⸻   𝗳𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗸𝗶𝗻' 𝗼𝘂𝘁   .

luckily, casper didn't press further. and even more luckily, she seemed to be taking that week's show choir assignment seriously. ish. as serious as one could take it without yet knowing their partner.

"as would only be right," she nodded, broadly supportive of anyone's right to be dramatic, though her eyes did narrow and her head did shake enough to semi-dispute the professionally dramatic comment. regular dramatics would suffice for a partner lacking in talent. thankfully, stella had basically memorized that week's pairs by that point, so she could witness casper's reaction to her partner (and any potential dramatics there might be) firsthand.

"i believe you were paired with conrad, whose audition song didn't ring any immediate alarm bells. but i offer my condolences anyway, as i get the sense that he's in our show choir more out of fomo than genuine interest. if all of your friends jumped off a bridge and whatnot..."

the conrad talk wasn't going to keep stella from acknowledging casper's seemingly new sense of dedication to the group, however. so used to knowing casper as more of the girl in the debate society who only spoke when she had something insightful to add, this was a welcome change.

"i'm glad to hear that you're already planning to rehearse. it's truly music to my ears. as a long-ish-time member of new directions, i trust that you'll set our new recruit on the right track?"

   "  fomo's  not  the  worst  reason  i've  ever  heard  for  joining  something  .  "  she  said  after  a  moment  .  "  there  are  people  who've  built  entire  personalities  on  worse  motivations  .  "  her  shoulders  lifted  in  an  almost  imperceptible  shrug.  "  if  he  sticks  around  ,  maybe  he'll  figure  out  whether  he  actually  likes  it  .  "  or  maybe  he  wouldn't  .  that  wasn't  really  her  business  .

   stella's  next  question  settled  between  them  with  more  weight  than  it  probably  should  have  .  set  him  on  the  right  track  .  there  had  been  a  time  when  someone  asking  casper  to  lead  anything  would've  felt  almost  laughable  .  she  wasn't  encouraging  .  she  wasn't  especially  patient  .  she  certainly  wasn't  the  type  to  clap  someone  on  the  back  and  tell  them  they  were  doing  great  when  they  clearly  weren't  .

   but  she  did  know  music  .  she  knew  what  it  sounded  like  when  voices  clicked  into  place  ,  when  harmonies  stopped  competing  and  started  trusting  each  other  .  she  knew  how  to  hear  mistakes  without  making  them  feel  like  failures  .  she  just  ...  rarely  bothered  .  her  tongue  pressed  briefly  against  the  inside  of  her  cheek  .  "  yeah  .  "  the  answer  came  simply  .  certain  .  "  i  can  do  that  .  "

   her  eyes  met  stella's  for  a  second  longer  than  usual  .  "  i'm  not  going  to  babysit  him  .  "  the  clarification  arrived  without  apology  .  "  but  if  he  wants  to  learn  ,  i'll  help  .  if  he's  flat  ,  i'll  tell  him  he's  flat  .  if  he  fixes  it  ,  great  .  if  he  doesn't  ,  i'll  tell  him  again  .  "  there  wasn't  any  cruelty  in  the  statement  ,  only  honest  .

for  purely  entertainment  purposes?  goldie  and  brooks,  without  question.  watching  the  two  dumbest  people  i've  ever  encountered  stand  there  telling  each  other  #exactly  while  simultaneously  misunderstanding  the  same  conversation  would  heal  something  inside  me.  brooks  strikes  me  as  the  type  to  accidentally  flirt  with  literally  everyone  because  he  has  the  social  awareness  of  a  dog.  goldie,  however…  #mamadontplay  that  girl  would  launch  the  atomic  bomb  over  somebody  saying,  "hey,  brooks!"  in  the  hallway.  saint  rivera  would  become  a  crater  by  the third  class of the day.  #nationalsecuritythreat

i've  already  spoken  on  this  once,  but  i'll  happily  say  it  again:  cece  and  stella.  i'm  going  full  #yuri  for  those  two.  i  don't  want  sunshine  and  rainbows.  i  want  yearning  so  intense  it  ruins  both  of  their  academic  careers.  i  want  six  months  of  aggressively  denying  feelings.  i  want  unnecessary  arguments  fueled  entirely  by  poor  communication.  i  want  one  of  them  to  storm  off  dramatically  while  the  other  stands  there  pretending  not  to  care.  healthy  relationships  are  beautiful.  however…  my  favorite  relationships  are  always  deeply  concerning.  #toxicwlw

respectfully…  SYDNEY  AND  MILO!  i've  seen  enough.  put  them  in  a  room  together.  make  them  accidentally  brush  hands.  have  one  of  them  say  "good  game,  man"  and  linger  half  a  second  too  long.  i'll  do  the  rest.  i've  already  got  ao3  open  and  i'm  halfway  through  outlining  chapter  one  in  my  head.  you  can't  stop  me  now.  break  the  stereotypes.  hold  hands  after  practice.  share  a  milkshake.  realize  you've  been  in  love  for  three  months  and  everybody  else  noticed  before  you  did.  google,  show  me  these  guys'  b-  #justonelockerroomscene

"well maybe next time you should take the beer outta my hands instead of just telling me. when i'm that drunk i'm not capable of making smart choices." the attempt at child's pose was doing her no good, so the blonde used her core to roll herself up into a seated position before focusing on stretching her legs. of course now that brook was next to her, she also wanted to be able to look at his pretty face... and make sure he knew just how cute and flexible she was in her workout clothes.

she giggled as he even admitted to his own failure to say no to the drinks being forced into both their hands. "exactly. it woulda been so rude to just tell them no! they had so many beers, they needed to be drank." and if not by her, then by who?

she flinched slightly as he attempted a stretch, but stumbled and fell instead. pulling herself out of her own position, the blonde flipped her hair behind her shoulder before making her way over to him. "here, lemme help you." he was struggling so it was the right thing to do. but it also meant she could both look and touch. and if yoga had taught her one thing, it was that boys just weren't always as flexible. they had to be open to different variations of a pose, and that was okay! so she guided him into a sitting position that would also allow him to continue to stretch as needed, but also not overextend to the point that he hurt himself. "and you're right. bodies are super durable. i mean, you get thrown into walls and i have girls in the pyramid falling and accidentally kicking me in the head. and we've both turned out okay."

   before  he  could  dedicate  any  more  brain  power  to  what  was  quickly  becoming  the  beer  paradox  ,  goldie  had  wandered  over  .  his  eyes  followed  her  without  much  thought  until  she  crouched  beside  him  .  he  blinked  .  "  thanks  ,  golds  .  "  brooks  was  about  as  cooperative  as  an  overgrown  golden  retriever  at  the  vet  .  the  moment  she  adjusted  one  of  his  legs  ,  he  followed  along  without  complaint  ,  if  only  because  she  seemed  like  she  knew  what  she  was  doing  .

   "  whoa  .  "  his  eyebrows  shot  up  .  "  i  don't  think  my  leg  has  ever  been  so  bendy  before  before  .  "  he  stared  at  it  for  a  second  .  "  i  kinda  forgot  it  could  do  shit  like  that  .  "  there  wasn't  an  ounce  of  embarrassment  in  him  .  if  anything  ,  he  looked  fascinated  by  his  own  anatomy  .  "  you  should  charge  money  for  this  .  "  he  declared  matter-of-factly  .  "  people  pay  for  massages  all  the  time  .  this  is  like  …  "  his  hand  waved  vaguely  .  "  ...  yoga  surgery  .  "  that  definitely  wasn't  what  it  was  . once  she  stepped  away  again  ,  brooks  stayed  in  the  stretch  for  approximately  three  seconds  before  slowly  slumping  back  into  his  usual  seated  position  like  a  sack  of  potatoes  losing  structural  integrity  .  "  see  ?  "  he  patted  himself  on  the  chest  .  "  durable  .  "

   his  attention  bounced  right  back  to  her  as  she  started  talking  about  cheer  again  .  "  eye  candy  ?  "  he  looked  over  one  shoulder  .  then  the  other  .  "  ...  who's  the  ⸻  ?  "  he  genuinely  thought  she  meant  somebody  else  .  there  were  like  twenty  attractive  people  scattered  around  the  field  .  surely  she  couldn't  mean  ⸻  his  train  of  thought  derailed  before  it  even  reached  the  station  . "  i  could  totally  toss  people  .  "  his  chest  puffed  out  a  little  .  "  i  mean  ,  i  already  throw  around  hockey  bags  that  weigh  like  …  "  he  looked  up  toward  the  sky  as  if  the  clouds  contained  the  answer  .  "  ...  probably  four  hundred  pounds  .  "  they  absolutely  did  not  .  "  or  maybe  eighty  .  "  he  shrugged  .  "  still  heavy  .  "

   his  smile  only  grew  when  she  started  explaining  how  cheer  worked  .  brooks  leaned  in  too  ,  matching  her  conspiratorial  whisper  without  questioning  why  they  were  whispering  in  the  first  place  .  "  ...  that's  actually  genius  .  "  he  whispered  back  .  "  i  always  wondered  why  people  stood  in  the  back  .  "  his  eyes  drifted  toward  the  freshman  she'd  pointed  out  . he  nodded  solemnly  .  "  good  for  them  .  "  another  nod  .  "  still  made  the  team  .  "  that  seemed  like  a  victory  in  his  book  .  then  she  mentioned  making  him  a  sign  .  brooks  lit  up  so  fast  it  was  almost  cartoonish  .  "  really  ?  "  there  was  nothing  coy  about  the  smile  that  spread  across  his  face  .  it  was  all  teeth  .  all  excitement  .  "  that'd  actually  be  sick  .  "  he  laughed  ,  a  shake  of  his  head  as  a  memory  made  its  way  to  the  surface  .

🎙️           ˚           ﹕ㅤㅤ    billy didn't need stage directions to know exactly where she belonged these days, her childhood and adolescence infested with flocks of people with only their own best interests in mind. so much that she'd rather exist somewhere quieter, where it was her own voice that she followed more than anyone else, where she could avoid people as much as possible. and where others desired to be in the spotlight, billy would rather be the captive audience now, a commentator to the spectacle. close enough to know everyone's else neuroses and drama, but removed enough so no one knew hers. maybe that was why she enjoyed the late-night time slot, how the world felt like it belonged to a select few, how everything felt less tangible, and she didn't have to do much but listen. but as much as she wanted to present herself as this elusive figure that could bring confessions out of anyone, as if she was the holy spirit, the upkeep of that persona was much easier when she was alone in a glass box with radio equipment that made aloofness part of the mystique than a social shortcoming. and god she wished she had brought gabe along to use his gawkiness as a buffer between her and everything that made her nervous. to make it easier to hide her own apprehension in the face of something incomprehensible. because that was exactly what pretty girls were. incomprehensible. forcing action out of someone's voluntary atrophy with attraction. unfathomably confusing with how casper's gaze was already taking root in her before either of them had even said a word. a scoff as she sat beside her, an exertion of faux confidence so no one would be able to tell her mind was scrambling how to exist here with casper without desperation. "  don't give me a challenge, graham.   " she picked up a lone fry, dragged it through the patch of ketchup in an absent-minded stroke, then took a bite. it was without ceremony, holding casper's gaze through the entire thing, until she swallowed despite the staleness, corners of lips quirking up a ghost of a smile. "  i like lost causes,   " billy said, glancing at the clock then back at casper. "  and anyone still awake at this hour must be one.   " the nonchalance in her voice made it impossible to tell whether she was talking about herself or casper, though most likely both. mostly likely to establish a common thread. "  but it's always good.   " as expected. "  aside from multiple complaints about your glee club, but that's part of the nightly routine now.   "

   there  it  was  again  .  that  instinct  to  roll  her  eyes  before  the  corner  of  her  mouth  betrayed  her  with  something  gentler  .  glee  club  was  exhausting  .  too  many  personalities  compressed  into  one  rehearsal  room  .  too  many  people  who  insisted  on  filling  every  silence  as  though  quiet  itself  were  a  disease  .  there  were  days  she  left  after  learning  exactly  what  she  needed  and  not  a  second  more  .  and  yet  .  she  kept  coming  back  .

   she  wasn't  sure  when  obligation  had  quietly  become  comfort  .  or  when  the  noise  had  started  feeling  less  like  something  to  survive  and  more  like  proof  that  she'd  found  somewhere  she  didn't  immediately  want  to  leave  .  it  irritated  her  a  little  .  "  they  complain  because  they're  dramatic  .  "  casper  finally  said  .  "  give  them  a  microphone  and  suddenly  everyone's  living  through  the  end  of  civilization  because  somebody  missed  a  harmony  .  "  a  pause  .  "  they're  usually  wrong  .  "  usually  .

   her  eyes  lifted  again  .  billy  was  still  looking  at  her  .  she  wondered  if  she  did  that  with  everyone  .  listened  like  this  .  looked  like  this  .  as  though  every  sentence  deserved  to  be  held  for  a  moment  before  being  put  down  .  it  was  unnerving  , but  not  because  it  felt  invasive  .  it was because  it  felt ...  nice  .  casper  wasn't  practiced  enough  in  receiving  that  kind  of  attention  to  know  where  to  put  her  hands  .  or  her  eyes  .

"Oh," the words come out eloquently. "We start on time," she gives him a once-over. "And we end on time." She watched as he peered into the empty classroom with something like genuine loss, and that threw her for a loop. Was this the potential for recruitment? It would help their numbers; guys rarely joined, and where jocks went, more were sure to follow.

"Next week. Same time and place," she answered, after a hesitant beat. Her gaze flicked to the sandwich again. "Preferably without outside food. But we do have the occasional pizza social. Those are always a hit."

At his languid summary of the meeting, her brows knitted together, scandalized on instinct. "That is not," she started, but decided that the fight wasn't worth it. He was a curious soul, and was Abilene not meant to lead? "We talk about our temptations and how we can curb them. We're separated by gender; boys start in the opposite room, and then we all come together to share our faith. Sometimes we read scripture or share testimonies, but everything is strictly voluntary," she explained.

She let herself fall into step beside him, posture straight enough to suggest she's walking with a purpose. "You're always welcome to come," Abilene flashed a beaming smile at him, one almost too artificial to be considered real.

   his  eyes  lit  up  at  the  mention  of  pizza  .  "  oh  ,  see  ,  now  that's  good  advertising  ,  abs  !  "  he  pointed  the  remaining  half  of  his  sub  at  her  like  she'd  just  revealed  state  secrets  .  "  you  should  put  that  on  the  posters  .  forget  all  the  ...  y'know  ...  "  his  free  hand  waved  vaguely  through  the  air  .  "  the  abstinency  stuff  .  "  a  beat  .  "  abstinence  .  "  another  beat  .  "  abstinentialism  .  "  he  frowned  at  himself  .

   "  ...  whatever  .  the  no  bonin'  thing  .  "  he  nodded  once  ,  satisfied  enough  with  that  .  "  just  write  :  '  free  pizza  .  '  i'd  show  up  for  free  pizza  .  hell  ,  i'd  even  show  up  for  breadsticks  .  "  brooks  listened  ⸻  genuinely  listened  ⸻  while  abilene  explained  the  structure  of  the  meetings  .  his  expression  never  shifted  toward  ridicule  .  if  anything  ,  it  softened  with  concentration  ,  eyebrows  knitting  together  as  he  tried  to  file  every  piece  into  the  correct  folder  inside  his  head  .

   boys  over  there  .  girls  over  there  .  scripture  .  temptations  .  voluntary  .  his  head  bobbed  every  few  seconds  .  "  huh  .  "  that  was  …  actually  way  more  organized  than  he'd  pictured  .  "  i  kinda  thought  it'd  be  like ...  "  he  gestured  with  both  hands  now  ,  nearly  dropping  his  sandwich  in  the  process  before  catching  it  against  his  chest  with  a  startled  little  grunt  .

   "  ...  y'know  .  chairs  in  a  circle  .  everybody  says  their  name  .  then  somebody  rings  one  of  those  little  desk  bells  and  goes  ,  '  congratulations  !  another  week  without  gettin'  laid  !  '  "  he  smiled  sheepishly  .  "  i  dunno  .  clubs  got  traditions and stuff  .  "

   then  came  the  invitation  .  you're  always  welcome  to  come  .  brooks  beamed  so  brightly  it  almost  looked  painful  .  "  wait , seriously  ?  like  for  real  ,  no  take  backs  ?  "  there  wasn't  an  ounce  of  suspicion  in  him  .  no  wondering  whether  she  meant  it  .  no  concern  that  maybe  he  wasn't  exactly  the  target  demographic  .  just  uncomplicated  excitement  .

   "  that's  actually  really  nice  of  you  .  "  his  shoulders  lifted  in  a  shrug  .  "  i  mean  ...  "  he  glanced  toward  the  ceiling  as  though  the  answer  might've  been  written  there  .  "  i’m  not  exactly  ...  y'know  ... "  his  sandwich  became  a  pointer  again  .  "  qualifying  .  "  another  thoughtful  pause  .  "  like  ,  i've  definitely  had  sex  .  "  he  said  it  with  the  same  casual  tone  someone  might  confess  to  owning  a  bicycle  .

wait…  WHO?  hold  on.  *puts  on  reading  glasses*  *flips  through  notes*  *checks  attendance  records*  *reviews  security  camera  footage*  *pulls  out  the  saint  rivera  student  census*  *contacts  the  fbi*  *opens  a  missing  persons  case*  oh…  GABE!  why  didn't  you  just  say  that?  yes,  he's  easy  on  the  eyes.  unfortunately,  that's  where  my  report  ends.

#1.  LET'S  ROCK!  well,  savannah  has  to  be  up  there,  right?  i  mean,  we  get  it...  you're  emo.  2007  called,  they  want  their  eyeliner  back!  every  time  i  see  her,  i  feel  like  i'm  about  to  get  lectured  on  a  band  with  twelve  monthly  listeners  and  a  lead  singer  who  only  communicates  through  tumblr  posts.  besides  her  overall  vibe  that  i'm  not  fucking  with,  she  seems  fine  if  you  can  get  over  the  annoying  'i  listened  to  them  first'  attitude.

#2.  INFESTATION!  i'm  not  counting  them  individually  because  they  travel  in  a  pack  and  it  feels  dangerous to keep them apart. they come together, #DONOTSEPARATE!  carter.  sydney.  cole.  conrad.  theo.  milo.  i'm  looking  at  YOU!  why  did  the  hockey  team  collectively  decide  to  infiltrate  a  safe  space  for  theater  kids  and  losers?  some  things  are  meant  to  remain  #separate.  every  week  i  feel  like  i'm  watching  a  nature  documentary  about  an  invasive  species.

#3.  GOLDILOCKS!  for  absolutely  no  concrete  reason,  i  feel  like  goldie  could  be  deeply  annoying.  if  she's  calm?  maybe  i  could  love  her.  if  i  look  deeply  into  my  heart,  i  could  say  she  has  potential!  but  when  does  that  girl  ever  act  like  she  didn't  just  do  an  8-ball?  regardless,  she's  on  thin  ice  with  me.  save  some  hookups  for  the  rest  of  us,  girlfriend!  dare  i  say...  the  #girlsully?  many  people  are  asking  this.

 #4.  &  #5.  THE  GHOST  &  THE  (LO)SER!  the  last  two,  i'm  pairing  together.  casper  and  lo?  they  seem  2  kool  4  skool.  casper  treats  glee  club  like  a  court-ordered  community  service  requirement.  she  shows  up.  sings  like  rent  is  due.  immediately  vanishes.  now,  i'll  eat  my  words  if  it  comes  out  she's  actually  auditioning  to  play  forrest  in  a  new  forrest  gump  musicial  because  in  THAT  case,  she's  obviously  #winning.  but  until  then?  stop  acting  like  you're  better  than  everybody,  sweetums.  and  then  here  comes  lo…  the  spiritual  opposite  of  casper.  they  stay.  they're  present.  they're  technically  participating.  but  i  need  somebody  to  explain  the  performance  choices  to  me.  you  can  sing.  i  know  you  can  sing.  so  why  are  you  performing  like  somebody  just  told  you  enthusiasm  is  federally  illegal?  loosen  up!  do  some  jazzercise!

   it  should  have  felt  invasive  ,  having  a  stranger  attempt  to  piece  him  together  from  scraps  .  instead  ,  gabe  found  himself  studying  the  sharp  angles  of  his  grin  ,  the  easy  confidence  with  which  he  threw  out  wild  assumptions  ,  and  deciding  that  there  wasn't  much  danger  here  .  the other  felt  like  the  sort  of  person  who  asked  questions  because  he  genuinely  wanted  answers  .  the  sort  who  poked  at  locked  doors  out  of  curiosity  rather  than  malice  .  and  maybe  that  was  enough  .  maybe  that  was  why  gabe  hadn't  made  an  excuse  to  leave  yet  .

   for  a  moment  ,  gabe  simply  stared  at  him  .  not  for any particular reason  .  mostly  because  he  was  trying  to  figure  out  how  he  had  managed  to  construct  an  entire  person  from  a  few  minutes  of  conversation  and  a  pair  of  dark  circles  . his  mouth  parted  .  closed  .  opened  again  .  somewhere  in  the  middle  of  attempting  a  response  ,  a  smile  threatened  at  the  corner  of  his  mouth  .  small  .  reluctant  .  the  kind  that  appeared  before  he  could  stop  it  .  "  hopeless  romantic  ,  but  mostly  hopeless  , huh ?  "  he  repeated  it  quietly  ,  tasting  the  words  like  he  wasn't  entirely  sure  whether  he'd  been  insulted  or  complimented  . the  smile  lingered  anyway  .  a  faint  shake  of  his  head  followed  .

   standing  suddenly  felt  strange  .  looming  .  awkward  .  not  that  sitting  beside  a  stranger  was  much  better  ,  but  at  least  it  gave  his  hands  somewhere  to  go  besides  nervously  shoving  themselves  deeper  into  his  pockets .  so  he  lowered  himself  onto  the  concrete  beside  him  . the  night  settled  around  them  in  cool  layers  .  distant  traffic  humming  somewhere  beyond  campus  .  the  convenience  store  lights  buzzing  overhead  like  tired  insects  .  for  a  few  seconds  ,  gabe  watched  a  moth  throw  itself  repeatedly  against  the  glowing  sign  instead  of  answering  .  it  seemed  easier  than  being  perceived  . "  i  was  writing  ,  but  not  ⸻  "  his  brows  pinched  .  "  not  poetry  .  i  mean  ,  it  wasn't  ⸻  "  the  sentence  collapsed  halfway  through  itself  .  gabe  sighed  softly  through  his  nose  .

   "  something  like  that  .  "  it  wasn't  even  close  to  poetry  .  it  wasn't  romance  either  . but  explaining  what  he'd  actually  been  writing  felt  impossible  now  that  the  question  had  been  asked  .  the  song  was  still  sitting  unfinished  on  his  laptop  .  half-built  from  memories  he'd  spent  years  learning  how  not  to  talk  about  .  every  attempt  to  finish  it  felt  like  trying  to  cup  water  in  his  hands  .  so  he  let  the  answer  remain  vague  .

there was a soft skip in her step as we walked into the choir room to join all her fellow glee club members. taking her usual seat in the second row, slightly off to the side, goldie shrugged out of the her cardigan (definitely used more for fashion then warmth) and laid it out on the chair next to her. by now everyone knew the spot was reserved for cece, but you could never be so sure! once she was settled, the blonde looked up at the board and saw this week's assignment written out. "do you think if we're allowed to trade partners?" she thought of when the names had been pulled out of the hat, how she wished to be matched with at least five people in here and none of them had been the named called. "i doubt mr. kelmeckis remembered every pair off the top of his head." she couldn't even list off two groups from the top of her head.

option two. outside during cheer practice [1/2]

the sun was high in the sky, bright as could be, but thankfully there was a breeze that accompanied the late september day which gave some relief. stretching next to the others, goldie brought her hand up to shield her eyes from the glare as she trained her gaze on the person next to her. "i really hope coach steele goes easy on us today. i had way too many beers last night at a frat party and my tummy's been gurgling all morning." she sighed, moving into child's pose. or at least an attempt at it, really she was trying to find some kind of comfort. "remind me never to drink that much again." it wouldn't matter. she'd do it again. she never learned from her mistakes.

option three. inside sweet sugar [2/2]

she had found a moment for herself, between her late morning and mid afternoon classes, to be alone with a sweet treat. her biggest weakness is her penchant for sugar, and having a dessert shop in town was not doing her any favors. goldie had just bit into her pumpkin cupcake with cheesecake frosting when she locked eyes with another. "please don't mention this to coach steele," she begged, real fear in her eyes. putting the pastry down, goldie grabbed a napkin to wipe her mouth. "we're not supposed to eat unnecessary carbs or sugars, but it's a seasonal flavor!"

   his  face  scrunched  up  in  concentration  like  he  was  trying  to  solve  a  complicated  math  problem  instead  of  touching  his  toes  . " okay  ,  first  of  all  …  "  he  started  ,  completely  ignoring  the  fact  that  goldie  was  very  clearly  trying  to  find  peace  in  child's  pose  . "  i  told  you  that  you  were  drinking  too  much  .  i  literally  told  you  .  i  was  like  ,  '  goldie  ,  maybe  don't  have  another  one  because  tomorrow  you  are  gonna  feel  like  a  garbage  can  full  of  regret  .  '  "  he  paused  ,  looking  down  at  his  own  stretch  attempt  .  which  was  mostly  just  him  reaching  toward  his  shoes  and  somehow  still  being  nowhere  close  .

   "  but  ,  uh  .  "  a  beat  .  "  i  also  had  like  ,  a  bunch  of  them  too  .  so  i  guess  i  was  not  exactly  the  best  example  .  "  brooks  gave  a  sheepish  grin  ,  the  kind  that  made  it  impossible  to  stay  annoyed  at  him  .  "  but  that's  different  .  "  silence  .  "  actually  ,  no  .  it's  not  .  that's  probably  worse  .  "  he  nodded  to  himself  like  he  had  just  come  to  a  groundbreaking  realization  . then  immediately  ruined  it  .  "  but  in  my  defense  ,  everyone  kept  handing  me  drinks  and  it  would've  been  rude  to  say  no  .  like  ,  socially  rude  .  and  i  am  a  very  polite  person  .  "  the  logic  was  flawed  .  painfully  so  . but it was brooks .

   he  shifted  into  another  stretch  ,  attempting  to  mimic  the  person  beside  him  ,  only  for  his  leg  to  slide  slightly  and  send  him  catching  himself  with  both  hands  against  the  grass  .  " ...  don’t  look  at  me  .  " his voice resigned , defeated . lifting  his  head  ,  he  glanced  over  at  goldie  with  a  grin  .  "  also  ,  for  the  record  ,  i  think  your  tummy  is  gonna  survive  .  i  mean  ,  humans  are  pretty  durable  .  like  ,  hockey  players  get  hit  into  walls  all  the  time  and  we're  fine  .  kinda  .  "  he  rubbed  his  shoulder  thoughtfully  .  "  okay  ,  sometimes  we're  not  fine  .  but  we  walk  it  off  .  mostly  .  "

🎸           ˚           ﹕ㅤㅤ    hollis couldn't even remember the last time he had a full eight hours of sleep since the new school year began, the return of glee club back into the good graces of the campus population turning out to be both the best and worst thing to happen in his collegiate career. it was great having a front row seat of this trainwreck waiting to happen ( already had an ongoing bet for how long it'll take until julian devereux bursts a forehead vein dealing with those jocks ), but it also meant learning a whole new repertoire of songs just so he, alongside other members of the jazz ensemble, could be ready whenever those freaks tell them to " hit it! " or give them a glance with the expectation that the band already mastered their rendition of … everything in between sondheim and doja cat. so here he was, almost midnight and still sitting at the curb outside the convenience store after hours and hours of practice, sipping on a blueberry slushie as he desperately tried to forget about the arrangements of those fuck-ass mashup songs still echoing in his head. how could anyone expect him to sleep after that? and he was so desperate for a distraction that his attention latched onto the first person that entered his vicinity, looking up from the asphalt to another soul still awake at this time. " you look like shit. " he didn't mean it, spoken with a jesting smile, only said to get a reaction. " what're you doin' still awake at this time? "

   then  there  were  the  bags  beneath  his  eyes  ...  yeah  .  okay  .  maybe  he  had  a  point  .  not  that  gabe  was  going  to  admit  it  that  easily  .  "  ...  thanks  .  "  the  words  came  out  quiet  ,  almost  instinctive  ,  before  he  realized  how  it  sounded  .  a  pause  followed  ,  a  small  crease  forming  between  his  brows  as  he  looked  back  toward  homme  .  "  i  mean  .  "  he  exhaled  softly  through  his  nose  ,  not  quite  a  laugh  ,  not  quite  a  sigh  .  "  you  aren’t  wrong  .  "

   there  was  no  offense  in  his  voice  .  gabe  was  rarely  offended  by  much  ,  especially  not  by  something  said  with  an  obvious  smile  behind  it  .  if  anything  ,  he  looked  more  embarrassed  by  the  fact  that  someone  else  had  managed  to  notice  what  he'd  been  trying  very  hard  to  ignore  .  his  room  had  started  to  feel  too  small  ,  filled  with  the  same  four  bars  of  music  looping  endlessly  in  his  mind  .  every  time  he  tried  to  finish  the  piece  ,  something  felt  wrong  .  a  note  out  of  place  .  a  rhythm  that  didn't  settle  right  .

   so  he'd  walked  .  because  walking  was  easier  than  admitting  he  was  stuck  .  his  gaze  drifted  briefly  toward  the  convenience  store  ,  the  dim  glow  of  the  lights  spilling  onto  the  empty  pavement  ,  catching  against  the  plastic  cup  in  his  hand  .  there  was  something  strangely  comforting  about  knowing  he  wasn't  the  only  person  awake  at  an  unreasonable  hour  .  "  couldn't  sleep  .  "  simple  .  honest  .  his  fingers  shifted  inside  his  sleeves  ,  picking  absentmindedly  at  a  loose  thread  .  "  was  working  on  something  .  got  stuck  .  "  a  beat  of  silence  passed  before  he  added  ,  quieter  .

   but  then  there  was  milo  ,  crouched  beside  a  crime  scene  of  his  own  making  ,  surrounded  by  scattered  chips  and  rolling  bottles  of  gatorade  like  the  universe  had  personally  decided  he'd  had  enough  convenience  for  one  night  .  gabe  stopped  a  few  feet  away  ,  watching  quietly  .  he  wasn’t  judging  him  …  not  really  .  he  mostly  stood  there  because  he  wasn't  entirely  sure  if  he  was  supposed  to  laugh  .

   a  small  smile  tugged  at  the  corner  of  his  mouth  before  he  could  stop  it  .  though  he  quickly  looked  away  ,  pretending  to  be  more  interested  in  the  shelves  beside  him  .  it  wasn't  often  he  found  himself  amused  by  someone  else's  misfortune  ,  but  there  was  something  almost  impressive  about  the  sheer  dedication  milo  had  to  making  a  simple  snack  run  complicated  .  the  kind  of  thing  gabe  would've  somehow  apologized  for  ,  even  if  he  wasn't  the  one  who  did  it  .

   "  you  know  …  "  he  started  quietly  ,  stepping  closer .  "  most  people  just  buy  what they want  .  "  a  pause  .  his  eyes  dropped  to  the  mess  scattered  across  the  floor  .  "  less  ...  dramatic  ,  usually  .  "  it  wasn't  a  joke  delivered  with  much  confidence  .  gabe  wasn't  built  for  that  .  the  words  came  out  softer  ,  almost  like  he  was  testing  them  before  letting  them  exist  .  but  he  was  already  moving  before  milo  could  respond  . he  crouched  down  beside  him  ,  grabbing  one  of  the  bottles  that  had  rolled  beneath  the  nearby  shelf  and  setting  it  upright  with  the  others  .  no  hesitation  .

   "  i'll  get  these  .  "  he  murmured  ,  reaching  for  another  bottle  .  "  you  can  worry  about  saving  your  pants  .  "  his  gaze  flickered  briefly  to  the  bright  stain  covering  milo's  joggers  ,  and  there  was  another  quiet  hint  of  amusement  there  .  "  pretty  sure  they're  past  saving  ,  though  .  "  the  words  were  simple  .  almost  teasing  ,  if  anyone  else  had  said  them  .  from  gabe  ,  they  were  practically  a  conversation  .

" mm- wait just- one second- the phone eats first. " and clementine's not ashamed of that. not at this point. maybe she should be, honestly, but her life has to look pristine. no matter what's going on behind the scenes. her internet presence is college life without the damage. everyone's damaged at college, right?

" what did you get? it looks delish. " asked as she picks up her matcha, iced, always iced, phone going back in her purse. she'll pop that into tezza later before it goes on her stories.

   maybe  that  was  the  difference  between  them .  where  clementine  seemed  to  gather  pieces  of  herself  and  scatter  them  into  the  world  for  others  to  hold  ,  casper  spent  most  of  her  life  pulling  herself  inward  .  protecting  what  little  belonged  solely  to  her  .  still  .  she  found  herself  watching  .  always  watching  .  there  was  something  strangely  impressive  about  the  way  clementine  could  construct  herself  .  every  movement  deliberate  .  every  smile  curated  .  a  life  polished  until  it  gleamed  .

   casper  wasn't  sure  if  it  was  confidence  or  survival  .  maybe  there  wasn't  much  difference  .  one  shoulder  lifted  into  a  lazy  shrug  .  "  if  your  followers  don't  see  it  ,  does  it  still  taste  good  ?  like if a tree fell in the forest but nobody was ⸻ well , you get it . "  the  corner  of  her  mouth  twitched  upward  before  she  wrapped  both  hands  around  her  cup  .  the  tease  landed  flat  and  dry  ,  exactly  the  way  most  things  left  her  mouth  .

   her  gaze  drifted  toward  the  drink  in  clementine's  hand  before she spoke again .  "  and  it's  a  lavender  latte  .  "  she  took  a  sip  .  "  tastes  like  somebody  blended  a  flower  shop  into  espresso  .  i'm  still  figuring  out  if  that's  a  compliment  .  "  the  cup  lowered  .  for  a  brief  second  ,  her  eyes  lingered  on  clementine  instead  . there  were  people  who  performed  because  they  wanted  attention  .  there  were  people  who  performed  because  they  didn't  know  who  they  were  without  an  audience  .

as co-captain of the new directions and someone still living in shame from last year's disastrous competition season, stella firmly believed that it was her duty to ensure that each and every new directions member was taking things seriously. not just in their group rehearsals, but outside of them too.

which was why she'd taken to cornering new directioners in public settings, appearing seemingly out of thin air beside them in a way that might terrify those with a weaker constitution. luckily, her voice alerted people to her presence soon after. that day's opening line? "hope you're excited about this week's show choir assignment," words she delivered with an only vaguely threatening smile.

"randomized pairing mashups - how fun! i recommend booking the choir room for your rehearsals sooner, rather than later, before it's monopolized by other - lesser and non-performance related - activities."

   the  words  came  easy  ,  dry  and  flat  in  a  way  that  often  got  mistaken  for  annoyance  .  maybe  because  most  people  expected  warmth  to  come  wrapped  in  ribbons  and  soft  edges  .  casper  had  never  been  particularly  good  at  soft  edges  .  still  ,  she  listened  .  which  was  probably  more  than  most  people  expected  from  her . the  assignment  itself  wasn't  surprising  .  neither  was  stella's  intensity  about  it  .  if  anything  ,  casper  had  started  to  realize  that  intensity  seemed  to  be  the  language  most  of  this  club  spoke  fluently  .  they  cared  loudly  .  openly  .  relentlessly  .  she  wasn't  entirely  sure  what  to  do  with  that  .  all  her  life  ,  effort  had  been  transactional  .  something  exchanged  for  grades  .  achievements  .  approval  .  affection  .  show  choir  wasn't  supposed  to  matter  enough  for  that  .

   yet  somehow  she'd  found  herself  continuing  to  come  back  .  week  after  week  .  she  told  herself  it  was  because  singing  was  easy  .  because  it  felt  good  .  because  it  gave  her  something  to  do  between  classes  .  but  lately  those  excuses  felt  thinner  than  they  used  to  . because  if  she  didn't  care  ,  she  wouldn't  remember  everyone's  harmonies  .  if  she  didn't  care  ,  she  wouldn't  find  herself  replaying  rehearsals  on  the  walk  back  to  her  dorm  .  if  she  didn't  care  ,  she  wouldn't  have  felt  that  small  sting  of  disappointment  hearing  about  last  year's  competition  results  .  that  was  the  irritating  thing  about  caring  .  sometimes  it  snuck  up  on  you  before  you  could  stop  it  .