Very Random Akatsuki Headcanons
Sasori would 100% have a garden, and most of the stuff he grows would be illegal or highly toxic. He would ask Zetsu for tips a lot and force Deidara to help him weed it even though Deidara will LOUDLY complain about it the whole time. Sasori will gently sing to/ talk to his plants when he thinks no one is looking.
Kisame the type to nag others about how important it is to drink water and stay hydrated but. He has never fully finished one single bottle of water. Any place they are, you can immediately tell that Kisame’s been there because every surface area will have plastic water bottles sitting on it with various levels of water in them.
Hidan has many, many bad teeth, mostly in the back of his mouth. Missing, chipped, cavities or straight rotting. Always in some level of pain but never seeks out help because you know, Lord Jashin encourages personal suffering. Was finally tentacle-held to a chair by Kakuzu and forced to let Sasori do what repair work he could after the others got tired of hearing him curse and grumble all night over his mouth pain. Absolutely loves his new smile afterwards but never admits it.
Every single member of the Akatsuki has at some point had a crush on Konan. Including Zetsu. But it went away once each member started seeing her as a sister or mother figure. The only one it didn’t go away for is Nagato, but he’d never admit his true feelings because he values their friendship and working relationship too much.
Itachi likes to collect rocks. He’s an amateur geologist and enjoys finding different types of stones when he’s out on missions. The others learn this about him and will sometimes take the time after missions or when traveling to pick up “pretty” rocks to bring back to him.
Deidara has a lot of anxiety and restlessness, and keeping himself busy alleviates that. He prefers doing things with his hands which is why he’s always making little sculptures with his clay. If no clay is available he’ll tap or drum his fingers on things or fiddle with his hair. The faster his fingers move it means the more anxious he feels. Sasori would get annoyed by this behavior so he created for Dei what would essentially be a ninja world version of a fidget-spinner. Deidara loved it and he makes sure to pack it with him whenever he leaves on missions.
Nagato’s fingers are often bloody because he’s a nail-biter to the extreme. He’ll chomp those things down right to the quick of the finger. The others will “gift” him gloves to try and prevent this from happening, and it’ll work for while, but sooner or later he’s right back at it again.
Deidara once gained ten pounds in two months because Tobi kept convincing him to stop at sweets cafes while they were out traveling, and then to have seconds and thirds of whatever they were eating.
Kakuzu figured out that Hidan didn’t know how to read when Hidan would avoid looking at the map on missions and kept giving Kakuzu wrong information about sign posts along roads. After a lot of convincing that he wasn’t “making fun of him”, Kakuzu finally got Hidan to let him teach him basic reading and math skills over the course of a year.
When Orochimaru was a part of the Akatsuki, one day he managed to get Konan alone and was hitting on her in a very creepy Jiraiya-esque way. Turns out that he was merely trying to get her to trust him so that, when he ultimately left the Akatsuki, he would be able to convince her to follow so he could study her body and paper-jutsu. Having had no close experiences with women other than Tsunade, who always responded favorably to flirtatious behavior, he’d assumed that this was how ALL women would react. If Itachi hadn’t driven Oro away, Konan would have blindsided and killed him first.
Nagato (in a Pein body) gave the sex talk to Deidara, Hidan and Itachi. All three of them hadn’t the slightest clue about how anything worked in that regard. Sasori gave him diagrams out of his medical books to aid in his talk. Nagato kept having to add on to his talk because of the questions. “What if you’re a guy who likes guys? How does that work?” “What if you don’t like anyone like that, or you don’t want to ever do those kind of things; is that okay?”
Nagato dehydrates within two minutes. As does Kisame.
Deidara sprouts freckles.
Sasori smells like a fire.
Obito and his Hashirama cell DNA photosynthesize like a damn tree.
Kakuzu also turns into a freckle-factory but because his skin is already so dark, it’s unnoticeable.
Sasori has fairly moderate misophonia and especially can’t stand the sound of people chewing. It was one of his primary reasons for turning his body into a puppet; so he no longer had to endure the sound of himself eating. He thought he’d died and gone to hell when he found out that Deidara chews food with all three mouths.
Deidara likes Tobi to read to him at night. It gives him a very comfortable sleepy feeling. The more Deidara nods off the more Tobi lets his voice become more natural/Obito. This is pleasant to Obito because doing the “Tobi voice” all day puts a huge strain on his throat, so it’s nice to be able to break character once in a while and speak normally.
Hidan is extremely sensitive to the cold and will do anything to avoid having to travel or do missions in the winter.
Konan has kept a diary of her life ever since she was a child. She picked up the habit of writing during the period when Jiraiya was staying with/watching over her, Nagato and Yahiko.
Deidara developed a hell of a crush on Kakashi after “meeting” and getting his arms blown off by him and the Konoha nin. He’d gush about Kakashi for days afterward … to Tobi. Tobi who had to grit his teeth and not start screaming over how Kakashi unintentionally attracted everyone that Obito was ever interested in.
Best Smelling to Worst Smelling:
Itachi (would be higher but often smells like strong, bitter medicine and night-sweats)
Nagato (his actual body, not a Pein body)
Hidan and Sasori tie for worst because both smell like blood and corpses
Obito never killed his grandmother during the Uchiha massacre. He used a very powerful jutsu to erase her memory and then relocate her to a place in a village far away that took care of the elderly. He pays the facility with the money he earns/steals during missions, and every so often he’ll go and visit her at night, when she’s alone in her room. She doesn’t know who he is and just thinks that he’s a nice young man that’s there because he’s visiting somebody else.
Kisame loves to bake. It started because he was worried over Itachi being so thin and never seeming to want to eat anything other than desserts. So Kisame taught himself how to make cakes and pies and cookies, etc. Over time it became a zen-like activity to him that helps him relax and clear his head when he’s stressed out.
Kakuzu is as vain over his hair as Deidara is over his own. At least once a week they’ll get together and give each other trims and deep conditioning treatments. Sometimes Itachi will join if he feels up to it. Hidan mocks them for this but is secretly trying to grow his hair longer so that he can join them.
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