A Day In The Life Of Nola

Certain events over the past few years have put me in a position to seriously reevaluate the choices I have made over the last 25 years of my life.

I married the man I’d been with at the time for 19years and now almost 6 years into the marriage

I question whether or not, he actually ever loved me .

I don’t think he does.

I’m going to leave, I should’ve Left a long time ago

No Drama No BS just happy and peaceful,

And I’d rather Cut yo ass off then allow you to do anything to interfere with my being happy 

It’s been almost 2 years since my son was murdered by my neighbor. A few days ago we wrapped up in court and that sorry bastard was given 32years.

I thought I would have some closure or something.

I thought I would feel some sense of vindication or validation once justice was served, but I don’t.

The truth is Nothing is going to make me feel better

Except having my son back .

And no one can do that .

So I’m left here having to learn to live with a broken heart.

It’s not easy living without him. He was still so young and the piece of shit that did this has been my neighbor for at least 10 years. He knew me , he knew my son . He’s 54 years old, and I thought I could trust him. This has taught me one thing .YOU CANT TRUST NO ONE EVER.

This is cool

I’m still not to sure what this platform is for me

Other than a place where I can vent

Which I’m happy for

Thanks tumblr lol

The whole fake of it all. The anxiety that starts to set in about 3 days after Halloween ,and continues to fester like a boil all the way up threw the first of the new year. The pressure to go out spend money that I don’t have , to buy gifts that people probably don’t really care about, for folks that most likely won’t buy me anything anyways.

My mailbox gets stuffed with cheesy Christmas cards, and enough advertising mailers to papier-mâché a tiny replica of my hometown in one month.

I mean really ! When did “ Christmas “ become synonymous with extreme credit card debt , awkward phone calls from distant relatives that invite you to get togethers that never happened and end with request to barrow money . And pump you for donations for little Bobby’s annual fundraiser for the park sponsored football team; that has never won more than 2 games in a season.

I didn’t .

So what! He pled guilty, it didn’t bring you back to me .

I’m still learning how to live without you

My heart is still broken and I’m still left with questions .

There’s no suck thing as justice

I thought I had coveted all my bases.

I just knew that I had everything covered.

I anticipated the X factor and it was not going to win!

But I was wrong

I didn’t think of everything , while I was trying to teach you how to be without me

I neglected teaching myself how to

Walk this earth without you.

Your absence is noticed 

A piece of me died with you that night

I love son

I do my best to put my best foot forward but

My legs feel a little week still

I want you to rest In peace

I know that I’ll see you soon