#slvtty text

I had a really bleh orgasm last night. It was sort of forced and didn’t really feel all that good. I knew that I wanted to start denial again this weekend sometime but had kinda sorta mentally planned to have one last really fantastic orgasm. A reminder of what I was taking away. That is not what happened.

This past week was really chaotic for me, so I’m sure that had a part to play, but I could barely edge. It was almost impossible for me to get turned on. I didn’t really have any desire to touch much. Most orgasms I had were with a vibe because I needed to force them out. There were no fun toys, no fun anal, no fun anything. It was all very wham bam thank you ma’am. A check off of my to do list.

My favorite fuzzy feeling that I get when in denial felt really out of my grasp during that reset. I almost felt a little disconnected from my body. Which is sort of an insane thing to say. “Orgasms make me feel disconnected from myself” said no one ever except apparently me.

Which brings me to last night. I hadn’t planned to start denial but after that lame as fuck orgasm, I said to hell with it and decided to just…be denied again. The mental shift from “I can cum whenever” to “you’re not cumming for a while bby so buckle up” is apparently all it takes. . I woke up aching, I woke up wet, I woke up needy. Just from telling myself that I was in denial again. A horrible orgasm and a simple start of the clock.

I was starting to drop a little more than I’d like and a little more than was sustainable for me doing this by myself. So I decided a few days ago that I’d make it to a month. Even though I wanted to go longer, I knew it was time to pause denial for a lil bit. I’m definitely a little sad, I can’t lie. But I have to make sure I’m taking care of myself just the same as if I was in a dynamic.