NeverAskNeverTell

So first of all, hello everyone. I know it has been a little while since I posted.... I apologise that my first post after all this time is a rant, alas here we are. So, I suffer from bouts of depression, my depression coming from the imagined fallacy that I have no friends; I used to struggle with this a great deal, however a great friend helped me work through this and I rarely struggle now. This has led to a realisation recently.... It isn’t me... The issue is with them. I primarily use 2 messaging services, Kik and Whatsapp, both of these services have a feature that shows when a message has been sent, received and finally read. I try to not bother people too much, so I will drop them a message stating I hope all is well or some such thing, however I will sometimes message seeking out a conversation or a friend so I don’t feel alone...... I am getting pissed off with sending messages to so-called “friends”, and them reading it... and not fucking replying. It isn’t like they haven’t received it... no... They have actually read it and are still fucking ignoring me. HOW IS THAT BEING A FRIEND? Listen, I get people can be busy sometimes.....However, I am also busy. Everyday I work out, clean the house, look after my cat, spend time with my girlfriend, talk to my family, run errands, go to work, continue work when I get home, play videogames, play guitar and relax..... YET I STILL FIND TIME TO CHAT TO PEOPLE!!!! TO REPLY TO MESSAGES AND TO BE THERE FOR PEOPLE! Fuck, even a “Hey, sorry, I am busy I’ll message later” would be ok.... But to ignore me completely is just plain fucking rude. It isn’t difficult to message people back, that is the beauty of IM services, it isn’t like I am asking for a 3 hour phone conversation!!! I need a better calibre of friends... Any takers? <3

I received a compliment from a friend when they saw this picture..... It made me so happy..... So I thought I would share the picture.

So I finally got a hoop to put back through my lip... YAY!!! This has been the highlight of my week. That and my best friend buying me a copy of Sunset Overdrive <3..... His way of saying "Thanks for putting all the effort into our friendship"... Those are his words and they perfectly sum up how my friendships feel to me. I have several people that I would like to consider friends, the issue is that they only speak to me if I send a message first, and even then a response isn't always guarenteed. I am getting fed up of being lonely, a feeling brought about because no-one can be bothered to even try!!!!! I have a fulltime job, my hobbies, my social life and my sleep.... I still find time to reply to a KiK or whatsapp.... It really isn't hard! This started off with me feeling sad... I am now angry Hahaha. All this shit aside.... I am laid alone in the bed in the spare bedroom because my girlfriend cannot share a double bed equally -_- Someone message me?

Today has been an odd day. Work almost destroyed me in so many ways, and yet I had fun. I re-pierced my lip (I had missed it for so long) and am contemplating getting my nipple pierced again. I feel so sad though... Oddly lonely. Having one of those weeks where I feel like no-one notices, or cares, that I exist. I wish I had some closer (emotionally) friends.

I am home alone, bored and in a giggly mood.... Send me pictures! Smiles get points :D

So over the last 2 weeks I have made 2 new friends, fine.... One is a bit stalkerish and the other is mentally unstable... But I like them nonetheless ^^

So, I feel really lonely. It is awesome to have a day off from work now I am the Assistant Manager, but It leaves me alone... With my thoughts and my memories :(

As I have discussed before I used to be super skinny, not slim, actual ribs showing skinny... Alot of the time I miss that, I am bigger than I would like and I don't feel attractive, but today gave me a small portion of appreciation for my new form... I went into town to run a few errands, went into store to get a drink. There was a man who was being audibly and physically aggressive towards a member of staff.... Knowing what this feels like (Working in retail myself) I went over to intervene. The guy was facing away from me, swearing and yelling. I calmly but firmly said "Excuse me, maybe it would be best if you left the store as you are being quite unnecessarily rude" The guy, without turning around yelled "Oh yeah, gonna make me are you?" at which point he turned around and saw me, realising I stand at 6ft tall and am fairly bulky.... He mumbled a quick apology and left.... It felt awesome to be able to help, even ore so because It was my size that helped. <3 Felt so good