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But Noemi’s apology didn’t turn the tide of self-pity he had been riding, didn’t answer the constant questions that had been nagging at him. “You didn’t freak me out,” It was true. “You lowkey hurt my feelings.” 

Being honest felt weird; made him feel like one of those crying sorority girls after a party. Ready to say anything, ready to spill his guts to whoever would listen. He wanted Noemi to listen— why them? He couldn’t quite explain. There was just… something about them, something that made Shepherd feel close, even at arms’ length. “Will you tell me?” His voice was quieter than he would’ve liked. “What you thought?” 

"It wasn't you," was the first thing that came to her mind. They didn't know what would have come if she had answered just one of his texts. If she had accepted another ride home. Maybe they would have gone to the party together, hand in hand. Maybe they would have been a family. She'd be someone's partner for once. She'd be normal. "I don't know. I guess I was just scared." That was an oversimplification of it.

"If I think somebody won't stick around, I just..." she trailed off, making a vague motion with one hand, "Beat them to it. And with all due respect, I didn't want to be some joke." It sounded colder aloud than it felt inside their head. It wasn't that Noemi thought he would make her a joke, but there was a clear hierarchy at Saint Rivera. She wasn't going to be the one to shake it up.

When he asked what was wrong with him, she looked over so quickly it was a little startling. "What?" There wasn't any pity or sympathy in her voice, only confusion. "There's nothing wrong with you." Greater than they thought they were worth, and if they had to take a stab at it, they would think they weren't the first to think that. "I can't speak for everyone you've ever been with, but I really enjoyed being with you. I'm just not—," she paused, letting out an exhale through her nose.

"I'm not romantic; I've never been a particularly good girlfriend, and I thought I was saving you from that. That you'd resent me if it went past hooking up." She wasn't lying to him, but she was skating over the overarching truth. "Lucas, I think you're a really great person, and I really am sorry if I contributed to you thinking otherwise."

   then her comment about his troubleshooting made him blink. "yeah, i was just ⸻ i was trying to figure out if i was allowed to say congratulations." a beat. "but i think i'm allowed to say that i'm glad you told me." that seemed easier, more certain. his gaze drifted back toward the tentacles. one of them had fallen dramatically toward the floor, its plush body dragging against the tile with every step. gabe looked offended on its behalf. he finally looked back at noemi. "and i don't think you said it wrong." his voice softened again. "i mean… i think you said it exactly how you wanted to." his fingers turned the water bottle slowly between his palms. "you didn't make it a big deal." he glanced around at the party. "i did." a tiny smile tugged at his mouth. "but i think that's because you're my best friend." he said it like that explained everything. maybe, to gabe, it did. he looked down at the costume again. "okay. yeah. i should probably get this off before i die."

"I know you won't say anything." Their voice softened. "That's why I told you." It wasn't some grand declaration of trust; it was just the truth. If there was anyone she could hand this impossible, terrifying thing to for a little while, it was him. It wouldn't stay much of a secret anyway; it's not like she was deliberately keeping it in. Sooner or later, someone would notice. His comment about making it a big deal made her glance away. "Yeah, I guess I thought if I said it casually, it'd sound less scary."

Then, he asked if the baby knew, and Noemi couldn't help the chuckle that spilled out. "I don't think so," answered with sincerity. "I don't think babies know much," a pause. "But I don't really know anything about babies either." A scary admission to her. "I mean, I remember when my brother was a toddler, but I was a kid then. I don't think that counts." Had never changed a diaper, had never held a baby. Shit, she was in for it.

"I don't really have questions yet." That wasn't entirely true. She had hundreds; they were just too large to fit into sentences, and unfortunately, she didn't think Gabe knew the answers to any of them. "I'm mostly just trying to get used to existing in a world where this is true."

She found his eyes. "But being confused together sounds way better than doing it alone." That was the Noemi way of saying you're my best friend, too. Back to the costume. "Please, for the love of God, don't stroke out in that. There's gotta be a bathroom around here somewhere. Come on." Then, they grabbed him by one tentacle toward a hallway.

They had been sitting on a bench outside Abrams for roughly thirty minutes, wired earbuds stuck in their ears as they let Addicted to Spuds play on a loop. There was some kind of solace in being out so late — or early on campus. No expectations, no conversations she didn't know how to have. Just her, in her own little world; the only friends near were the sounds of fall leaves scraping against one another overhead and the distant hum of traffic beyond campus.

The sound of footsteps drew her attention first. Even with music humming in her ear, Noemi never kept the volume loud and was almost hyper-aware of any sound near her. When she realized it was Lucas, she considered pretending she hadn't seen him; she had become a little too good at avoiding him. It was his pathetic little please? that followed that made her feel guilty. He looked tired in a way that had nothing to do with the hour itself. More human than she thought she had ever seen him.

When he asked if they could talk, Noemi directed her attention to the concrete beneath her slippers, slipping her earbuds out of her ears. "You already are." The statement wasn't meant to be clever. Factual, if anything. "I wasn't avoiding you." The lie found its way out of their mouth before they could think of a better excuse. A quiet breath left her. "Okay, I was."

While her fingers disappeared farther into the sleeves of her sweatshirt, she still moved her body slightly down the bench. An offering, if he accepted it. "I'm sorry if I freaked you out." Apologies didn't come easy to Noemi. They typically operated on their own basis of factual consensus and what was actually in front of them. Usually, apologies didn't need to present themself. "I just didn't think..." What did she think? She couldn't tell him that it was because she didn't think he wanted to continue anything with her. He had continued to contact her. She was the one who went radio silent.

"I don't know. I was being stupid."

When McKenna threw her arms around Noemi, her body immediately went rigid. It probably came as no surprise that Noemi Ibarra did not hug people. "McKenna," her voice remained incredibly level despite the fact that she was now being used as an emotional support pole. "Nobody's ever died from ingesting too much weed." She carefully peeled one of McKenna's arms off of her shoulder as if she were disarming a bomb.

"Let's just go find you some water, yeah?" She suggested, nodding towards the kitchen.

where: aidan walsh's penthouse - hallowbirthwrap

timeframe: after kiss list reveal

starter one - beer pong.

what  had  started  as  a  casual  game  of  beer  pong  had  rapidly  evolved  into  something  far  more  serious,  mostly  because  cecelia  refused  to  lose.     a  small  crowd  had  gathered  around  the  table,  every  successful  shot  met  with  cheers  loud  enough  to  compete  with  the  music,  and  she  was  having  entirely  too  much  fun.     somehow,  she's  managed  to  turn  a  stupid  drinking  game  into  a  full - blown  spectator  sport,  and  she  isn't  about  to  disappoint  her  audience.     after  sinking  another  cup,  she  lets  out  a  triumphant  little  laugh,  sets  the  ping - pong  ball  down  on  the  table,  and  looks  across  at  her  opponent  with  a  grin  that  is  equal  parts  sweet  and  insufferably  smug.     “     should  i  start  celebrating  now,  or  do  you  want  to  pretend  this  is  still  remotely close?     ”

starter two - free drink.

She lifted the cup and let the liquid inside touch her lips without actually taking a sip before lowering it again. Casual. "Why, exactly, are you talking to me?" The question came out with a sort of bluntness that may have come across as rude or defensive. "I'm less worried about poison and more worried..." She trailed off, her gaze looking up to the ceiling. No pig's blood. "That I'm about to start living a Stephen King novel."

   they started moving, slowly making their way toward the drinks table, but gabe's attention had clearly not moved on. "how long have you known?" a beat. "wait." his head turned sharply. "who else knows?" he frowned. "does the..." his gaze flickered around the room. people were everywhere. laughing. drinking. shouting over music. gabe lowered his voice. "does the person who made you pregnant know?" the question came out with the solemnity of someone asking for the location of a missing person. then he seemed to realize where they were. "oh." he looked around again. "this is probably not a good place to talk about that." his eyes returned to her. "but i have a lot of questions." a pause. "not bad questions." another. "just ⸻ questions." he continued walking, but his brain was clearly still standing somewhere back by the pool, attempting to process the fact that his best friend had just casually announced an entire human being was apparently on the way.

   "i mean, congratulations." he offered the words belatedly. then his face pinched. "is congratulations the right thing to say?" he looked genuinely distressed by the possibility of having chosen the wrong social response. "i don't know if that's the right thing to say." a moment. "i’m happy for you." he nodded once, as if confirming this to himself. "i think." his brow furrowed. "i mean, i don't know if you're happy." another pause. "are you happy?" he waited approximately half a second. "you don't have to answer that right now." then, because apparently his brain could only hold one thought at a time, he looked toward the drinks table. "you still want ginger ale, right?" he took another step. stopped. turned back toward her. his eyes widened slightly, as if he had something more to say… or ask. he looked away again.

"I'm pretty positive." She answered. She had spent hours Googling every possible cause. False positive. Fatal illness. High stress. She continued walking beside him while he stumbled through one question after another. When he lowered his voice to ask if the person responsible knew, Noemi couldn't help the small breath of amusement that escaped through her nose. "No. Just you." Lucas Shepherd remained blissfully unaware somewhere in the penthouse, probably existing several rooms away from the conversation currently altering Noemi's entire life.

She watched Gabe attempt to find the socially correct response until he finally landed on asking if she was happy, only to immediately rescind the question. "I appreciate the troubleshooting." She deadpanned. "It's fine; you can ask as many questions as you want." They didn't know if they'd have all the answers for them, but they'd make a best attempt at it.

Noemi reached past him, getting a can of ginger ale and a bottle of water for Gabe from an ice bucket, passing it over. He looked overwhelmed enough without Jungle Juice entering the equation. "Maybe I shouldn't have said it like that." The realization came to her swiftly. Conversations were hard, but conversations like this were even harder. The implications of it were completely lost on them.

"Let's get you out of this squid before you drop dead." She glanced at one of the tentacles sadly drooping toward the floor. "I think he might be taking the news harder than you are." If that counted for something.

"A mood journal?" She parroted. "I think it'd just say tired every day." Beat. "Maybe hungry." Mood changes weren't something that came frequently to her. Even with her... condition... she didn't feel moodier than usual. She listened quietly as Sage searched for the words, trying to describe something as intangible as an aura.

"I like that you're so passionate about this." A thumb traced absent circles over the polished stone. "But if you accidentally cursed me, I am going to counter that." She didn't know how, or if her moms would, but she'd figure something out.

"Is there anything I can do? To brighten the aura?"

   when  they  offered  to  come  with  him  ,  gabe  immediately  looked  down  at  himself  .  then  at  her  .  then  back  at  the  costume  .  one  of  the  tentacles  had  already  fallen  partially  into  his  lap  ,  and  he  carefully  lifted  it  out  of  the  way  before  attempting  to  stand  .  the  process  was  ,  naturally  ,  not  graceful  .  "  yeah  ,  probably  for  the  best  .  we  need  a  chaperone  .  "  first  he  gathered  the  tentacles  on  his  left  .  then  the  ones  on  his  right  .  then  he  discovered  that  two  had  somehow  become  trapped  beneath  him  .  "  oh  .  "  he  leaned  forward  .  "  this  is  worse  than  before  .  "  after  several  seconds  of  quiet  maneuvering  ,  he  finally  managed  to  get  one  foot  underneath  himself  .  "  don't  let  me  fall  .  "  it  was  unclear  whether  he  was  speaking  to  noemi  or  the  squid  .  probably  both  .

Around them, the party continued in a language the pair of them didn't understand. "I'm pregnant." It was said without much ceremony or any dramatization in their words. Just another fact joining their conversation. Her own words startled her more than she expected, having yet to say them out loud until that moment. The two words felt strangely weightless, almost disappointing after the way it had spent the last few days sitting in her chest.

They looked back just in time to witness Gabe begin negotiations with his costume. "I think you're outnumbered." She observed. "Eight against one." By the time he had apologized to three different people and, somehow, an inanimate object, the corner of her mouth twitched faintly upwards. "I think the squid is innocent," she said, rescuing another wandering tentacle before it could become an inconvenience again.

Together, they drifted toward the drinks table, swallowed back into the current of the party. The volume seemed to double the moment they crossed the threshold, conversations crashing over one another. Noemi felt her shoulders tighten and even pressed a finger each against her tragus to muffle the noise. "Maybe we're just getting old." Said with the sincerity of someone who was barely pushing their mid 20s.

"We could always just leave," a beat. They had come, they saw, and they both still hated it. "You don't have to stay here all night in that. Aidan be damned."

"um, high on life, maybe - i don't do weed, sweet noemi," she said with an exaggerated eye roll and a laugh. "but no, i've never been high before, i don't even drink. i've been drinking shirley temples all night!"

When McKenna confessed that she had never been high before and that she didn't drink, Noemi's head whipped back to her. Weirdly, that explained a lot. "You should probably stop saying that," a beat, "Because you're definitely high now." Noemi glanced down at the cupcake one last time. "Maybe don't finish the other half."

"Actually," she extended her hand. "You should probably give it to me." It wasn't that Noemi wanted it or intended to keep it, but if McKenna was being truthful — and Noemi assumed she was — then the last thing either of them needed was McKenna biting off more than she could chew. Literally. "You're gonna feel like shit tomorrow."

“cursed?!”  sage's  eyes  went  wide,  and  she  took  a  step  back.  she  hadn't  dealt  with  a  curse  in  a  long  time.  surely  the  signs  would  be  there?  “do  you  feel  cursed?  what  have  you  been  feeling  aside  from  your  aura  being  off?  are  you  noticing  any  dark  omens?  shadows  following  you  around?”  sage  pulled  noemi  closer  to  her,  letting  her  voice  get  low.  “is  there  anyone  you've  offended,  lately?  not  even  a  living  person.  i  can  start  working  on  a  charm,  but  it  might  take  me  a  while…  and  no  offense  to  aidan,  but  i  doubt  he  has  the  supplies  i'd  need…”

They waited until Sage had finished listing the possible supernatural explanations. "I've been like, super tired," her brows pinched together. "I don't think I've offended any ghosts recently. Living people... maybe." She thought of Lucas. Naim. But surely neither of them had the brain power to curse her. And if they did, they would have gotten it from Sage. "What exactly made my aura look... off?"

Shit, she was really losing it if she was indulging Sage in this whim, but she was curious. Like she was about all things. "If I were cursed, would you even be able to tell?" Noemi asked. Not out of being a skeptic, but because she wondered if people did look cursed-like.

   his  gaze  wandered  back  toward  the  party  .  people  drifted  through  the  house  in  little  clusters  ,  laughing  before  anyone  had  even  finished  telling  the  joke  .  arms  slung  around  shoulders  .  costumes  beginning  to  wrinkle  from  dancing  .  for  a  second  he  wondered  if  they  were  performing  .  or  if  this  was  simply  a  language  he  never  quite  learned  to  speak  .  then  came  her  question  .  do  you  ever  feel  that  way  ?  he  didn't  answer  right  away  .  his  eyes  settled  on  the  water  again  .  the  ripples  had  finally  begun  smoothing  themselves  into  something  almost  still  .  "  sometimes  .  "  the  admission  came  softly  .  "  i  think  everyone  probably  wants  a  break  from  being  themselves  every  once  in  a  while  .  "  another  pause  .  "  or  ⸻  well  ,  not  from  themselves  .  "  his  brow  knitted  .  "  just  from  carrying  themselves  around  all  the  time  .  "  that  felt  closer  .  he  nodded  once  to  himself  .  "  i  get  why  people  drink  a  lot  .  "  his  fingers  tightened  almost  imperceptibly  around  the  empty  cup  .

"I always feel like I've walked into the second act of a play I've never heard of. Everyone already knows their lines. Inside jokes. Who they're supposed to stand next to," a beat. "Meanwhile, I'm still trying to figure out the plot." While what she said may have come across as bitter, she wasn't. Just observational. Too truthful to a fault. There were few people they felt understood them, and Gabe fell right into a slot that made sense.

"I think you're right." She concurred. "I don't think people hate themselves as much as they hate..." she trailed off. "Having to be themselves all the time." It reminded her of her midterms. Rehearsals. Her mothers. Her brother. The knot of secrets that had been settling around her chest for days now. It was exhausting existing inside your own head.

His concern about falling into the pool finally coaxed something that resembled a smile on her face. "I don't know." She took a moment to study the costume critically. "I think you'd float." Not that they wanted to test that theory. Some things could be left in the hypothetical.

When he offered to grab her a drink, her expression softened a bit. "No mystery punch," she shook her head. She glanced down at his empty cup before looking back towards where the kitchen was. "If you're already going, could you see if they have any ginger ale?" People used those as mixers, right? "Or water." Noemi took a beat before pulling her feet out of the water.

"Actually, I could come with you. Not sure if the squid should be left unattended."

She was standing in the kitchen, balancing a paper plate in one hand with what had quickly become her newest obsession: spinach artichoke dip spread over a bread roll. Thanks, Clementine! Noemi looked up, following his line of sight toward another set of glittering wings weaving through the crowd. "They're like deer during mating season," a beat, "Except instead of antlers, it's bedazzled appendages."

   "  i  mean  ⸻  "  his  words  stumbled  over  one  another  for  a  second  .  "  it's  mostly  just  ...  fabric  .  and  ...  "  he  looked  down  at  the  tentacles  again  .  "  an  unreasonable  number  of  arms  .  "  he  stopped  there  .  a  tiny  exhale  escaped  through  his  nose  .  "  but  ⸻  thank  you  .  "  it  still  felt  strange  saying  it  .  like  accepting  a  compliment  was  borrowing  a  coat  that  obviously  belonged  to  somebody  else  .  then  came  the  rest  .  are  you  finally  putting  yourself  out  there  ?  don't  forget  about  me  when  you're  mr.  popular  . he  blinked  .  once  .  twice  .  then  let  out  a  quiet  laugh  that  almost  disappeared  beneath  the  sound  of  the  water  .  "  i  don't  think  there's  much  danger  of  that  .  "  he  glanced  toward  the  party  .  someone  inside  whooped  loudly  enough  that  half  the  room  seemed  obligated  to  answer  .  gabe  watched  it  happen  with  the  same  expression  someone  might  wear  while  observing  unusual  bird  behavior  .

The sounds from the party bled back into the silence between them. Somebody screamed over a song she didn't recognize. Another burst of laughter erupted. She wondered how it all seemed so easy to the partygoers who seemed to thrive off of the haze. When Gabe admitted this was the only conversation he had really been a part of all night, she glanced over. There was something oddly comforting about his confession. Not because she was ecstatic that he was struggling, but because it made her feel a little less like she had failed some exam everyone else had studied for. They both passed. In their own way.

"I don't think you should care about his opinion," she stated. "Pretty sure he thinks being rich is a personality trait." Her fingers reached to absently skim through the water. "I think most parties are..." They trailed off, searching for the right word, brow pinching ever so slightly. "Performative."

"Like, tonight. Everyone shows up dressed as something else," a beat. "Then they spend the rest of the night pretending like they're having the best night ever." The irony was not lost on her. "It all just seems so fake. Artificial." She pulled her hand out of the water, drying it on her dress.

"I think it's just a way of numbing the pain. Life sucks, and alcohol can raise endorphins." Not including all the drugs that were probably circulating. "Kind of... makes them forget. Even if it's just for a little while. Do you ever feel that way?"

Something told her that none of them would be able to afford anything in Aidan's penthouse if they burnt it down. They stepped a little closer, curiosity outweighing any of her skepticism as it so often did. "My moms would love you." There was no mockery in her voice. Just one simple truth. While she no longer believed in cleansing, Sage's desire to do so brought back a quiet familiarity of home. She could remember being a kid, dutifully shuffling around while Tammy insisted the house needed good energy after a stressful week and Yvonne dramatically waving incense into every room.

Noemi held her arms out from her sides with complete seriousness. "Go ahead," a beat. "You don't think I'm cursed, do you?"