caspers bastard kid

I sped read this the first time and I was so confused. AU where Ian is Fiona?? but then I saw the shrek part and I shrieked. 

Ian being locked away in a tower because he is the redheaded middle child and who wants that? A Lord (let’s call him Ned) holds a contest for someone to go save Prince Ian from the highest room in the tallest tower and grumpy Mickey shows up because he wants his land back. SO MICKEY GOES AND HE SAVES IAN AND IAN KNOWS HE SHOULD FIND MICKEY DIRTY AND SURLY AND GROSS BUT HE CAN’T BECAUSE MICKEY SAVED HIM AND MICKEY IS FUNNY AND MICKEY CAN BE CARING AND MICKEY IS MICKEY AND THAT’S AMAZING.

AND MICKEY KNOWS THAT PRINCE IAN IS TOO GOOD FOR HIM AND THAT THERE IS NO WAY AND THAT HE PROBABLY SHOULDN’T EVEN BE TALKING TO IAN BUT IAN IS JUST SO CAPTIVATING AND NOTHING LIKE MICKEY THOUGHT HE WOULD BE. SURE IAN CAN BE AN UPPITY SNOB BUT HE’S ALSO CRUDE AND HILARIOUS AND PRETTY.

BUT THEN THEY GET SPLIT APART DUE TO INSECURITIES AND IAN GOES TO MARRY NED BUT THEN AT THE LAST MINUTE MICKEY SHOWS UP AND STOPS THE WEDDING AND TRUE LOVE WINS AND THERE IS A DRAGON BECAUSE DRAGONS ARE FUCKING AWESOME.