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How much longer do you want to wait? Sometimes just getting started is enough.
i donât know what other queer folks might need to hear this, but your sexual desire for someone doesnât contaminate your love for them and it doesnât mean you donât respect them or see them as a complete person. and you wouldnât be better or purer if you could love without wanting them in that way also. queer sexuality is not a contaminant that ruins queer love.Â
you can fall in love at 30. you can discover your true passion at 40. you can go back to school at 50. you can learn to draw, or paint, or sing at 60. relax. just because you didnât do most, or any, of the things considered âyoung adult milestonesâ doesnât mean you never will. thereâs no time limit on happiness.
because apparently I have to say it:
Testosterone is not a âviolentâ hormone. It doesnât make you âmore aggressiveâ or a worse person, it doesnât make you âdangerousâ or âtoxicâ.
Transmascs do not need to be âwarned of the dangers of Tâ. We do not need to spend our transitions terrified that weâre going to become a danger to those around us- that HRT is going to turn us into a monster.
Everyone experiences mood swings during hormonal shifts (pregnancy, menstruation, menopause, estrogen HRT, etc.) and while you might have grumpy moments or feel anger/frustration that you need to learn to handle differently, that doesnât make you a bad person.
Testosterone can change the way you access/process emotions somewhat, but if youâre already thoughtful about how you handle your feelings and treat others, youâre going to be fine. Itâs normal to lash out on occasion, by accident, and then apologize & work to do better. It doesnât make you a bad person. Everyone on HRT is prone to this, and everyone experiencing hormonal changes is prone to this.
Getting HRT should be positive and affirming; you should not have to spend your entire transition terrified of becoming a monster.
the big danger of T is that needle ouchy

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People horrifically fucking up facts about evolution and genetics too support their stupid beliefs or to seem smart and ârationalâ is probably one of my big pet peevesÂ
Yeah. An enormous number of racists, misogynists, homophobes and transphobes Iâve met eventually whip out something about evolutionary biology and they never, ever, ever, ever have the slightest shadow of even a half-right idea what any of it means or ever cite a claim ever actually made by a scientific study.
Hereâs a quick handy reference list or anyone who isnât sure:
Homosexuality does exist in almost all social species.
âAlpha malesâ are not a real phenomenon and in fact the most aggressive males tend to be the least reproductively successful.
âSurvival of the fittestâ simply means that the success of a species hinges on how well it âfitsâ its environment. It does not mean that stronger or smarter individuals are supposed to succeed. Those things can even be a detriment in nature by wasting too many resources.
âRaceâ is not a biological concept. Someone who looks different from you has the same human genes, just a different grab-bag of dominant traits.
Evolution is not a march towards higher complexity, more intelligence or even more adaptability. Itâs just a fluctuation of characteristics dictated by environmental pressures and mutation. A slime mold isnât âless evolvedâ than a hawk, just adapted for success under different parameters.
People didnât evolve âfrom apes.â Itâs more complicated than that. We are a category of ape, sharing a common ancestor with the other apes.
No human on Earth is âcloserâ to an evolutionary ancestor than any other. We all descended from the same one.
Neanderthals were also a âsiblingâ species of ours. We didnât evolve from them.
Some of us did, however, cross-breed with Neandethal man. It is exclusively non-African races, such as white people, who still carry hybrid human/Neanderthal genes. Whoops, sorry âwhite purityâ skinheads, youâre actually mixed with a whole other species.
Some more stuff!
Humans are actually more genetically homogeneous than most people suspect. This is possibly due to a population bottleneck at some point in our evolutionary past. Two chimpanzees from different sides of a jungle are likely more genetically different to each other than any two human beings in the world.
Our big brains may help us use tools, but what was really principal in their development was the need for empathy, communication, and cooperation.
Humans. Are. Social. So social it drove an incredibly energetically costly increase in our brain size. Donât believe anyone who says its our nature to fight âevery man for themself.â Weâre humans, not bears. We fight for each other.
And we always have. Fossil remains are found of ancient humans who bore signs of crucial mobility impairments that lived to notable ages. Some even have sticks or other mobility aids â community care and support is our way. We donât cast off those with impairments, we stand by them.
Human sexual dimorphism is on a decreasing trend. Our ancestors had greater difference in canine size and overall size. Our dimorphism gap has gotten smaller.
Occamâs razor is the principal that whatever is the simplest explanation is probably the most likely one. Donât believe someone who says the reason we evolved bipedalism is so that males could carry gifts to females to woo them. Yes, this is a real âtheoryâ on how bipedalism evolved.
Skin tone is an adaptation of UV levels vs vitamin D levels. Both come from the sun. UV is harmful, so where sun is plentiful populations develop a darker skin tone for more protection. The skin needs sun to create vitamin D, so where sun is scarce, the skin tone lightens to allow more sun in. This is literally all it is.
Final thing: No oneâs mind is really equipped to fully understand how long a billion years is, or a million, or even tens of thousands of years. Evolution takes place over a loooong time. Its very, very, slow, slower than we can really comprehend. We canât âstand in the wayâ of natural selection by caring for our ill. We donât need to âhelpâ evolution in any way. It inevitably happens, but not on any sort of timescale we could possibly affect, so donât fall for anyone that tells you not to âstand in the wayâ of natural selection. Thatâs fascism, and its utterly pseudo-scientific.
Not to mention natural selection doesnât have a âwillâ that you can stand in the way of. Its not an entity with wants, its a millions-year long process. And its impossible for our decisions to âstand in its way.â Our decisions to care for one another are what brought our species where it is, plain and simple.
While cleaning out my room I found a paper that my therapist gave me some time ago to deal with obsessive and intrusive thoughts. Sorry the paper is a little crinkled and stained, but I figured Iâd post it in hopes that it will help someone like it helped me.
Here it is again with text for anyone who canât see the picture
That thought isnât helpful right now.
Now is not the time to think about it. I can think about it later.
This is irrational. Iâm going to let it go.
I wonât argue with an irrational thought.
This is not an emergency. I can slow down and think clearly about what I need.
This feels threatening and urgent, but it really isnât.
I donât have to be perfect to be OK.
I donât have to figure out this question. The best thing to do is just drop it.
Itâs OK to make mistakes.
I already know from my past experiences that these fears are irrational.
I have to take risks in order to be free. Iâm willing to take this risk.
Itâs OK that I just had that thought/image, and it doesnât mean anything. I donât have to pay attention to it.
Iâm ready to move on now.
I can handle being wrong.
I donât have to suffer like this. I deserve to feel comfortable.
Thatâs not my responsibility.
Thatâs not my problem.
Iâve done the best I can.
Itâs good practice to let go of this worry. I want to practice.
This was very helpful. I especially like the âI have to take risks in order to be free.â OCD can be scary sometimes (all the time)

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âI imagine one of the reasons people cling to their hates so stubbornly is because they sense, once hate is gone, they will be forced to deal with pain.â
â James Baldwin, Notes of a Native Son (via quotespile)
Do not punish the behaviour you want to see
I mean, it seems pretty obvious when you put it like that, right?
But how many families, when an introvert sibling or child makes an effort to socialize, snarkily say, âSo, youâve decided to join usâ?
Or when someone does something theyâve had trouble doing, say, âWhy canât you do that all the time?â (Happened to me, too often.)
Or any sentence containing the word âfinallyâ.Â
If someone makes a step, a small step, in a direction you want to encourage, encourage it. Donât complain about how itâs not enough. Donât bring up previous stuff. Encourage it.
Because I swear to fucking god there is nothing more soul-killing, more motivation-crushing, than struggling to succeed and finding out that success and failure are both punished.

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Dealing With Executive Dysfunction - A Masterpost
The âgetting it done in an unconventional wayâ method.
The âitâs not cheating to do it the easy wayâ method.
The âfuck what youâre supposed to doâ method.
The âget stuff done while you waitâ method.
The âyou donât have to do everything at onceâ method.
The âit doesnât have to be permanent to be helpfulâ method.
The âbreak the task into smaller stepsâ method.
The âtreat yourself like a petâ method.
The âit doesnât have to be all or nothingâ method.
The âput on a personaâ method.
The âact like youâre filming a tutorialâ method.
The âyou donât have to do it perfectlyâ method.
The âwait for a triggerâ method.
The âdo it for your future selfâ method.
The âmight as wellâ method.
The âwhen self discipline doesnât cut itâ method.
The âtaking care of yourself to take care of your petâ method.
The âmake it easyâ method.
The âjunebuggingâ method.
The âjust show upâ method.
The âaccept when you need helpâ method.
The âmake it into a gameâ method.
The âeverything worth doing is worth doing poorlyâ method.
The âtrick yourselfâ method.
The âbreak it into even smaller stepsâ method.
The âlet go of shouldâ method.
The âyour body is an animal you have to take care ofâ method.
The âfork theoryâ method.
The âeffectivity over aestheticsâ method.
having a lot of thoughts about this weekâs ask polly
[Image transcription:
Sometimes human connection isnât that complicated. Sometimes itâs just about stepping back and asking the other person: âWhat do I mean to you? What do you see in me? Why do you think we landed here?â
Most people think that love follows some triumphant story line: You meet and youâre in love and everything unfolds according to plan. But love is just two imperfect people, feeling their way in the dark together. Love is a calamity. You fall in love, and it turns out the person youâre with is deeply flawed. You fall in love, and it turns out you are deeply flawed. You think that means nothing is magical anymore, but it really means that the magic has just begun.
This is not the end of a love story. This is the very beginning.
End transcription]