors like the interim between beats is a dance itself. after their minds are thoroughly engaged, she leads them in a physical warm up. quick, embarrassment curing drama games to start, followed by a round of effects being thrown at them that she wanted to see them perform with their bodies, pushing them out of neutral. 

now, as the attendees split off into groups, given prompts from her that are, admittedly, pretty vague, but are purposely made that way, jiwoo smiles. it’s more interesting to see what they scenes they can create with physicality alone -- extra actors standing in a line off to the side, arms up to hold onto an invisible loop create a bus or a train in a modern play. a clump of people together, ferally crouched with talon bent fingers, hissing at the action around them might create the atmosphere of a dangerous, enchanted forest suited to a shakespearean production. bare sets are trendier in straight plays more than they are in musicals, but there’s been musicals that utilize them too. working with the bare minimum of props is something that actors need, especially as devised theatre where the collective acts as director becomes more popular. 

time to help out her students! they have twenty minutes to create their five minute scenes, which will be presented during the last fifteen minutes of class.

              “That perfume makes me want to choke on cow shit.” At least he’s not a liar.

        ☠️ for @lgcnathan, sports festival fan gift.

this shit is so boring. he really should’ve thought twice about this stupid mixtape idea before he went ahead and roped nathan into it. so lame -- he’s only able to use company artist music since burning copies of other people’s music all mixed up together would be highly fucking illegal, but to be honest, that’s probably for the best. his own taste isn’t necessarily too suitable for the wholesome family fun sports day event vibe. he’s been listening to a lot of grime and punk influenced music as of late, even when his head should definitely be in idol music mode, now more than ever. 

he has a bad feeling about future dreams, though. whether that’s warranted or completely paranoia based has yet to be revealed. idol music just hasn’t been comforting him at all as of late. he has too much brewing beneath the surface, more than can be contained by his body or songs about nailing someone being packaged as music about real love. 

lame.

he signs his name on the front of the blank, otherwise brandless cd with a sigh, craning his neck to look at the stack off to the side. 

          ✨ for @lgcseolmi, lgc babysitting services.

jiwoo feels a little silly, hidden behind a tiny kitchen play-set, wearing wolf ears and wolf paw gloves. to complete the look, she’s wearing a fluffy grey hoodie dress that reaches her knees, and has attached a wolf nose over her own using an elastic band that wraps around her head. underneath her dress, jiwoo is wearing most of her grandma costume -- the calf length checkered skirt is folded over and pinned up to keep it hidden, and her frilly shirt’s scalloped edge collar is unbuttoned almost to her bra so that it doesn’t peek out. it moves around a lot though. she’ll have to keep an eye on it. her grey wig and apron are waiting for her in her quick change spot, all the way at the end of the trail through the entire daycare that acts as their stage.

yeah, she feels a little silly, but ... this was mostly her idea. seolmi suggested they do children’s theatre, and jiwoo, being her overachieving self, had ran with it and taken it too far. so now, she’s crouching down, wolfishly peering through the small gaps in the kitchen as she waits for her cue. 

seolmi is little red riding hood, so she gets to lead the kids through the daycare centre, and turn it into a woodland scene in their minds, aided by the meager paper props that they’d let the children help them construct. it’s jiwoo’s job to scare them.

          ☠️ for @lgchanbyul.

he’s been shoved off his trajectory, and now feels strangely out of place in the company building, despite the fact that he’s been wandering them for years now already. it’s funny -- in the days that have passed, junhwan has been experiencing a creeping feeling of inevitability. like, him ending up here was always going to happen. he can’t call it acceptance, because it’s far from that. if junhwan is grieving the path he’d imagined for himself, he’d place himself at either the stage of anger or depression.

the whole catastrophe does feel suspiciously like a cruel sign of some sorts, drilling at the back of his brain as he drags his feet through the various versatility workshops. he’s always at the back of the room, still tentative to show his face in front of the others. a sign that he’s taking the wrong route. 

but the idea of switching lanes again terrifies him, even if it would be his choice this time. it might be best to just do what he’s always done: absolutely nothing.

his sulking must be getting old already, though.