I sometimes say things :)

i’m going to be really honest with you guys i think the tendency to read the absolute worst possible intentions into every action you don’t agree with is getting too automatic and it’s eating you from the inside out

Not now, kitten, m- da- m- your parental figure is in the middle of a gender crisis

"Whimsy" is truly a wretched term. What maketh thee so carefree?

thy mother

Art thou for fucking real

villain character who has a last minute change of heart and sacrifices their life to defeat an even bigger bad but it entirely does not land as a redemption with the heroes. the heroes are just like "oh hell yeah two birds with one stone. thank fucking god i really didnt wanna have to deal with that guy anymore. good riddance."

yeah, sure, it was the "power of friendship" that defeated you, and not my super cool "mega bone explosions" spell that I worked really hard on, whatever idiot

Love when you try to take a screenshot but fuck up the timing of the volume down lock button combo and are left sitting there with slightly softer music and a black screen and you just have to sit there looking at your reflection on the locked phone and contemplate your failure for a bit

i am always one wrong word away from being shot by all the people who find me tolerable

Intelligent alien species based on bugs but specifically those moths that don’t have mouths and only live for a week after they pupate. This species’ whole conscious life is actually in the larval phase; larvae are the ones considered people, larvae are the ones with conscious and complex brains who build society, and each instar of the larva is treated as a different phase of life. Larvae become emotionally and socially and cognitively mature without ever becoming sexually mature. When they pupate, they metamorphose into something different and strange and close to mindless, with no mouth and no digestive system, whose only instincts are to mate and then quickly die. Metamorphosis is treated, functionally, like a person’s death, and the imago phase is a kind of proto-afterlife of majestic flight and the continuation of the species. Birth and death inextricably intertwined. Sex is not something people do during their lives, it’s a thing that is done as an imago after you’ve passed on from your life but before you return to the soil in death. Resultant eggs are collected by family members to raise. I think this would be fun.

going on a guilt trip do yall want anything

if you really cared about me you wouldn't have to ask

affirmations they will not kill me at work today. it is not in my job description to get killed. if they did kill me at work that would be weird and probably not worth it for them

a long distance friend is kind of a dead wife in a way

people in fiction are always making plans like "how about tuesday?" and then leaving without elaborating. what time? where? do you even have each other's numbers? deeply stressful

im a simple man i like when things are shaped like other things. stool shaped like a mushroom. pillows shaped like fruit. salt and pepper shaker shaped like two friends hugging. in my ideal world i will have a house stocked entirely with novelty objects shaped like other objects and it will be beautiful.