Bread

“Whats your safe word?”

That part had me weak 😂😭😂😭😂😭 

“You think I’m in pilates?”😭

“watch ya fingers bootyhole man!!” Lmfaooaoaoaoooo

Lol i need to be his friend

listen……. ‘my love’ is literally the strongest and greatest pet name in existence. there is literally nothin better than somone callin you that….. especially when things are soft and quiet and they look at you with utter adoration and whisper “what’s the matter, my love??” or “i hope everything is okay with you, my love” like oh my god?? let me marry you already

parents: the real world is gonna bite you in the ass!!!!11!11 me: damn the real world a freak

why is Apple adding a clown emoji? the boy emoji already exists? add more heart variations so I can express my love in more ways

I understand you’re dealing with some clearly unresolved emotional issues right now but it costs 0 dollars to not be unduly mean to boys

I don’t have those types of funds atm

this is never going to not be funny 

Rob Lowe says “that is fucking hilarious” with the straightest face ever

jesus christ

*WHEEZING*

I AM DONE WITH TUMBLR.  FUCKING DONE.  BUY A HOUSE IN ALBERTA AND STAY IN IT FOREVER AND NEVER EVER COME OUT.