I Like To Word

James was crying by the time Remus handed him the coat. Remus hadn’t known him for long, but it didn’t surprise him to see the tears swell up and then fall. James seemed like a man who didn’t care about what others thought of him, and he expressed himself so openly, almost like the emotions were spilling out of him, out of his control, and even if he did try and control it, it’d just hurt. For someone who felt so much, the pressure of keeping all of those emotions inside would be crushing. 

“Thank you. Thank you so much.”  Remus couldn’t meet James’ gaze, couldn’t handle the weight of the gratitude, but he could feel it nonetheless. Could feel it like a heavy blanket. 

“Of course.”

James hadn’t seemed this at peace up until this moment, and Remus hadn’t thought much of it. Everyone would feel confused and scared and weary, waking up in a strange place after a storm had raged so powerfully around you that your ship couldn’t stay afloat. It seemed like a natural response, and Remus had thought nothing of it. Sirius had been like that, and then some, almost violent in his distrust. It had helped settle him when he got confirmation that James had survived the storm as well. He had started to open up more, talking with Remus, carefully at first, and then excitedly, and Remus caught himself thinking about stars and poetic thoughts centered around those grey eyes, shining and sparkling more vividly than any star could ever do. Those thoughts were never going to leave his head, but Sirius would sometimes smirk, like he knew about them anyways, somehow. It was infuriating. Remus had given up trying to use the excuse of being one of the few in the town who spoke English well enough to be a translator. People just laughed and Remus barely even spoke to any of the other shipwreck survivors. Just Sirius. And James.

James was rummaging through the pockets of his coat, almost desperately, hope shinning in his eyes, never dying down, even as he didn’t seem to find what he was looking for. He kept looking. 

And then he found it.

A pocket-watch. James started crying again as he opened it, and Remus hadn’t meant to look, but he saw it anyhow.

Inside the watch, a photo was attached, somehow not ruined from the water. The picture showed a young woman, stunningly beautiful, a fierce gleam in her eyes. Besides her stood a man, a little bit taller than her, but not by much. While the woman seemed full of joy and life and humour, the man was colder, more drawnback, not showing much emotion on his face. Maybe that was why it took a while before Remus realised that the man looked slightly like Sirius. But Sirius had never looked so cold. Not like that. 

And yet there was something soft, almost fond over the man. He was holding a small child and the care with which the man held the child was impossible to overlook. The woman had her hand placed lovingly on the child’s head.

“That’s Harry.” James’ voice was so soft, so filled with love and pride and adoration as he looked at the picture. He pointed at the child. 

“He’s only a little over 3 years old, I... I didn’t want to leave, but Sirius was and it’s a war, and-”

“James. I understand.” Remus smiled, a hand on James’ shoulder, reassuring in a way words never could be. Not from Remus, anyways. And it seemed to comfort James.

“Yeah... Yeah... Anyways, that’s Lily, she’s... She’s, eh... She’s Harry’s mum...” It was obvious that James loved the woman, loved Lily, But his thoughts seemed painted on his face and they were divided and James so obviously tried to make a decision, and Remus almost pitied him. So he asked.

“Is she your wife?” He tried to communicate more with that question. Tried to ask something else, tried to tell James that he could tell as much as he wanted to, but that he didn’t have to hide anything. Remus knew better than to judge, and besides... He was one of the few people out there that understood English either way.

And James seemed to understand.

“... Legally, yes. And I do love her, I... Once, I LOVED her, that’s why... Harry... I mean... But we... I...” he gestured with his pinky towards the man holding Harry, and something in Remus softened immensely, wanted to reach out and hug James, wanted to let him know that it was okay. He sat down next to him.

“We were young. We wanted different things, I think, or... I don’t know. Lily and I, we didn’t work... But that’s Regulus.” 

James hadn’t needed to say anything else. Remus knew. Just from the tone of James’ voice, the way his entire body relaxed, how his eyes glazed over... It seemed like an instant relief, like James could breathe a little easier, as if Regulus’ name was all it took for James to feel at peace. To feel home. But he still continued, almost gleefully. 

“He was furious when Lily came and told me. He was scared, I think, but he had nothing to be scared about... But it took a while before we reached... Well, this. But it’s working out alright, I think. Harry has a mum, and...”

“And two dads?” Remus smiled as James looked up with hope and joy in his eyes, and Remus could do nothing but nod and smile some more. 

“-he’s a lucky kid.”