B-Movie Queen

We finally decided to put him down after his food intake dropped every day for about a week. We’d talked with the vet about it and that was one of the things that we decided was a stopping point. He still had energy, he was still himself, he was STARVING all the time— but he couldn’t eat. He’d take a few bites and run away. I had him at max pain killers round the clock, and it just wasn’t enough. The vet agreed we were making the right call doing it a little early, rather than waiting for him to hit rock bottom.

He was stubborn right up to the end. The vet gave him a sedative before the procedure, and he was high as a kite and refused to chill out. His pupils were huge, he could barely stand up straight, and he wanted to jump off the table and explore. Always a curious & stubborn boy lol. When they administered the euthanasia he went quietly and very quickly. He was gone before she even finished injecting it. The tech, the vet, Ryan, and I all pet him and talked to him as he passed. The tech helped me with ink prints and did a clay print. They’ll call us when they’re ready. The vet tech said the other techs were sad when they found out Squeaks was at the end. He was such a charmer. They always loved him.

We brought him home, let Meep and Churro say goodbye, then I did some work. I brushed him out, shaved some fur for everyone (we all got some fur keepsake keychains coming in the mail), and clipped some whiskers. I apologized profusely to him for stealing his fur lol. Then I tucked him into the burial bag the vet gave us, curled him up into a sleeping pose, and stitched the bag shut. I also sewed a little heart into the bag. I sang and talked to him the whole time.

Then we brought him to my parents house and buried him. I’d originally wanted to cremate him, but the logistics and cost was going to be a nightmare for everyone because of the holiday weekend. I decided ultimately fur and ash are just as much him as anything else, as he’s gone and it isn’t him anyway. It’s just hard to let him go. I ordered a little statue for his grave and my mom is planting catnip and flowers around him.

The vet tech was talking with us after, and she said she lost a cat to the same cancer so she knew how hard it was. And she started to get emotional and apologized because it was her soul cat. And I said, he’s my soul cat too so I get it. So we all just cried lol.

I made tiny adjustments for Squeaks after that last post, and he’s been back to himself again. Eating a lot. Being a big bossy man. I thought we were going to put him down that weekend, and now he’s flipped back again. He has an appointment this week with the vet, where we’ll talk about plans and when to call it. But for now, he’s doing alright.

Well he’s been eating like a champ today, or at least trying. He drops quite a bit of it while he eats, but he gets about half of what I offer every meal. And he woke me up at 5:30 because he was hungry. So he’s definitely feeling like himself lol.

I’ve been trying to pick out an urn and looking at cremation jewelry while we cuddle. Which feels, uh, bad. But I’d like to have at least some things ready and picked out. All my other cats have been buried at my parents house but I can’t handle the idea of being separated from him, so yeah, I’m looking at jewelry that holds ashes. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯