Netflix's Bitch

I’ll still laughing at this the next morning.

*gets down on one knee in front of gal pal* *takes out ring* Will you hang out with me?

There was one time I was out shoe shopping with my partner and I was debating buying these cute pastel green shoes. The saleswoman was like “well why don’t we ask your friend here?” I said “oh actually this is my partner.” The woman stared at us blank faced for a few awkward seconds before forcibly smiling and saying, “partner in crime?”

JAW….DROP…. 

In a store once with a girl I used to date, browsing through all these different mattresses. One of the sales ladies came over and talked about all the beds with us for quite some time while we told her what we were looking for. It was painfully obvious we were a couple, like literally holding hands and calling each cute pet names out loud. Finally the sales lady laughs nervously and says “sooo.. wow, what kind of roommate setup is that that forces you two to have to share a bed!?” I just sort of stared at her for second at a complete loss and said “… the dating kind…”

#this is ridiculous  #sometimes i think two women would have to fuck each other in public  #and some people would stil be like ‘wow what a great friendship’

inside your body is PITCH BLACK your cells do all of that in the DARK

reblog if every crevice of your being is illuminated by the fire of the holy ghost amen

The above URL proves its name well

I want someone to kiss my neck & tell me how much they want me

me, sipping coffee from a “world’s okayest mom” mug: ignore grandma, she’s old and bitter and can’t keep her nose out of other people’s drama when she’s drunk. want to look at this cool art i found

Someone just used the phrase “balls deep in a panic attack” aka my new catch phrase

me, sipping coffee from a “world’s okayest mom” mug: ignore grandma, she’s old and bitter and can’t keep her nose out of other people’s drama when she’s drunk. want to look at this cool art i found

i ate chef boyardee and began to cry bro that shit was so bad… i had noodles i could have eaten those

“no one understands me like the bees do” “son, come home” “i AM home”

The cable people are here and I keep offering them waffles and they look concerned and I should not be an adult

“Mam you do not need to feed us” IM SORRY ITS ALL I KNOW

My parents didn’t ever actually teach how to adult. The only things I learned were to hoard plastic bags within plastic bags and that whenever there is a person in your house you feed them

im actually double majoring in respecting women and minecraft

dollar stores aren’t quite liminal spaces but there’s something a little otherworldly about them and I can’t pin down what it is

I think it might be the reassurance you feel knowing you can buy anything you see. I don’t feel that way in any other type of store

Oh my god yes this is it