(•••)

The feeling of having strong romantic feelings toward someone, only to find out that they do not feel the same way about us. love that is not returned or rewarded. It is a one sided experience that can leave us feeling pain, grief, and shame.

 Minsan ko na tong naranasan at hindi sya madali. Nakakalito kasi madami ang bubulong sa’yo. “Tama na yan” , “Nagpapakatanga ka na” , “Pagkamartir na yan” , “Pwede mo nang tabihan si Hesus sa bait mo”. Oo, madami akong narinig na kagaya nito noong mga oras na nananatili akong matatag kahit dapat matagal na akong sumuko. Pero lahat pala may hangganan, lahat pala may katapusan.

 Dadating ka din sa punto na, “Bakit pa ba ako lumalaban?” “Ano bang pinag lalaban ko?” at “Sinong kasama ko sa laban na to”. Umabot ako sa punto na iniisip ko bakit ako lumalaban, naging masyado akong matapang na lumaban sa laban na ako nalang pala ang mag-isang lumalaban at ang masaklap, ipinaglalaban ang maling tao. 

Hanggang ngayon, bilib pa din ako sa kanila kasi ang lakas nila. Siguro ay may nahanap silang isang rason para lumaban, sa kabila ng lahat ng rason para sumuko. Saludo ako sa’yo. :) Keep it up. Tandaan din, Hindi masamang sumuko kapag hindi na talaga. Dahil minsan ang pagsuko ay hindi tanda ng pagkatalo, ito ay sumisimbulo na ikaw, higit sa lahat, ay matapang para harapin ang katotohanang wala na talaga at hindi na maaari pang mag patuloy ang relasyon nyo. Matapang kang humarap sa katotohanan na parehas nyo nalang sasaktan ang isa’-isa. 

Kaya ‘tsong! Wag puro puso sa lahat ng oras ha! :) Gamitin ang utak. Mag - isip kung tama paba ang nagiging rason ng pag kapit. Hindi sapat na “Mahal kita kaya handa akong kumapit pa”. Dahil ang pagmamahal, may kalakip na Tiwala, Respeto at Pagpapahalaga.Tandaan din ang 3H, Happy Healthy, at Holy :) 

If you wanna be my friend, kindly reblog this post! 🤗💞

My body was on fire, and no one could tell me what was wrong. I went to the doctor and she told me I was perfectly healthy - I begged her for a full body MRI which I got (not without a pretty out of pocket penny). I had an MRI of the brain, upper back, lower back and both hips. The only common denominator was inflammation everywhere. I was convinced that I had MS, but no doctor would give me a diagnosis. I had succumbed to using a massager every single day and was taking hot baths every night after work. I was using pain patches regularly, and had migraines that would have me leave work unexpectedly and have me writhing in pain in bed for days. I was convinced that I had an auto-immune disorder and from my research, it seemed that it took doctors years to diagnose. I knew something was wrong and I felt incredibly alone. I stopped searching for answers when I saw my medical bills climb up and learned to live with the pain that I was experiencing, I was now 33 years old, and I guessed that this was just what life  was like with getting older. I was absolutely miserable. No one looked deeper into the inflammation for me, but I knew that there were answers in the inflammation that I hadn’t found, I was just too exhausted to look. After all, I wasn’t a doctor. 

About a year and a half after living with this daily pain I had my first full blown manic episode. I am bi-polar I. These symptoms I was experiencing were all indications that I needed to start medication, and the doctor was not able to put 2 and 2 together because I was going to my general practitioner with physical symptoms at this point. Sure, I had previously gone to the doctor with anxiety and trouble focusing, but they were not looking at the full picture of my medical records and neither was I. I had no clue that a mental illness could bring about physical symptoms. Well, now I do. My physical symptoms have now mostly vanished now that I am on medication, and it seems to me like a medical miracle after all that I’ve been through. I just wish that I had someone stop and tell me - hey, after looking at all the symptoms you’ve had over the years have you ever thought about seeing a psychiatrist? I’m not saying that I would’ve been completely open to it - no one likes to be called crazy, but at that point with as much pain as I was in, I would like to think I would’ve been open to anything. 

I wanted to post this in the hopes that if anyone out there in the world is in pain this may help them in some small way. Physical pain can sometimes be related to mental health so make sure to check on both if you are experiencing physical symptoms that have no rhyme or reason - it could all be a part of something much bigger. I am now healing and have a lot of medical bills and my pride to fix after a manic episode, so if I could prevent that for someone else it would all be worth it. 

- you will make it through this

- your struggles are very real

- your pain is real

- you’re worth the trouble of getting help

- you’re worth the effort

- you’re not a burden

- you deserve to be here

- anxiety lies to you

- depression lies to you

- anger lies to you

- loneliness lies to you

- disorders lie to you

- insecurities lie to you

- you are not a failure

- you are not a bad person

- you are not meant to be alone

- you are not ugly

- you’re not useless 

- you are not worthless

- you are loved

- you are good enough

- you are valuable

- you are beautiful

- you are lovable

- nothing can replace you

- no one can replace you

- you make people happy

- you make people smile

- you give great hugs

- you changed people for the better

- you brighten someone’s day

- dogs love you too

- you are cute

- you are intelligent

- you are appreciated

- you deserve so many warm hugs

- you deserve affection

- you deserve to be a priority

- you deserve new beginnings

- you deserve to stop hurting yourself

- you deserve to forgive yourself

- you deserve things that are too good to be true

- you deserve lasting happiness

- you deserve a life worth living

- you will meet new people

- you will go to new places

- you will find your way again

- you will find a new home

- you will find belonging

- you will find meaning 

- you will find new things to obsess over

- you will find new passions

- you will fall in love again

- you will learn from mistakes

- you will have realizations

- you will grow

- your best is yet to come

- your problems will lose 

- you will love yourself

- you will accept things you can’t change 

- you will care about yourself again

- you will be happy 

- you will achieve great things

- every part of you will heal

- love will come back

- happiness will come back

- peace will come back

- excitement will come back

- good things and blue skies will come back

- you will get another chance

- your future is bright

- you will reach your goals

- you will pass that test

- you will overcome your fears

- you will get better

- you will heal completely

- you will be stronger

- you will find a way

- this will pass

- things will get easier

- keep trying

- you’re growing from this