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Lexie raced down the hall, not believing her ears when she heard the rumours swirling around the hospital. Rumours always spread through the hospital corridors like wildfire, whether they were true or not. The newest gossip happened to include her brother in-law mysteriously being admitted to the hospital for reasons unknown to everyone. It was never good when even the gossip didn’t know what was going on. There were whispers of a possible accident, but nothing was clear.

Left. Right. Left. Lexie had long since memorized Mer’s frequent hang out locations and even more importantly, her hiding locations. But she wasn’t in any of them. Not even in the spot tucked between the empty vending machines on floor three. 

So Lexie began methodically walking up and down the ICU units rooms until she found a familiar figure wedged into a seat between two full vending machines. Meredith. Lexie’s heart sank as she saw her sisters face. It must mean that the rumours were likely true. Lexi didn’t want to ask. She didn’t want to open Pandora’s box because she didn’t want it to be true. “Meredith...Is it true?”

I’ve been thinking about switching this main account with my side-blog, @ninjasawakenedmystars. I would still follow you all, you wouldn’t need to re-follow me, but if you wanted to follow the lexipedia blog it would be different. I would be keeping all of my content for Lexie up here as I want to keep the archive of it alive, but any new Lexie content would come from my side-blog (and I’ll try to keep the same name) and any content from this account would be my OC account where I post about all my fanfiction stuff in general (notifs for my long running Wattpad fic, take requests, etc.) Thoughts friends?

I posted 43 times in 2021

3 posts created (7%)

40 posts reblogged (93%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 13.3 posts.

I added 132 tags in 2021

#para - 43 posts

#mark - 19 posts

#para: mark - 19 posts

#mer - 16 posts

#para: mer - 13 posts

#para: meredith - 6 posts

#para: alex - 5 posts

#alex - 5 posts

#fighting feeling - 4 posts

#para: lexie - 2 posts

Longest Tag: 60 characters

#i'd like to thank nasa for providing me with astronomy facts

My Top Posts in 2021

#3

The Other Returnee|| Lexie & Alex

@makemycwnluck

Like any other day, Lexie’s thoughts were full of the recent transpirings at the hospital. With her return and spat with Meredith, then making up with Meredith, and then finding out about Mark’s return, Lexie’s return to Seattle had been a packed one. She locked her office door behind her and set off in search of some residents who had been doing research on a project for her. Head in her tablet, Lexie walked past the surgery board to make sure that her surgery was still on for later that day. It was. 

But she found something else that was even more curious. On the board for a different OR was A. Karev. Her eyes widened. Did that mean that Alex was back in town? Since she had some time to kill before she needed to check in on the residents, she decided to go searching.

Lexie made her way up to the peds floor, and of course, at the nurses station, there was none other than Dr. Alex Karev. Lexie smiled, happy to not be the only one returning to their roots in Seattle. “Dr. Karev. Nice to see you back here. DId Mawali make you miss the cold and rain of Seattle?”

10 notes • Posted 2021-01-02 02:37:40 GMT

#2

Fighting Feeling|| Mark & Lexie

Things have been a little bit tense since Finn had come and found Lexie in Mark’s room. She doesn’t know if she’s more embarrassed about being found hugging him, or the fact that Finn knew that’s where she would be. As much as the hug with Mark was just that, a hug, it doesn’t bode well because of the suspicion it’s drummed up.

Lexie looks down at her phone to see a text m from Finn. Lunch, courtyard, 12?

Lexie types back, sounds good!

Lunch time comes around and Lexie makes her way down to the courtyard, her leftovers from the night before in her bag. Waiting for her at one of the tables is Finn. He gives her a small waive and Lexie smiles back in response. She takes a deep breath, he seemed to be in a good mood. 

Their lunch goes on normally for a while, both of them sticking to light topics like how their day was and if anything interesting happened, but as Lexie’s lunch break creeps to an end, an awkward silence floods the conversation. Both have run out of pleasant topics and surface conversations, the events of the night Lexie visited Mark’s room hanging heavy in the air.

“So...do you want to explain what happened?” asks Finn.

Lexie sighs heavily. This is not a conversation she wants to have. “I took some residents around on a routine round and I may have pushed him a little too hard. So, I went back to apologize later that night. And...”

Finn tilts his head and then shakes it, “That’s all fine Lex, but you know that’s not what I meant. I walk in and you’re in the arms of a man who used to be your fiance.”

Sighing again, Lexie tries to explain herself once again. “Look, he’s got a good chance of dying Finn. I just can’t let him...I just...Even though he is completely in my past relationship wise, I still care about him. I don’t want him to die. Is that what you wanted to hear?” Lexie says, starting to get defensive.

“I want to hear that you’re not using me as some sort of jealousy tool because I’m not that kind of guy. I don’t do love triangles,” explains Finn, running his hands through his hair in frustration. “You need to decide if I’m what you really want, and if you don’t, it’s fine but you need to let me know before we go any further.”

The tensions and anger levels of both start to go over their boiling points. “What and you think I wanted him to come back here now?” says Lexie, trying but failing to keep her voice down. “I had no idea just like you. I got clobbered over the head with it just like you.”

“Like I said, that’s fine Lex, but like I said, you need to decide. That hug looked like a lot more,” The exasperation is clear in Finn’s voice, yet there is still a certain softness to his words. Lexie goes to interject but FInn does not let her, “Listen, I’ve got to get back, one of my patients is in labour, but you need to figure out what you want before we can keep going.”

Lexie is left in a state of utter shock, embarrassment, and confusion, still standing at the table. Realizing the amount of eyes looking her way, Lexie sits down and resumes eating her lunch. This time chewing on her carrot sticks as quick as a rabbit would while staring at the wall in front of her. 

19 notes • Posted 2021-06-15 04:11:56 GMT

#1

Antics|| Mark & Lexie

Lexie assigned all of the interns who had been gossiping about her to scut duty and took a team of upper year residents who were considering neuro as their specialty to go do rounds and check on Mark after the additional tests they’d run at Seattle Grace. 

It’s a lot easier for her to be mad at Mark when he’s not there in-front of her. The other day she’d stormed into his room in a fury and ended up joking around, at least for a little bit. But today, after not seeing him for a while, the urge to be petty rose back up.

The team of residents lead by Lexie make their way into Mark’s room as one of the residents starts to present the case. “Mark Sloan aged 46, has a large astrocytoma in his lower spinal cord. Had a normal scan yesterday and was cleared by cardio for further testing and procedures.”

“Great,” nods Lexie at the intern before turning to Mark. “Just to go over your list of medications, are you taking anything other than Sildenafil?” And there’s the petty. A few of the interns snicker as they recognize the medication. 

@sloanmdmark

32 notes • Posted 2021-02-08 03:48:30 GMT

At least, her morning had been productive and filled with two seemingly good outcomes. Mark nodded his head as she spoke. “Sounds like a good morning,” he agreed softly as he watched her stab the vegetables in the bowl in front of her. He wondered if she was imaging they were little Finn heads or Mark heads or maybe both. “Talking about surgery is a fact of life. We are surgeons. We have to keep moving forward, helping people where and when we can. I know it isn’t personal,” he shrugged. Although, sometimes when he got dark he couldn’t help but wonder if it was all personal. Too personal.

Thankful for Mark’s words, Lexie nods. She missed when they would just sit and talk about their cool surgeries of the day, or when Mark would invite her on to cases where she got to watch him do incredible things like give a kid ears or a man a new face. It’s part of why she fell for him in the first place.

Meredith’s head slightly bends as she listens to Lexie, nodding. That made sense, feeling conflicted had to be the most expected feeling of them all under the circumstances. The man she has loved, was engaged to, whom she had literally just bought a house with and was planning on having a family with, winds up walking out on her with nothing but a simple note, goes missing for years, then shows up again with an inoperable tumor on what would be expected to be his death bed; after having spent years trying to forget about him and move on from him, feeling conflicted was about right. Hearing Lexie talking about how she feels like a mess definitely breaks Meredith’s heart to hear, she hates knowing her sister feeling that way. Except it all made sense, so much sense. Hearing how she both wanted to hug him and punch him in the face made Meredith chuckle lightly, a slight smile crossing her face, an understanding one, because she would most definitely feel the exact same. To hear that it was starting to get to her when she was with Finn, Meredith gulps. That, too, made a lot of sense. She could not help putting herself in Lexie’s shoes, and thinking that even if she had met someone else whom she would love and care for deeply, if Derek were to show up like that five years later, she would most definitely be thinking about him all the time. She had never stopped thinking about him ever since she had met him, it was that simple. Her and Derek’s story was not Lexie’s and Mark’s, but that kind of love is consuming and takes you in completely. There is no half-way... and there is no moving on from it. As Lexie begins to ramble, Meredith just listens, knowing she probably just needed to let it off her chest. Clearly she had been holding it all back, and obviously she could not talk about this with Finn, so this was a much needed unload to someone she could actually confide into without ruining anything. Meredith steps closer to Lexie and gently grabs her arms, squeezing them lightly. “Nothing about this is normal,” she reassures her right away. “You’re dealing with this as best as you can, that’s really all that matters, and nobody gets to judge that,” she tells her. “You’re going at this however you can, this is an impossible situation and you’re doing your best.”

Lexie nods, thankful to have her sister by her side. Even though Lexie may not admit it out loud, her non-judgemental approach to it all definitely eases her mind about the whole thing. Nothing about this is normal. It’s as if Mer knows exactly what she needs to hear.

“Thanks, Mer,” says Lexie. “I appreciate how patient you’ve been with me since he showed up.”

Lexie was grateful that Mark seemed to pick up on the fact that she didn’t want to talk about Finn at the moment. Even though she desperately wanted to talk it over with someone, Mark was definitely not the right person to do it with. Mer would be a much better option for the topic since she didn’t have a stake in it. “Well before lunch it was fine, had a surgery and it went well. Did a consult on a peds case this morning too, kid was pretty cute, she’s going to be aright though, she’s just got a small pituitary adenoma,” said Lexie, as she took a few more bites out of the salad that she hadn’t quite finished before Finn left. 

He hated that she moved away from him, but he couldn’t exactly chase her. And Lexie knew that. No matter how right their embrace had felt a few days ago. “We can talk about something else then, if you’d like,” he told her. Maybe he could work the angle of trying to distract her from the conversation between herself and Finn. “Or I can go. Either is fine.”

If he lied, he could spare her feelings on this one. If he told her that he had heard everything, embarrassment would take over and she would likely rush back inside. He wouldn’t be able to chase her. “What I heard or didn’t hear doesn’t really matter,” he stated softly reaching a hand out and placing it on her shoulder. “What matters is if you are okay.” Glossing over the facts. Perfect.

Karen had kept suggesting a change of scenery, telling him, insisting it would change his mood.  So, this afternoon, Mark had the resident bring him down to the courtyard.  He was tucked behind some bushes near a bench, reading his book.  Sunlight was good for people.  Maybe it would give him a bit more color and people would stop worrying so much.  

Although Mark knew sunlight and fresh air weren’t going to solve the situation he was in now.  They could improve his mood though, and he knew that was needed.  It was hard to sit in a hospital room day after day waiting for your former best friend and ex to figure how how they might be able to address the tumor growing in your spine.  

He hadn’t meant to overhear the conversation between Lexie and Finn.  Mark didn’t mean to listen so hard, but when his name entered the conversation, he closed his book.  If they were talking about him, he had a right to know what Lexie was saying.  Finn thought there was still something between them.  At least, that was something he and Mark could agree on.  There absolutely was.  At least for him.  

Mark swallowed as he heard Finn tell Lexie that she had to figure out what she wanted before their relationship could go any further.  He waited a few moments.  Maybe it wouldn’t be so obvious that he heard the entire conversation.  He rolled his chair from next to the bench and to the open walkway.  “Hi Lexie.”

Things have been a little bit tense since Finn had come and found Lexie in Mark’s room. She doesn’t know if she’s more embarrassed about being found hugging him, or the fact that Finn knew that’s where she would be. As much as the hug with Mark was just that, a hug, it doesn’t bode well because of the suspicion it’s drummed up.

Lexie looks down at her phone to see a text m from Finn. Lunch, courtyard, 12?

Lexie types back, sounds good!

Lunch time comes around and Lexie makes her way down to the courtyard, her leftovers from the night before in her bag. Waiting for her at one of the tables is Finn. He gives her a small waive and Lexie smiles back in response. She takes a deep breath, he seemed to be in a good mood. 

Their lunch goes on normally for a while, both of them sticking to light topics like how their day was and if anything interesting happened, but as Lexie’s lunch break creeps to an end, an awkward silence floods the conversation. Both have run out of pleasant topics and surface conversations, the events of the night Lexie visited Mark’s room hanging heavy in the air.

“So...do you want to explain what happened?” asks Finn.

Lexie sighs heavily. This is not a conversation she wants to have. “I took some residents around on a routine round and I may have pushed him a little too hard. So, I went back to apologize later that night. And...”

Finn tilts his head and then shakes it, “That’s all fine Lex, but you know that’s not what I meant. I walk in and you’re in the arms of a man who used to be your fiance.”

Sighing again, Lexie tries to explain herself once again. “Look, he’s got a good chance of dying Finn. I just can’t let him...I just...Even though he is completely in my past relationship wise, I still care about him. I don’t want him to die. Is that what you wanted to hear?” Lexie says, starting to get defensive.

“I want to hear that you’re not using me as some sort of jealousy tool because I’m not that kind of guy. I don’t do love triangles,” explains Finn, running his hands through his hair in frustration. “You need to decide if I’m what you really want, and if you don’t, it’s fine but you need to let me know before we go any further.”

The tensions and anger levels of both start to go over their boiling points. “What and you think I wanted him to come back here now?” says Lexie, trying but failing to keep her voice down. “I had no idea just like you. I got clobbered over the head with it just like you.”

“Like I said, that’s fine Lex, but like I said, you need to decide. That hug looked like a lot more,” The exasperation is clear in Finn’s voice, yet there is still a certain softness to his words. Lexie goes to interject but FInn does not let her, “Listen, I’ve got to get back, one of my patients is in labour, but you need to figure out what you want before we can keep going.”

Meredith grows quiet as Lexie speaks up, leaning against the counter, just staring back at her sister. She sympathized because in a way, she had been there. Derek had chosen Addison, she had tried to forget about him by dating their dog’s vet. And Finn was a great guy, he could have been perfect for her, except he was not Derek. Losing Derek had nearly broke her, she understood Lexie so well in that department. Although Derek never proposed to her and then walked out on her, leaving her to an empty house and no explanation of his departure. And he certainly did not poof on her years later with a gigantic tumor, biggest anyone had ever seen, and on his death bed. She literally would have killed him with her bare hands. But she would have loved him, still. Meredith holds back a smile and not because it was funny, but because Lexie’s choice of words were exactly her own, years ago. In a similar situation, heart torn between two great people, one who showed up and did right by her, and the other whom she loved with her whole being but who had broken her so badly. Lexie was in an impossible situation, and Mark’s uncertain fate had to be horribly painful to deal with for her. It was for them all, but specifically for Lexie, after everything. And the last thing she needed was pressure from anyone, but especially from her sister, and Meredith really did not want her to feel any kind of pressure and so she only nods along in response. Her question though throws her completely off guard and Meredith swallows thickly, at a loss for words. She stares at Lexie a moment, the question sinking in, her heart feeling it... all too well. “I think love is far too complex to be strictly black or white,” Meredith begins with, head lightly shaking, shrugging. “Because if it was, Derek and I would not be together,” she stated, matter of factly. She pauses for a moment, looking Lexie in the eyes. “He broke me, and I broke him. Many times. But no matter how much we hurt each other, somehow we always ended up back together.” Meredith pauses again, looking into Lexie’s eyes still, swallowing. “Mark left Seattle to spare you of all of this, the tumor, the pain, the worry... Now I’m not saying he did the right thing, he really did not,” she denies with a shake of head. “But somehow he winds up back here, right where he left off, and I can’t help but think that has to mean something, whatever it is.” She shrugs. She pauses, gulps. “I’m not saying you should do anything, Lex, I’m just saying... It’s ok to feel whatever it is you’re feeling, and it’s ok to care about him, no matter what he’s put you through. And whatever you want to do is ok, just allow yourself the room to decide what it is you really want. That’s all I want to say.” She shrugs.

Even though Meredith is telling Lexie everything she probably needs to hear, she doesn’t want to hear it. Again, the implication of Mark being her “Derek” irks her. She doesn’t want to end up with Mark because she’s been there and done that, but she didn’t like the ending. Everything with Mark has become so complicated that she’s just trying to block out everything as much as she can. She still wants to see Mark to make sure he’s alright, but she doesn’t want to be stuck thinking about him all the time. She wants her thoughts about him to start and end everytime she walks through the door of his hospital room. Unfortunately, that’s not really how Lexie’s mind works. It races and thinks faster than she can realize she’s even thinking.

Leaning against the counter, Meredith just grows silent and waits. She knows it is a loaded question, knows there is a lot there, a lot of baggage. But she also knows Lexie well enough to know that no matter the heartache and pain, Mark coming back did not just mean Mark came back. Why had he come back to Seattle with this condition, after he had left everything? It was not because he wanted to live. It was not because he cared for his own and wanted to seek for the help of his peers. It was for her, it was for Lexie. And she knew her sister knew that, and that too, was heavy loaded. She had to ask, and she had to know so that she could maybe help Lexie through this, or at least support her through this. When Lexie denies anything going on though, Meredith wants to let her lie and give her room, but she cannot help but to tilt her head at the response. It was obvious that it was a lame answer, that it was not the truth, but could she blame her? No. She had been heartbroken and Mark had really messed up when he had left. She had every right to want to handle this however she wanted to handle this. But as her sister, Meredith could not just let the lying be ok because that would not get Lexie anywhere. If she wanted to lie to people, fine. But she would not lie to her. She cannot help but smile at the mention of Finn, and she cannot fight off a chuckle. “I’m sorry, sorry,” she shakes her head, biting her lip, though the smile cuts through. “It’s just... every time you say Finn, it reminds me of this guy I used to date back in the days, when Derek was with Addison - gosh that feels like a lifetime ago,” she shakes her head, eyes growing wide for a moment. She sighs. “A cute vet, kind, a really great guy,” she nods. “Not your Finn, let me reassure you there,” she chuckles, head shaking. “But it was all about love triangles back then... you know,” she shrugs, unable to hold back on the comment, hinting a potential one for her, Finn and Mark - obviously. Meredith grows serious though when Lexie goes on about how Mark had changed so much, which was to be expected. He had a massive tumor and his life was hanging in the balance, literally, it had obviously changed the man. Hearing Lexie going on about him and how he was meek, she cannot help but to shake her head as she lets out a sigh. Indeed, that was not Mark. And she had been to see him, and he had indeed changed. Anybody in his position would have. Her eyebrow raises when Lexie tries to justify her residents implications, but Meredith could not care less. Hearing her say how they both could finally move on did not cease her at all because she knew how full of crap that was. She could not move on from Mark, she never had and never would. That was exactly like if Meredith said the same about Derek. No matter the crap that could go down, there was never any possibility of getting over the man that her heart literally beat for. And that goes for Lexie, too. It was obvious. But Meredith keeps quiet and nods her head in response, stares at her sister a moment longer, straight in her eyes, allowing a silence to take place for a bit. And after a moment, she swallows, giving Lexie a soft smile. “You have a right to love him still Lex, you know?” She says softly, her eyes locked with her sister, such warmth and softness in her voice as she tried to sound as kind and open-minded and welcoming as possible. She knew all this was not easy on Lexie, at all. “No matter what he’s put you through, and god knows when he’s up on his feet and back into some kind of shape, he’ll hear about it,” she nods, “but,” she pauses, sighs and gulps, “It’s ok for you to love him still, even through the ache and the pain and the anger.”

The comparison between Finns catches Lexie’s attention, though the initial scare of it being the same person goes away when Mer explains that their Finn’s are indeed two different people. Perhaps fate had a sense of irony, because all those times Lexie wished to be like her sister, she hadn’t meant the whole love triangle thing. In fact, she found it difficult to think that Mer could be with anyone else or even had been because she and Derek are just...made for each other. But considering Mark would be the “Derek” in this situation, Lexie tenses. 

There was no way she could ever let Mark Sloan back into her heart like that because she couldn’t risk being hurt again. Never mind all the other factors like their age gap--though the difference in years seems less important now than it did when she was an intern--or the fact that he could be so pretentious some times. 

Despite Mer’s attempts to come off as warm, the sheer weight of the words put Lexie’s defensive walls up. You have a right to love him still Lex, you know?  But that’s the problem; she doesn’t want to love him. “Look Mer...I love him, I will probably always love him. But I don’t want to love him, I want to be happy. And Finn, he makes me happy.” Lexie pauses for a moment and glances around to make sure no one else has heard her. It wouldn’t be good if her words were messed up game of broken telephone and Finn heard what she’s said out of context. “I need to make sure Mark gets that goliath tumour of of his spinal cord, but once that’s over, I think I’ll get the closure I need and I can move on...again. But this time for good because I won’t have to keep wondering what happened to him.

There it was. Lexie was afraid. And not just of the odds against her as a surgeon. Deep down, she didn’t want to lose Mark again. He nodded and sucked at his bottom lip. Neither of them heard the footsteps approaching as the air hung heavy between them. Karen had been right. The3re was still feelings there. One last try. Mark shifted a bit and moved to sit up straighter this time. He opened his arms once more, “Come here Lex.”

Lexie didn’t say anything and only let out a small sniff, trying to stop the mist in her eyes from turning into waterfalls. This time, Lexie didn’t hesitate to go into his arms, with all the talk of finality and losing him, she had to. 

She stayed there for what felt like a long time, though she couldn’t be sure, thinking about everything and nothing at the same time. For the first time in a while, she simply existed in the moment.

That was until she heard someone clear their voice from behind her and she knew exactly whose voice it was: Finn. She jumped a little; she wasn’t sure if it was because of who it was or if it was due to her lack of awareness of her surroundings.

She quickly let go of Mark and turned to her boyfriend who was leaning against the frame of the door. “Uh, hey Lex, I was just looking for you so we could go home. I can come back later if you need a minute,” he said calmly yet a bit awkwardly as he motioned towards the door.