Chronic Migraine Diary

I’ve been tumblr dead for like years now and so much has happened. I’ve been sent to the hospital twice since December 2016 for bipolar related crises, in the span of a year I spent a total of two months in a psych hospital in my hometown trying to find the right combo of meds, fortunately we think we have (my ass is on lithium for life). My wedding has been put off because of all of this (and some bad manic decisions) but my fiancé has stayed with me through it all. My migraines have still been landing me in the ER at least once a month but I see my neuro in a couple weeks and am gonna ask about the new injection thing so we’ll see. I just quit my job over some bullshit so I’m unemployed and turn twenty five in about two weeks so I have a year to find health insurance or I’m royally fucked. Basically life has been crazy, not super positive when I spell it out but overall I feel good. I feel like my psych meds are starting to really work, my neuro is gonna help in someway this time, and me leaving my job was the best thing for my mental (and therefore physical) health. Things are gonna be okay. Being here is gonna help.

Thank you so much, I have just been crazy busy and when I'm not running around its because my migraines have me knocked out. I did get a referral to iMATCH at Cleveland Clinic and am just fighting the insurance battles about it now. It is a program that I think holds a lot of promise and I'm very excited about the possibility for relief that is held there. I wish you lots of extra spoons & highly recommend looking into a headache center, there is no harm in exploring a new path toward relief. 😚😚😚

So I've been gone because I've been super busy being newly engaged & trying to figure out how to plan and pay for a wedding fifteen months from now! I'm going to try to be better about being active on here again but it's just been a whirlwind the last few weeks. I couldn't be happier despite an upswing in migraine days lately 💜💜💜

I see my neurologist this week & I'm going to demand a referral to a headache center. There has to be some relief from this misery. I'll settle for even slightly more functional.

Strongly debating going back to school from criminology and psychology. I've been interested in it for so long and always just said "ohh I'm not healthy enough". Well I'm done not being healthy enough. Busting my ass to get to a good spot so nothing in my life ever becomes "off limits" due to my health in my mind ever again.

My life is weird as all hell.

Me: ...sorry...bye.

Nick is leaving tonight to go back to Michigan, I am not well enough or financially stable enough to join him just yet but I'll be there soon too. We have been packing and cleaning our tiny one bedroom apartment for days now because I never have enough spoons to just get it done. So now I'm heading to the laundromat to finish the last couple loads of laundry before we pack our life into his jeep and he drives away with it. I hate that I am sick. I hate that I am too broke to have any lapse in my employment. I hate that I can't just get a retail job there like a normal person and go with him tonight.

Everything I want in life is in direct opposition of something else I want. I can't be in multiple places at once, I can't make everyone I love follow me anywhere I go. I thought that my life was set & here I am in emotional turmoil over the same damn thing I was struggling with a year ago. There is no solution. There is no one big happy family. There is always a piece of my heart three hundred miles away no matter where I go.

I should have stayed for another bag at the hospital last night because I'm feeling like hell again tonight and I won't be surprised if I end up right back there again.

Went into this year with a migraine that landed me in the hospital. This year I am fighting to get my life back to at the very least a semi functioning level.