the fear of falling apart

I have my cane and I will maim you with it!

One good leg and a cane? Yeah right, dude. Fucking swinging that shit around? Oh my God.

I’m not old! I’m still young enough to get numbers from creeps. I’m still young enough to fight your scrawny ass.

Not with that raggedy ass knee you aren't! One hit to your weak spot and you'd be down!

I’m 25. Thanks.

Even worse. You're old as dirt.

A doctor is a doctor. A pediatrician helped me when I first fucked it up.

Well you're like, 23 now! Shit.

Oi, just be happy for a second. Wasn’t it fucking great?

What makes you think I'm not happy? I'm not buying this cheery shit one bit. It was just a doughnut.

Well… no… he’s a baby doctor as he said. But I don’t doubt he’d help me. He seems really nice.

...You're gonna rely on a pediatrician to help your knee? What the fuck?

Apparently my roommate who you’re not so fond of is going out with him, seeing a show or something.

And? It's not like we're dating. Plus, I still hit it first.

Well… I think I met a doctor who’d help me out if I got hurt. So I could do it.

Really? Like a physical therapist or a surgeon or something?

Maple bacon. Stop making that face. 

What face? I'm not making a face.

Ah-

What the fuck is that face?

I could totally get in a tree right now.

Yeah fucking right! Not with that knee of yours. I'd bet money on it.

I think it is a guy thing. I’ve celebrated every year of my life—but this year I’m struggling.

Maybe this could be the year you don't celebrate anything. The world isn't gonna end. 

Indeed they are. Americans go there expecting fun and games, but they just end up with frostbite.

What is there to actually do in Russia? No offense, but its not exactly Italy or France.