Nichole

e.g. if someone says they love you, says they respect you, etc etc but they routinely treat you in unloving ways and with disrespect – you can decide whether you think they WANT to treat you lovingly & respectfully, but you cannot let their words excuse how they are actually choosing to act. what they believe about how they treat you is less important than the material reality of how they DO treat you.

on a larger scale, oppression is carried out via concrete actions by groups and individuals. regardless of how people think or feel or excuse or minimize their actions, some actions add to the systems constituting oppression and some chip away at it. identify these actions and the material change (or lack thereof) they effect, alone or in aggregate. don’t assume that a stated intent means they will actually effect change in accordance with that intent.

and if someone’s actions seem at odds with the person they seem to think they are, or want to be – bring this to their attention. and see what they choose to do about it.