We Must Appeal To Heaven

I never post, hell I haven't even fully browsed in a few years, but I don't have anyone in my life I can say what I need to say. I've been struggling with not attending Mass, just being outright lazy. I'm not working, and I haven't been in school since May of last year, and I've only attended mass for Christmas and my great uncles funeral in August, since last Easter season anyway. Well on Palm Sunday I attended Mass and went to confession after. I was the only one in line, and my confession turned into a conversation with my priest, which ended up with lunch that lasted from 1300 to 1500. I had a very good conversation with him and I'd like to consider him a friend now. Well I think he's the 6th man that's undergone Holy Orders that has suggested such to me. I don't think I'm worthy of such, but I think he thinks so. On top of that my father was telling me how he doesn't think either me, my sister, or brother will marry and have kids. And if that's the case, why not pursue Holy Orders? I am not seeing anyone, and I have not tried to, which may be a symptom of society, or a symptom of who I am, who knows. But the additional thing is, since I am attending Mass once again after 4 months, I have become extremely emotional, especially given the season pertaining to Christ's Passion. After departing Mass yesterday (Good Friday) I hadn't been able to control my emotional state until I arrived home. Tears and everything. But I can't talk to my dad about it, because it's emasculating. He went to Catholic school until high school, but has fallen away. I can't talk to my friends, even one that I could normally talk about religious matters because I think she'd think less of me. Which may be a me issue since she almost too the orders to become a sister herself, but instead chose law enforcement. And I don't think I could talk to my grandfather about tears from Mass, even though there was a time when I was younger he was even the head of the Knights of Columbus. Perhaps this is all in my head, but I feel as though having been moved to tears over the sacrifice of Christ, I cannot speak to anyone in my life about it. Even bringing up the idea of Holy Orders to my father, I couldn't continue the conversation, I don't think he understands the idea of me doing it. I haven't discerned following through with it, but as for my path, Father Nowicki did tell me about a man being ordained this summer who had been a Chicago PD officer for 20 years before deciding on the Orders.