niltia

so much of being an ok person is just 1) not panicking, 2) not taking things personally, and 3) not letting the vindictive gargoyle that lives in your head tell you what to do. this sucks because brains love doing those things

mr beast has decoys

my boys and i took out 3 last year… wanted to figure out if they were clones or just different guys who underwent plastic surgery so we tried to get them dna tested but the sequences didn’t match any known living organism

Happy Smallpox Eradication Day

Man's about to turn you into the scene of a happy little accident.

Fellas, is it counter revolutionary to eat.

This is a reminder that any insane extreme position can be couched in progressive sounding language to try and persuade you of its validity, even positions that are totally contrary

Honestly this is one of the best formatted jokes of all time.

went to a new optometrist today wearing my squid facts ‘save our freaks’ shirt from @sarahmackattack that has a strawberry squid on it. and i wasn’t even thinking about it but the optometrist walked in and he was like ‘oh what does your shirt say’ so i showed him and he was like ‘oh that’s neat!’ and then i thought he might like to know about strawberry squid eyes since they have weird eyes and he is an optometrist and all. so i was like ‘yeah it’s actually a real kind of squid called a strawberry squid, their eyes are really cool because they have one big yellow-green one and one small blue one’ and he kind of gasped and went ‘oh my god that’s so interesting i wonder why they have that. do you know what their retina composition is like?’ and i watched as he minimized my chart on the computer and started looking up images of strawberry squid and then he googled ‘strawberry squid retina composition’ and he was like ‘sorry we’ll get to your eye exam in a moment i just really want to find out’ LMAO 10/10 optometrist experience will be returning

Hell yeah

it’s so magical and beautiful that there are sprawling interconnected cave systems carved deep into the earth by various geological forces and you don’t have to go in them. there are miles and miles of stone passageways in total darkness that require you to exhale all the air out of your lungs to squeeze through parts of them and you don’t have to be there. some of these squeezes are underwater and require cave divers to take off their oxygen tanks and push them through ahead of them and me i am above ground looking at the sky as we speak. there are untold subterranean wonders no human has ever seen and i will not be the one to discover them #grateful #blessed

hey why did you reblog that from someone else and not me? are we not acquaintances any more? i guess the bond between mutuals who dont talk to each other means nothing to you.

with ADHD it's hard to tell the difference between "being lazy" and "relaxing at any time in your life ever"

I think what made me the happiest about the Kendrick v Drake beef was that for a moment there, we were all listening to rap as rap is meant to be listened to. Active listening, media comprehension, focused, fun, and all to the sound of the spilled blood of a man's career being curb stomped. Generational experience. 10/10 would experience for the first time again.