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Carter stood in line at the coffee shop, he just needed a bit of caffeine to get him through his classes, that was all. Even with a photographic memory, the male needed to work hard in school if he wanted to start teaching. He must’ve zoned out as he stood because he suddenly heard someone clear their throat behind him and he blinked to see it was his turn. The male stepped forward to order then turned to the girl behind him. “I’ll get whatever she is getting too, since she got my attention.” He said before looking at her. “Did you know people who drink coffee tend to live longer?”
at this point in the morning , noel’s head was pounding - - a mixture between both her raging hang over and a caffeine addiction that had yet to be fulfilled. all noel could think about was a nice , ice cold vanilla latte which was why when the guy in front of her seemed to not notice that it was his turn in line , she took it upon herself to clear her throat to try and snap him out of whatever trance he seemed to be lost in. “you’re gonna get my coffee? today must be my lucky day” there was a sweet smile on her face as she looked over at him and then the barista before ordering her drink. “i did actually ! both of my parents used to argue back and forth about wether i should’ve been drinking coffee at 16 and that was the argument my dad used every single time” she chuckled , taking the liberty of putting a nice tip in the jar since someone had already paid for her drink. “and who’s the kind stranger i get to thank for my caffeine fix today? i’m noel “ she smiled , adjusting the strap of her tote on her bag before leaning back against the counter near where they were waiting for their drinks.
“More than fine by me. Better than being trapped on your own I think.” Although Tilly would count herself as an extroverted introvert, she found that she liked company than her own thoughts sometimes and being alone in a new place was lonely enough. “I do. I just started actually so maybe you saw me unpacking. I’m Mathilde or Tilly, whatever you prefer.” Her accent heavier on her longer name than the nickname. The compliment took her by surprise. “Thank you so much but I’m more jealous of your brown eyes. Most people I know have blue eyes so I actually loved brown eyes.” She confessed while climbing on to the ride.
noel didn’t mean it in a rude way , but she couldn’t help but raise her eyebrows a bit when she heard Tilly’s accent seep into her word. “I think I’ll go with Tilly , that’s such a cute nickname” she smiled, gasping a bit as the ride started to lift them up and rocked back and forth a little bit. “really? you must be from like Northern Europe then… I heard that accent and like everyone up there has blue eyes - - it’s actually quite freaky sometimes…they’re so bright “ noel could feel herself beginning to relax more and more as she grew to feel more comfortable with the girl sitting next to her. “you’re new you said right? What are you studying? Trust me I know that’s a bit of a boring question but i wanna know if we have any classes together or if I’ll have to find some other excuse to get you to hang out with me again”
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theo giggled at what he had said, thinking that it was pretty funny. but in his mind that was true. as he crossed the road, he kept walking on towards to mcdonald’s, not checking if noel was behind him and that’s when he heard the other’s body falling to the ground. his head turned to look to find the other on the ground, but the only thing he could do was laugh as he approached the other - he didn’t know if it was the alcohol in his blood or just the fact that the whole situation would be funny if he was sober, but laughing was just his first reaction. and it was even funnier when noel started screaming that she was dying. bending over to help the other slightly, dragging her body a little to try and get her up, theo kept laughing as he did this. “shut… shut the fuck up, noel, you’re not dying. you just fell… god that was too fucking funny. i hope someone recored that shit.” she said with a laugh, as he looked over at noel and sat down on the ground next to her, giving up entirely on trying to get the other up. “i’m not going to bring you nuggets here…” a hiccup. “not when we’re right outside of fucking mcdonald’s… it’s like we’re… bilbo and frodo and we’re just outside of mount doom. except i… won’t carry you.” theo said, as he lied down on the ground next to noel.
“oh my god do you think someone fucking recorded it?! i can never show my face in public again” she groaned , purposefully leaving her body limp even as theo tried to help her up off the ground - - noel was always one for the dramatics even if she didn’t meant to be. “what the fuck? did you just call me a bimbo? that’s fucked up theo” she laughed , lifting her upper body to sit upright as she stayed on the concrete. “you’re such a fucking nerd , i can’t believe you just made a lord of the rings reference as we’re drunk as shit sitting outside of this mcdonald’s” she rolled her eyes , letting herself come down from the adreline she had felt after her fall. “alright , we can get up now i’m starving” she huffed , and after a few unsuccessful attempts finally pulled herself off the ground with the help of the nearest street light. “can you order for me? i just want nuggets and one of those oreo mcflurry things , i need to go find the toilet before i fucking piss myself” she said , pulling her credit card out of the wallet on her phone and handing it to theo “you can get whatever you want , just don’t bankrupt me yea?”
Seeing Noel always made Coco perk up. She’d tell you herself that she wouldn’t know how else she’d survive Evergreen without the other girl attached to her hip. “That’s why you just down shots, it gets you drunk faster anyway!” She yelled out over the music. There was no point in coming to a party unless it was to get absolutely plastered. As the pair clinked glasses, Coco’s eyes widened and she shook her head. “Do not put that bad juju on me, bitch,” she said, tapping her glass on the counter before throwing it back. Coco hadn’t take a look at the guy that Noel pointed out until she sat her shot glass down, daring to look in his direction. “Who the fuck let him in, anyway? I thought I made it explicitly clear that ugly bitches weren’t allowed in here,” as she spoke, she made sure to make direct eye contact with him as her tone shot up towards the end of her sentence, making sure he heard her. “Alright now I’m ready to go,” she looked at Noel and linked arms with her, making her way to the bathroom. “You said you had to piss first, right?”
throwing the shot back was easy , but one wouldn’t have been able to tell by the absolutely wretched face noel had made as soon as the liquid made its way into her mouth. “why is hard liquor always so fucking gross” she quickly took a sip of her chaser to combat the awful taste — she’d never get used to how it burned. “oh come on he’s not that bad he just needs a little … um …” there was a pause as she looked him up and down , trying to find any redeeming qualities before raising her hands up in defeat. “ okay yea i can’t defend him , the red flannel and green t-shirt combo should be a crime against fashion punishable by arrest” she tried to cover her mouth but it didn’t really help to reduce the loud sound of her laugh as she and coco walked off to the bathroom. “aw babe , you remembered” noel teased , unlinking her arms with her bestie’s for the brief few minutes she spent in the bathroom.
after pushing her way through a large and rather sweaty crowd of drunk people , noel had finally dragged coco to the outside of the sorority house. “fuck , it’s cold out here” she giggled , using the hand that wasn’t holding coco’s to rub the side of her arm as if that was going to help her warm up at all. “we should go do something utterly fucking stupid….” a laugh laced noel’s words as she walked ( in a very not straight line ) down the street. “oh my god , we should get matching tattoos - - holy shit coco we have to” noel said , a shit eating grin on her face as she stopped dead in her tracks and turned to look at her.
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🛌- Does your muse prefer to sleep under many layers of blankets or only under a few?
🎀- Does your muse like to accessorize? What are their favorite pieces of accessories?
🎐- Does your muse like to collect/hoard anything?
🛋- Does your muse like to have company over?
📱- Is your muse the “oversharing” type?
🐰- Does your muse prefer soft, plush textures or smooth and glossy textures?
💎- Is your muse drawn to things that sparkle?
🔖- Is your muse a daydreamer? What do they tend to think about? Have they ever caught themselves while lost in thought?
📰- Does your muse like to read the news?
📇- Is your muse a gossiper?
🕹- What does your muse do to occupy themselves when bored?
🏚- Does your muse like to explore dangerous places?
🌋- Has your muse done something stupid and not regret it?
⛪️- Does your muse enjoy attending churches they don’t belong to?
🛣- Is your muse considered a wanderer?
🐺- Would your muse consider themselves a lone wolf or a social butterfly?
🤝- Does your muse forgive others easily?
🖖- What “Fandoms” would your muse belong to?
🎖- Does your muse enjoy praise?
🎟- Do they like “so bad it’s good” movies?
🎠- Does your muse like amusement parks/carnivals/festivals?
🏝- Could your muse survive on an uninhabited island all by themselves?
OPEN STARTER - @egustarters
LOCATION - anywhere on campus besties
Without his sunglasses to hide the fact that he was absolutely staring at people where he was sitting, it was becoming slightly awkward how many times he had to smile and wave at someone he barely knew. “Oh, thank goodness for a friendly face. People watching never feels creepy when I have my sunglasses on but without it I’m like, that weird guy making prolonged eye contact with strangers.” He laughed at the friend who came up and sat with him. “How are you? Gosh it’s such a nice day out isn’t it?”
since it was such a nice day outside , noel knew it would eat her up inside if she didn’t take advantage of it. she had just finished reading a few chapters of her current book obsession and was walking back to her apartment with dog leash in hand when she spotted drew seemingly staring off into the distance on one of the nearby benches. “you’re people watching? i didn’t even know people actually did that” a grunt fell from her lips as comet rushed up to greet the male , jumping up on him and showering him in kisses and a wagging tail as soon as noel loosened his leash. “i swear this dog acts like he’s never gotten affection a day in his life” she chuckled , relaxing her shoulders bit before answering drew’s question. “i mean it’s kind of hard to feel anything other than good on a day like this , don’t you think?” seeing the sun in march was almost unheard of where she was from in england , so it was definitely something she wasn’t going to take for granted. “i am good though , i was actually about to go grab something to eat and then go practice some scoring on the field if you wanna come with? i could use a goalie”
Where: a fair in town
Who: anyone & everyone @egustarters
The second Mathilde heard there was a small fair in town, she knew she had to go. It was something she could do by herself and hey, maybe she’d meet some new people while she was out. She found herself in line for the ferris wheel and as people got on, she ended up at the front of line with someone next to them. The worker indicated how they’d be sharing, making her look at the person next to her. “That’s okay with me unless you’re here with someone…” She did glance behind her to make sure they weren’t with a partner or something, if they were she would have taken a step back for them to get on together.
with her boyfriend gone for the weekend and all of her friends not answering her texts for some reason , noel wasn’t exactly sure what to do with herself at the moment. she could have stayed in and moped all day but she figured the fair being in town was the perfect excuse to treat herself to some terribly fatty food and overpriced ( not to mention definitely rigged ) carnival games. she had decided to take a break from aimlessly walking around and instead get on the ferris wheel , a smile spreading across her face once she finally got to the front of the line. “oh no it’s just me so i guess you and i are about to be trapped on this thing together” she teased , motioning for the other to get in first before she did. “i’m noel by the way - - do you go to evergreen? i think i may have seen you around but i also have a shit memory when it comes to people” cracking little jokes seemed like the easiest way to subdue the awkward tension between getting on a ride with someone she didn’t know so that was what she was going to do. “you’re really pretty by the way , i’d kill to have blue eyes like those”
𝐖𝐇𝐄𝐍: This is probably this weekend but indulge me now xoxo
𝐖𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐄: Alpha Chi Omega House.
Sororities weren’t really known to throw parties, those were always up to the guys. Mostly because the girls had to seem somewhat stand up, but sometimes the A Chi O girls had to take matters into their own hands, as was tonight. It wasn’t a rager by any means, not like the ones at Delta Psi Beta, but it was an absolute banger. It had to be said that there was something more appealing about girly pop blasting through the speakers and a cleaner atmosphere than the sty those boys probably lived in. Coco was posted on the kitchen counter, basically playing bartender for everyone, but she had grown bored of that within the first hour. Instead she looked at the next person who had walked in the kitchen with a sickening smile. “Hey bitch, I’m fuckin’ bored,” she said, plainly, hopping off the counter. “Let’s do shots,” before the person could even give her an answer, she was already grabbing shot glasses and Tito’s. “And don’t tell me no or I’ll fuckin’ kick your ass out.” What a sweetheart.
at this point , axo had might as well made noel an honorary member of their sorority with how often she had found herself at their house. she was usually slid an invite to parties like these and if you asked her , she much preferred these to the ones delta psi threw every weekend. they were cleaner , the music was better and the alcohol was always flowing - - what could be better? her face had settled in a pout as she swallowed the last of whatever disastrous concoction was in her red solo cup , and was just making her way back to her favorite bartender but before she could even get a word out she was already being met with coco’s demands. “it’s like you read my mind , they really gotta make these fucking cups bigger because i can’t keep coming in here every five minutes after finishing my drink so fast” she huffed , tossing her cup into the bag of trash. “well don’t fucking kick me out or you’ll be standing here doing shots by yourself” she couldn’t help but laugh , honestly over nothing but coco’s entire essence. pieces of hair were tucked behind her ears as she watched the other pour into the shot glasses. “i’m gonna go pee after this and then you and i are gonna go get some fresh air - - it’s fucking hot in here and that guy over there is definitely staring at both of us so we need to move”. she was side-eyeing said guy ( trust , he wasn’t cute ) before lifting her shot glass up to clink it against coco’s , “don’t forget to tap it on the table or you’ll have bad sex for the next ten years” she laughed , doing just that before throwing the shot back.
“i can’t answer that legally… legally i can’t answer that.” theo said, as he was starting to repeat himself and his words were slurring. he had no idea what he was even saying anymore, but apparently he wasn’t going to pick noel’s lock anymore and that just left him even more confused. he was lead outside by the other, looking around, getting distracted several times - being drunk was a fun state when you were with the right people and this was definitely one of those moments. as he looked over at noel as she started worrying if she could fit through the window, theo just shrugged his shoulders and let out a sigh. “noel… noel… noel… shut the fuck up, of course you can fucking fit through there… you have like…” a hiccup. “a body of a twelve year old.” another hiccup, as he let out a small chuckle at his own joke and shook his head as the other started saying that they should do this some other time, but at the mention of mcdonald’s, theo’s face immediately changed. “dude, i would fucking kill for some chicken nuggets right now. fuck breaking in your house, i want those nuggets and i want them now.” he said, not even bothering to look back as he started wandering his way across the street to get to the mcdonald’s - it was lucky that it was late enough that there weren’t that many cars around.
“oh fuck off” a loud laugh fell from noel’s lips as she playfully shoved theo to the side a bit. “i do not have the body of a twelve year old boy , you’re just a fucking twat” she scoffed, beginning her own pattern of drunken hiccups soon after his. “well hold on wait for me!” noel’s words were laced in a giggle as she jogged a bit to catch up with theo’s eager walking. she didn’t even bother to look for a cross walk - - as soon as the traffic was practically empty on the road she didn’t hesitate to book it across the street, though maybe that wasn’t the smartest idea. she was so distracted by the thought of her midnight snack that she didn’t take the time to process that curb right in front of her , and before she even knew it her skin was pressed up against the cold concrete as tears welled into eyes - - like a dumbass , she had tripped over the curb. the sound of noel’s body slapping the ground was so loud it echoed against the concrete. “ow, fuck!” she yelled out as she reached down to grip her ankle. “oh my fucking god i think I’m dying - - theo i’m dying” she groaned , rolling over onto her side as the pain worsened. in reality , the pain she was feeling probably wasn’t anything worse than a sprain ( if even ) , but she was drunk so of course she didn’t know that. “will you at least bring my chicken nuggets to my deathbed? it’s my dying wish theo you have to”
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𝐭𝐥 ; 𝐝𝐫 — this thread takes place a week or so after noel walked in on nico kissing cèline on the ski trip. the two hadn’t spoken to each other for days since then , so when they finally do emotions are high and confessions finally spill out.
𝐭𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐠𝐞𝐫 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 : this thread turns into an argument between the two of them very quickly so just a forewarning for those sensitive to those concepts.
𝐜𝐮𝐫𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐥𝐲 𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐚 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐤 𝐢𝐧 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐨𝐧 𝐝𝐢𝐬𝐜𝐨𝐫𝐝
𝐧𝐨𝐞𝐥 𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐰𝐬
noel felt sick.
her stomach was twisted up in knots and turning every which way as she paced back and forth across her living room. it was so weird to be like this - - so nervous to see nico in a way that wasn’t positive. she was anxious. from his texts it wasn’t hard to tell that he was drunk , or at least that he’d been drinking but she’d hoped to god he had sobered up in the time they were texting and however long it took him to walk from wherever he was to her place. there was a certain anticipation she felt that told her not to expect this conversation to be easy , and she knew it’d only end up worse if he weren’t at least a little bit sober while he was having it.
she had just taken what felt like her hundredth trip around the couch when she heard not only the doorbell ring , but the series of knocks ( more like bangs ) he left against her door. nausea was the only emotion she could distinctly feel as she stopped in her tracks , her heart simultaneously beating through her chest and falling to the pit of her stomach while she stood there. she didn’t even bother to let out her usual ‘one second!’ before making her way over to the door.
the peep hole was cold against her eye as she looked through it , and even though she was anticipating it she was still a little shocked to see nico standing on the other side. it had only been a week , maybe a week and a half at most since the last time she’d seen him but for them that was an eternity.
her eyes fell shut as a deep breath filled and left her lungs , gripping the door handle maybe a little too tight before she turned the knob and opened it. she didn’t say anything at first - - she couldn’t , her anxiety left her frozen in place staring out at him while he stood in front of her. the undeniable wave of relief she felt there after was a strange sensation ; she was glad he was alive , glad he was safe and made it over in one piece. but that feeling soon got mixed with anger , she had half a mind to slap him right across the face just as she’d heard cèline did the second after everything went down. but she didn’t , she suppressed that urge rather quickly and instead finally opened her mouth to softly say “nico…um…come in , i guess” and push her hair behind her ears as she moved out of the doorway so he could enter.
“what do you want to talk about?” of course she knew the answer to that , far too well in fact but she needed to hear it coming from him. “i can’t promise you i’ll have much to say but i’ll at least listen to you” it didn’t take her long to close the door behind her and cross back over to the other side of the room , arms folded as leaned against one of the walls towards the back of her living room.
𝐧𝐢𝐜𝐡𝐨𝐥𝐚𝐬 𝐛𝐥𝐚𝐢𝐫
this wasn't how things were supposed to end up.
finally coming home , escaped from all the snow and the cold , was meant to be different. everyone should have came back with smiles on their faces from having such a good time together. there'd be new friendships , stronger bonds with peers , new romances . . . and yet , here nicholas was , his throat burning and his feet stumbling their way towards noel's apartment.
he never thought he could fuck up so royally that he'd run the risk of losing the one person in his life he knew he'd be lost without. now there was guilt swarming his heart , encasing it , freezing over with regret leading the charge of his emotions. they weren't kids anymore. their fight wasn't over some stupid red bulldozer he wouldn't let noel play with on the playground they'd always be found loitering as kids. she wasn't mad at him something like calling her mud pies disgusting , or telling her that all the worms were going to hate her for screwing with their dirt.
no , this was over something bigger.
as things stood , nico was the furthest thing from sound of mind. each step had been a stumble , his breathing unsteady , his heart pounding ; he felt exactly how he looked — shitty. there was a bottle in his hand accompanying him as he slugged his way to noel's. it was was half empty now , though not to say he had drank what was missing. there had been a point , as he made his way through what he assumed was a park , he had overestimated how steep a step was. the drop ( except it wasn't much of one ) had sent him toppling over onto the ground. he'd gotten back up in a matter of seconds and the bottle had been picked up just as quickly. there had been cursing as he brushed himself off. a scrape or two would make an appearance on an elbow , he was sure of that.
desperation was an unknown feeling to him. the way it grabbed at his heart and pulled , with force enough to rip it out completely , made him feel breathless. but then relief waved over him as noel's complex came into view. seeing it made him feel like he could finally breathe and his lungs were damn tired of reminding him to.
those knocks to her door had been a wake up call for himself and even though he had spent the time preparing to see her . . . when the door opened to reveal noel , he found himself breathless all over again.
the silence shared between each other as they stood there , staring , spoke louder than any words he could ever say. his body had moved on its own accords as she invited him in. the warmth of her apartment engulfed him. it certainly felt more welcoming than she did , but he didn't — he couldn't — blame her for that.
"i know you're angry at me." nico tried to keep his voice steady but the slur of his words was unmistakable. he only let himself take a few steps inside , enough to be out of her way but close enough to feel the comfort of being near her. he didn't know what to say , if he were being honest. the walk here should have been spent thinking about want he wanted to say and needed to be said. but now that he was standing there with her eyes on him , he realized he didn't know the words.
"you don't even know why i did it , do you?" the question filled the air , hung over their heads. "do you?" he took one step towards her then , practically challenging her to an answer. "you don't know why , and yet somehow i'm the bag guy in all of this. how's that any fucking fair?" his eyes glared into hers and he waited. he waited for her answer. silently he prayed for an answer that he wanted to hear.February 12, 2022
𝐧𝐨𝐞𝐥 𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐰𝐬
‘angry’ he says , as if he could possibly even begin to process the fucked up concoction of emotions she had begun to feel the moment she locked eyes with him with his lips pressed against celine’s. it was a little ironic , him thinking she was mad at him - - truth be told she had felt more anger towards herself than him for the past few days.
at first , she was upset with herself for being so upset. they weren’t together , he had every right to be with whoever he wanted - - and though it hurt that the people he had somehow ended up under the sheets with were the two people in her life that knew her anywhere near as well as he did , she knew she would be nothing but a hypocrite for feeling upset with him over that. then , she felt mad at herself for being so stupid , for thinking they ever had a chance at anything more meanwhile he was hooking up with her best friend behind her back. nico had no possible way of knowing that her feelings for him ran so much deeper than the few intimate moments they had shared together.
that was went it hit her ; she was upset because she knew she should’ve told him sooner.
“i’m not—“ she began , but stopped herself just as soon as she started when he took a few steps closer to her. noel’s heart was beating so hard she had half a mind to think it was about to jump out out of chest right then and there. she was scared. not necessarily of him but the way that he was acting - - she had always been the one who was there to calm him down after his angry spats , but now for the first time in her life she was on the receiving end of it. and she was quick to hope she never would be again.
she was busy trying to calm her breaths when nico finally aired out his question , was this what he wanted to talk about? the why of it all? what the fuck did that even mean?
“are you trying to say that I did something to deserve that?” the hints of anger in her tone were evident , how dare he even infer that was that case. as soon as he took a step forward she stood her ground , feet planted firmly on the floor as her previously folded arms dropped to her side. did he really think he had a justification for all of this? she racked her brain trying to think of anything she could have said or done to make him upset and the only thing that came to mind was their night in the pool - - maybe she had misread the situation , but given the way that they couldn’t keep their hands ( or mouths ) off of each other she figured it was safe for her to think he had enjoyed himself as much as she did.
“and even if i did do something to upset you , you should’ve spoken to me about it instead of trying to make some twisted fucking statement by luring me in to watch you kiss my best friend when i was coming up there to—“ her sentence came to an abrupt halt , breath getting caught in her throat as her eyes began to well up with tears.
“it’s not fair , you’re right. but guess what? none of this shit is. it’s not fair to you , it’s not fair to me and it’s definitely not fair to célne who you basically used as a pawn in the fucked up game of chess you decided to play with our feelings - - especially your own” with each word she said her voice got louder , meanwhile hot tears rolled down her cheek. she hated feeling like this towards him.
“well go on , go ahead and tell me why nico - - I’m sure i’d love to hear this” her hand gestured towards him as she mirrored his challenging step in his direction.
𝐧𝐢𝐜𝐡𝐨𝐥𝐚𝐬 𝐛𝐥𝐚𝐢𝐫
nobody was more confused in all of this than him , or at least that's how nico felt. he didn't have answers. he couldn't explain to her why he had done what he done without sounding like a complete and utter asshole , inconsiderate of her feelings. and even his own feelings at this point. none of this was making any sense to him anymore. the only thing he knew for certain was that he loved her , he hated being apart from her , but all he could seem to do was make things worse for the sake of his own gain. a gain that only upped his pettiness factor and make him more undesirable to the public who knew what he had done.
"you don't deserve any of this!" he snapped. the anger in her tone was nothing compared to his own. the anger had filled his eyes. a hand ran through his hair , tugging at , leaving strands sticking out every which way as it dropped back down to his side. he'd taken another step towards her , the sense of personal space was beginning to feel more like an idea than a reality they shared. he was taking it away from her. maybe if he got in her face , if he yelled out every confession he had, she'd finally understand what was going on inside of his head. "but is it so hard to believe that you could have done something? can your brain not comprehend that?" he saw the tears. how could he have not seen the tears as they began streaming down her cheeks? christ , it was like someone had jabbed a scalding hot knife directly into his heart and twisted it. he didn't want to see her cry , not because of him. but he was in too deep now. that regretful part of him was washed over by the drink in his system.
nico had never been good at dealing with his anger in a healthy manner. perhaps that stemmed from his childhood ; all the troubles , the hardships , the abandonment and death , none of it was meant for a child to process. he had gone through it on his own and he had built a shell around him that he thought might've helped him. protect him.
instead it only served to make things worse.
before he knew what he was doing , that bottle in his hand that had been forgotten about until then went crashing to the floor. he didn't pause to check if it had broken or if pieces had gone flying. instead he only lifted his hand , a finger pointing into noel's face as more words spilled from him. "i fucked up , i get that ! i slept with your friend , i made a whole fucking show of kissing her just. for. you. but you can't just fucking stand here and act all high and mighty like you haven't pulled shit." his voice was shaking from the raw emotion filling his words and at this point he wasn't sure if it was from anger or if he was verging on breaking.
there was a shift , a sudden one , as a calmness filled his tone. like the calm before a storm. "i've had to sit at the sidelines and watch you let guys use you because they wanted something to stick their fucking dick in. i've had to sit and watch you text all those worthless pieces of shit when i was right there. right FUCKING there! " there was a pause. his jaw clenched , his hands bawled into fists at his side , because just the mere thought of those guys getting their hands on noel made him feel sick.
it should have been him.
"seeing that killed me. but then — despite all that shit — you go and you write about me? and you make me realize i have no fucking clue what's real and what's fake with you anymore! for all i knew you wouldn't have even gave a damn seeing me kiss céline. when are you going to realize this is because of you? this is all on you!" nico's body was trembling , she might have been able to notice. "i fell in love with you. did you hear that? i fucking love you ! I have ALWAYS been in love with you!" the confession rolled off his lips so easily. he said it without a second thought , like there was nothing left to lose , and really? there wasn't. not anymore. so he let it out , every word he'd bottled up.
𝐧𝐨𝐞𝐥 𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐰𝐬
she didn’t even bother to try and speak.
her brain was too mixed up with thoughts and question and emotions that she wouldn’t have been able to get a coherent sentence out even if she wanted to. what had she done to him? what had she done to deserve that kind of treatment from him. “i didn’t do anything to you” the words came out of her mouth quietly , muffled by the sound of her sniffling while the tears ran down her face at a faster pace.
noel could barely even recognize the person standing in front of her right now , as he yelled and yelled her eyes searched for even an ounce of the nico she knew - - but part of her knew that this was him , just a side she had never seen before. she had long forgotten about the bottle in his hand until he sent it crashing towards the floor ; she flinched as it snapped her back to reality , her eyes watching as the pieces scattered across the floor - - this mess , just like the one she had caught herself in in this very instant, was one she would have to clean up later. her gaze quickly shifted back up only to be met with nico wagging his finger in her face , if she were to listen to the devil on her shoulder she’d have taken it and twisted it until until it broke so he could feel just the same amount of pain she was in right now , but she would never do that to him.
“do you hear how fucking deranged you sound right now? when have i ever done anything to hurt you like that?!” accusations like these hurt no matter where they were coming from , but the fact that they were coming from nico hurt beyond any kind of explanation.
she wasn’t exactly sure what gave her more anxiety , nico’s yelling fit or the sudden wave of calmness that had suddenly taken over him. it made his words sting more than they had throughout the course of their whole conversation. a sob fell from noel’s lips , why was he so upset that she had been sleeping with other people? they weren’t together , and he was being a hypocrite. “- - you know what nicholas , why are we even having this fucking conversation?” that was the only phrase she could get out before he had started up again.
the second noel heard his first sentence her face dropped - — and so did her heart.
he had her journal , and he read it.
at first , the rest of what he said for the most part went in one ear and out the other , her face had turned red ( with both embarrassment and anger ) and the tears that had just stopped a few minutes ago had started back up again. she was boiling over with emotions at this point - - her own fists clenching up at her sides , a nervous habit she had picked up from him no doubt. she was just about ready to go off on him until every thought that had been running across her head at this point came to an abrupt halt , and instead the sound of his words echoed through her mind.
did she hear that correctly?
“you what?” the words came softly from her mouth , filled with a mix of shock and disbelief , her head quickly looking down at the floor. he loved her , he’d always loved her , and as much as she wished she could pull him by his shirt and kiss him right now , she was still angry.
“you love me? you fucking LOVE ME?” she was raging , and she didn’t think twice before she was lifting her hands up and pushing him back by his chest. It was her finger pointing in front of his face now “you do that shit to the girl you love and i’m still the one who’s fault this is?!” she was yelling , so loud that the neighbors two doors down could probably hear her at this point. “do you wanna know why i’m so upset nico? Because to be quite frank , I don’t give a flying fuck that you slept with celine or that you slept with Spencer - - I don’t get to be mad about that because we’re not together” her breaths were heavy , eyes kept locked with his as she went. “I was coming up there to tell you that i fucking love you , that I’ve always been in love with you and that i haven’t been able to *stop thinking about you *since the day we kissed on your stupid fucking couch!” she had to stop and catch her breath , but she didn’t take her eyes off of him for a second.
“but i guess you knew that since you READ MY FUCKING JOURNAL!” nico should have known that noel’s journal was more of her therapist half the time than her actual one was. so to know that he had now read some of the things she couldn’t even bear to speak out loud make her feel too exposed , too vulnerable - - and she didn’t like that , not in this moment. “you know what nico , yes , i did sleep with other people. and maybe i did let them use me in ways they shouldn’t have but i never meant to hurt you , and that’s where you can’t fucking relate” she was blunt , her words cutting like daggers through her own heart even as she said them.
there was a pause , like noel wanted to say something else …but she didn’t know what. abd that was just it , she didn’t want to tell him anything , she wanted to show him something. the instant nico had made a mention of text messages , noel had known exactly what he was talking about. she knew it had to be alix she was talking to , for the most part noel kept her phone on do not disturb while she was hanging out with nico and she didn’t really text anyone outside of the two of them anyways. “do you wanna see? you know , all the ‘worthless pieces of shit’ i’d been texting while you were sitting right next to me?” the passive aggressiveness in her tone made it clear that it didn’t matter what his answer was. as a matter of fact she was already turning her phone around so that he could scroll through the messages she was sending back and forth with alix ; the ones where she did nothing but babble on and on about nico and all the ways he had made her heart flutter that day - - she’d never forget it.
“next time you want to jump to conclusions maybe read the fucking contact name first” she tossed the phone over to him so he could get a better look.
while he had her phone , she had moved back over to the side of the room she was originally standing in , leaning against he wall as she watched him. “you love me huh?” she said under her breath , sniffling a little bit as what was left of her tears rolled down her cheeks. “do you know how long i’ve been waiting for you to say that? how long I’ve been dreaming about hearing those words come from your mouth?” the question was rhetorical , but god she hoped he had some kind of idea.
"prove it.”
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