Giant life update of the past 2 or so years
Hey everyone. It's been a while since I posted a big life update here, sooo here it is.
To be honest, it's been rough. It's been messy. Both inside and out.
In some ways, things have been good, or great even. My bond with my spouse is as strong as it's ever been, I feel secure in my job and sure of my talents, I'm in a good house and I know I have friends and family that care about me.
But in other ways... there's a lot that needs to be worked through. Primarily, unfortunately, it's financial problems. Starting in 2022, my spouse started to have a series of medical issues. There were multiple urgent care visits, a rush to the ER once, and over a dozen medical tests were performed. So many of these visits and tests told us "it's not this" and "it's not that", it took us so long until we finally got some answers and a path forward about how to get my spouse back to feeling okay. So while a majority of that whole episode is behind us, what's not is the mountain of medical bills that occurred as a result, and the strain those put on our finances overall. We're still not out of the woods medically either as my spouse has a kinda big surgery next month and there's likely to be more tests and procedures in the future, which is going to continue to mean more medical bills. My spouse hasn't been able to work consistently during all this time either, which has also contributed to the lack of income to cover everything we have.
We've gotten help from family at various points over the past year or so, which has helped a lot... but a lot of the time recently, the best it's done is just keep our heads barely above the water. Our dog's been having an allergy problem the past few months that I would've liked to bring him to the vet for, but that costs money to do. I have my own medical issues I want to work on, but I don't want even more medical bills there either. My spouse and I have never had a proper honeymoon. As you can imagine, not being able to pursue all these things and more, and the constant feeling of teetering financially for the past year and beyond, it's caused a lot of stress and anxiety for me.
It's not the only thing that's been eating at me either. I'm turning 30 next month, and it's caused me to feel more reflective over the past few months. I know I still have a decent portion of my life left, but I worry about how much time I do still have left to accomplish the various things I've wanted to do. I have very few regrets about what I've done so far in my life, but at the same time, I can't ignore that looking back, I see a number of half-finished projects and ideas that are nothing more than a few paragraphs jotted down somewhere. I'm proud of the skills I have, but there's so many skills I want to learn, so many things I want to see or do, and I don't know how I'll have room in the rest of my life for it all. A lot of that is, unfortunately, the human experience, but it still sucks to verbalize, you know?
I've been so caught up in my stress and emotions and what's going on immediately in front of me that I've not been reaching out to friends, and I haven't been responding to friends who reach out to me. I want to throw events and invite friends and do stuff, like a 30th birthday party for example, but a lot of that involves spending money.
So yeah, there's been a lot. If you've been wondering why you haven't heard from me, that's pretty much why. There's so much more than I can say, but you get the picture. I know that I need to be grateful for a number of things – some of the problems others have, I already have solved. I've been working on feeling more in tune with my emotions and with the world around me, and as a result, I've often felt a lot more grounded. It's probably the only reason why I haven't been freaking out more lol. And I also know that all things in life is a roller coaster, and I'll probably have a very different update to give in 5 years.
But despite the gratefulness and the groundedness... this is a post of me talking about me. And I'm not doing as great as I could be. I'm hoping things will turn around more in 2025.
