ninetysixpercent

dig this lair

All this gold and white in here its like I just walked into a wedding

dearly beloved im magdalena we are gathered here today in a really cool gradient from gold to white to check out my pearl

are you checking it out I dont think you're giving my pearl the attention it deserves do you know how much time I spend licking this thing. i'm licking it right now, look

this little bird appreciates my pearl but I dont see you giving it your full and undivided attention now do I? I can stay up here all day if I have to.

anyway once they get done with that i'm marrying this guy

that's metal.

wait shit he's twins

welp

im pretty sure that this is a good decision especially the part about how the guy performing the ceremony is sauron

no doubt about it that's sauron how could this ever go wrong

dig this lair

ooooh the PARTY DONT START TILL I WALK I-

oh WOW

ooOOOOOOOOOOhhhhh~~

im getting some really serious duality woojievibes here this is like the uh, like the eternal conflict of good and evil? Of light and darkness? Of being all grim striding around in like COATS and against the wind and maybe being the sort of dragon who says things like

when they just got theIR FACE CLAWED OFF? Versus dragons who don't do that? like this one?

this is shyrza tho

I think she kind of needs to relax a little she looks like the kind of dragon that would make grossety dragons in bandages say hardass things because she clawed their faces off and they had to pretend to be cool about it like layet did right there

all this disharmony here is really messing me up though you know what everybody needs is to settle this once and for all and i'm pretty sure I know EXACTLY HOW TO MAKE IT HAPPEN!!! :D:D:D:D:D <3 <3 <3

there's something about little spiral babies doing the STARING EYES THING that makes people nervous so I had neveah help me :D:D:D:D

okay now EVERYBODY LINE UP!!!! >:(

SCARY ON ONE SIDE GROSSETY ON THE OTHER SIDE

okay!!

now KISS!!!!!!!! :D:D:D:D<3<3<3:D:D:D

Thanks to everybody who signed up for a Cephalopod lair review, I've been enjoying them a lot and will definitely do it again. If I haven't done yours yet, don't worry--they just take a little while with the extra graphics and I've got a few other unavoidable time demands. There'll be a steady stream over the next few days.

dig this lair

the hell?

the hell's going on here this is supposed to be one of those VENERABLE lairs.

venerable my ass Im not seeing pearls in here mainly a buncha guardians lying around not guarding a fucking thing. mostly theyre making clam nachos and guarding clam nachos.

wait

who the fuck am I kidding

anyway turns out this is a higher class joint than I thought check it out they've got a poodle

see the scallop? Seeeeeeee the scallop?

GO GET IT

...jerk

look at this sad piece of shit I found in the back though. farted and tried to blame it on me when there was nobody else around, for real. shame tunic in full effect.

one look into his four beady eyes and you can tell hes been a disappointment to everybody who encountered him since he hatched

keeps trying to tell me about his rp character its a level fuckillionteen ninja wolfnaga priestess with three heads that all make out with each other ones got green eyes and ones got purple eyes and ones a wizard and she runs a tavern called the dewdrop inn he thinks thats fucking hilarious

he just leaned over and nudged me

dewdrop inn he said

do drop in

dig this lair

It takes a plague lair to wade through a river of glands up a hill of bones and cartilage and back down into a valley of coagulated horrorsludge AND THEN get this asshole gliding up out of the gloom with a skull mask and a glowing sigil like what up, it's contagious. Goddamn tryhards. PLAGUEMAMA DON'T GIVE EXTRA CREDIT FOR LOOMING, FUCKER.

...huh.

Hold on a second here. I knew there was something to like about this Zoroark guy under all that forbidding bullshit. No skydancer has ears that hairy. Fuckin look, check out his spawn Strawberry.

Kid looks like a comfy old sofa in the best possible way. You could lose quarters in those flowing locks. You could lose cars. Worlds. Y'know who's not responsible for that double-plush topcoat? HER MOM, THAT'S WHO.

The pearl's well and good but don't be fooled. Coupla guardian parents on her. Got this shit figured right the fuck out.

So there you go, Mr. Loomy McDark O'Boney. Secret's out. You can take the tundra out of the shag, dude, but you can never take the shag out of the tundra. };}

But uh, on a more personal note. See, this lady here.

Nice rocks on her. Great spikes, her mom's named after booze...you know, basically perfect. So uh. Tereshka?

Hey.

We could, like, get coffee sometime.

coffee = laid.

just saying.

dig this lair

This lair's gonna be a problem, I can tell

im tasting the rainbow and I tasted it a little already if you get me and i think you do

so the first thing I see when I walk in is this

and over its shoulder I see this

and this

and this

and thats about the time I start thinking to myself that his is going to be one of those moments when you just go fuck this im a snapper and you lay down and spend a few quiet hours pretending youre an abandoned dumptruck that nobody can haul out of the way

this only works if youre a snapper

I guess if you're a fae you've gotta pretend to be an abandoned cheeto or something

point is that you're gonna have to claw your way out of this lair with your eyebrows if you have maybe exceeded your daily allotment of things like flashing colors or dragons with gembond like a fucking disco ball or things that wub because skrillex is here

see

says so right there

anyway I got to the back of the room and took a couple deep breaths and found this secret ninja crew lurking around check em

they're cool.

we're gonna start a band. Abhorson wants to call it like LORDS OF CONSUMING THE FLESH OF THE DEAD or something but hes got this whole scandinavian death metal gig going I think it's gonna be something a little more like BEERS

yeah

BEERS

(please) dig this lair

HIHIhihihi im heeeere im REEEEADY <3 <3 <3 :D:D:D:D:D:D:D

:d

:|

:\

o_o    >_<    O_O

what

what happened here

oh hi there arent you a CUTIE <# wheres your mom

oh i uh

what

help

i

um whatever I said I didnt mean it im

im REALLY SORRY D:

oh god youre all just staring

I cant handle this I cant deal with this at all I have to get out I have to get out RIGHT NOW can one of you tell me how to get out of here I CANT SEE ANYTHING ANYMORE ITS ALL GOLD AND IM SCARED

AAAAIIIIIEEEEEEEE THEYRE BREEDING NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:

HELP

MOM

MOM I LOVE YOU IF I NEVER SEE YOU AGAIN I NEED YOU TO KNOW THAT I LOVE YOUUUuuuuuu~~ !!!!

!!! oh god you must know whats going on YOURE THE ONLY ONE WHO ISNT SOME FREAKY CLONE THINGY PLEASE CAN YOU HELP ME I dont even know what im doing here anymore and everybodys staring at me and smiling and I dont UNDERSTAND D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:

dig this lair

shit I love ridgebacks lemme just give a solid to this guy right here

said I brought a pizza and im in like Flynn or more accurately Flynn with a pizza check it

anyway hes a scholar and a fucking gentleman as you can tell by the whole knightly getup with like the armor and whatnot strapped on and the general demeanor of earnestness and being iron and gold colored and the fact hes got his own little peasant following him around attending to shit

whats this guy up to

looks sullen

you can tell hes planning something

so my bro there tried to introduce himself and i think I broke something saying it back cause those are not sounds that are real sounds I dont care how many goddamn fermented seaberries you get your claws on a vrallazth is not a thing you call a guy

hes ben now

just ben

this is bens girl Thththththththththththth

at least I hope she is theres something about her I dig maybe its those kinda beady wildclaw eyes that look a little pissed all the time and those fuckoff huge evisceration claws on her feet

plus shes got that tiger thing going on all the time thats three or four species of mean stuck into one lady dragon

basically shes obviously a stone cold badass in a satin shirt and I think shed like my guy ben

and then i met this guy

  i may or may not have pillowed my cheek on his soft and accommodating bosom for like five minutes and those five minutes were an eternity

they were an ocean

they were like the dimly remembered shelldreams of a tiny baby hatchling upon whom the travails of this naughty fucking world have not yet been visited

I cried a little

im not too proud to admit that

OMG HIIIIIII

sO THE SE guys? Just let me in? AND HERE I AM D:D:D:D wait I mean :D:D:D:D:D

okay so pretty much everybody heres an imperial or kind of looks like one like maybe they're skydancers or something but they're imperials INSIDE I CAN TELL i've always been very intuitive I wanna kiss everybody <3>3 but theres LIKE A TON oh my GOD its just

its just EVERYBODYS BEAUTIFUL SOULS looking me right in the face make me want to dance so

iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiim comin up AND WERE GONNA GET THIS PARTY STARTE~~~~~~~d

dancing dancing this is liara and she's a beautiful beautiful flower that is a beatuful butterfly AND SHES A DRAGO N TOO we're sisters now her soul talked to me and said that was okay

shepard is all noooo I am icycool but inside I AM HOT and its TRUE!!!SHE IS SO HOT <2 she is a maniac maniac on the flo~~or

this guy tho

um

party foul a little bit I cant say he cant bring his GROSSETY ASS in here cause this isnt my house

but I hope he heard that :(:(:(:(

this is the best party and im glad I came these are good people. I love this place so much everybody is so bright and clean and pink and purple and FANCY (except that guy) you could lick ANYTHING in here and it would be okay!!! i bet that guy licks things too though so maybe not

brb theres somebody at the door

Snooty fuckers dont even keep their doors locked check it out

im hanging out with hoity toity pearlcatchers this shit is sincerely deluxe

smells good in here

so anyway here's the deal basically everybody here is naked

i'm not complaining I guess that's a thing when you're this fancy and youve got pearls the size of fucking pomeranians cruising around you just figure hey you know what im not even going to put on a fucking hat today im gonna play bareass pearl volleyball like I usually do

speaking of which

i'm gonna make this guy murinu my top gun my wing man my maverick I think you get the idea look at those god damned wings will you look at that shit you could make those fuckers into a tent for baby lamborghinis camping out on the lawn of their beachfront summer home

im kinda lost in them right now hes probably looking at me funny but that fucking kokomo song keeps running through my head and im swept away to like this tropical sex palace where everybodys a drink that comes in a pineapple

thats what those wings are about

dont know whats up with the muttonchops though

real talk though this lady here eligia is coming back home with me she doesnt know it yet but im totally convincing

gonna sidle up to her and be all hey

hey baby ooh cmon I know a place

oooh I wanna take you to bermuda, bahama come on pretty mamGOD FUCKING DAMMIT that fucking SONG

seriously though look at her shes like a million dollar cybergoth macaron <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 bet her soaps the same color she is bet it smells like freesia or something <3 <3 <3 <3 whatever the fuck a freesia is

im gonna sneak around the back a little so she doesnt see me coming I gotta make my move right

impressive yknow

hey check it out its the nests lets just have a look see whats going on he-

aw BALLS

well

guess ill just let myself out then

Hi. I'm Cephalopod and I want to subject your lair to exactly the sort of evaluation you'd expect from somebody whose own lair is a landfill disco. I'll send one of my seasoned club dragons over to check you out and post the results; they'll probably be high but hey, it's 1000 treasure, right? Such value. And look at this face.

you want this face to look

into

your windows.

this face has seen some shit.

Hello. I'm Cephalopod, and these are my precious babbus that despite their charm and good looks and excellent breeding ARE GOIN STRAIGHT TO POLISH UP PLAGUEMAMA'S SCABROUS BACKSIDE if nobody's feeling like adopting them.

This is my fancy lass. Dig that pallor. Those scabs, man. Unf, right? Maize/White/Maroon. She's 50k treasure.

And this is her brother, who's a goddamn spaghetti death god in the making. 15k treasure. Maize/Ice/Red. He's cheap cause lolsketti.

Flight Rising hatchling letters are my new problem. This is from my clan's newest snapper to her folks, Byrne and Baird. If you see this, Mercenary, I promise she wrote this in a moment of melancholy and felt much better after lunch.