Just Me - The ninalanfer Diary

After my teacher introduced us to this theory, she asked us, “is love a feeling? Or is it a choice?” We were all a bunch of teenagers. Naturally we said it was a feeling. She said that if we clung to that belief, we’d never have a lasting relationship of any sort.

She made us interview a dozen adults who were or had been married and we asked them about their marriages and why it lasted or why it failed. At the end, I asked every single person if love was an emotion or a choice.

Everybody said that it was a choice. It was a conscious commitment. It was something you choose to make work every day with a person who has chosen the same thing. They all said that at one point in their marriage, the “feeling of love” had vanished or faded and they weren’t happy. They said feelings are always changing and you cannot build something that will last on such a shaky foundation.

The married ones said that when things were bad, they chose to open the communication, chose to identify what broke and how to fix it, and chose to recreate something worth falling in love with.

The divorced ones said they chose to walk away.

Ever since that class, since that project, I never looked at relationships the same way. I understood why arranged marriages were successful. I discovered the difference in feelings and commitments. I’ve never gone for the person who makes my heart flutter or my head spin. I’ve chosen the people who were committed to choosing me, dedicated to finding something to adore even on the ugliest days.

Run out of things to teach your dog? Need a party trick? Or just want to challenge your shaping skills?

$5 at Walmart buys you a toddler ring stacking toy, soon to be filled with tooth marks (mine doesn’t have the top ring because it was full of very noisy beads and I was tired of hearing them as my dog threw it at me).

There are no prizes, because I’m poor because everyone is at different levels of skill, and I honestly want this to me more about bonding with your dog and learning than solely competitive. Your prize is now having a cool trick to show off.

Now this one can be a tough one, so don’t get discouraged if it takes a while. Give yourself a goal of about four weeks, for some it may take longer, or it may take a shorter amount of time. My dog is clumsy and uncoordinated and REALLY enthusastic, so it is taking a little while to work on being calm and not just throwing the rings at me/the stand.

Here is a break down of behaviours to shape:

-Touch the ring.

-Pick up the ring

-Bring the ring near the stand.

-Touch the stand with the ring

-Touch close to the top with the ring.

-Drop the ring into the stand.

Some tips:

-Either hold the stand yourself or nail the stand to a board. It wobbles, which will make your dog less successful. You can fade it out later if you really want to, but for now, make sure it stays still.

- I initially taught all rings at once, but it resulted in a lot of misses and was much more difficult for the dog. My suggestion is to teach one ring at a time. Start with the largest first. When your dog is consistently placing it, move to the next size up. Each size requires a slightly different way for the dog to place.

-The way I have been teaching this is by having my dog work for his dinner, with occasional treats thrown in for variety. Less motivated dogs may need something more interesting than kibble.

-Keep sessions short! If your dog is successful, throw a party and STOP THERE. End on a success. As your dog gets better, you can push, but in the beginning, don’t push your dog too hard. Don’t fall into the “Just one more” trap.

-I found using a clicker in the very beginning more helpful than my verbal marker. Once my dog understood that he had to put the ring through the stand, I switched to my verbal marker.

-Use your resources! Check out shaping on youtube. You may even find a tutorial on how to teach this if you’re more of a visual learner. If you’ve never done any shaping before, 101 Things to Do With a Box is a great introduction.