that teen sharra thing made me have emotions hlw dare you (i love it so much)
Shakes was the golden boy: innovative, intelligent, religious. A prosperous prodigy. He was what every parent wanted in their own child.
But he wasn't exactly religious, per se.
From fourteen to sixteen, he'd left the church altogether. Not because of some rebellious phase, but because of Sam.
He'd only go to church whenever something was wrong, to seek comfort in a father that he couldn't see, just like the one that had left him — but Samson brought all the comfort he needed. He could speak Zulu freely with him, even though it wasn't Sam's first language (Shakes' family moved into a city that mostly spoke Afrikaans, and he only knew a few phrases, so he'd usually speak english since it was a language he knew and most could understand). They'd talk about life and smoke together, sometimes crack a joke or two when Sam would mix up certain words that completely changed what he was trying to say.
Sam was the strongest anchor grounding him to the burdensome life he was born into, he gave Shakes something to look forward to in the morning, even when he'd be sleep deprived from the all-nighters he pulled to study.
He never considered going back to the house of God, even when his prom date tried to convince him. "Your connection with God should be your top priority!" She said, but he just smiled and nodded.
He loved Angie, he really did, she had been his crush for years, but he just didn't want to head back.
The only thing that convinced him to go back was when Samson turned the corner that night, leaving him there drenched in rainwater.
Not because he felt like something was wrong in his life, but because he felt like something was wrong with himself.
A fear built up in his throat. He should've felt something about that kiss, disgust, hate, repulsion... But he liked it, and that disgusted him more than anything he'd ever seen and felt in his life. It wasn't natural. It didn't fit the cutout that his family made for him.
That growing self-hatred followed him even after he joined the Super League; its wings casting a dark shadow over him once he noticed Skarra on the opposing side of the field, because it could sense his desire.
It isn't to say that Samson didn't share that fear, that was the exact reason why he ran from him that night in the first place. Shakes looked mortified after he pulled back, and he knew that meant his cover was blown.
He blocked him, cut contact after his family moved. He had to leave the past behind, even if Shakes took a part of his heart with it. His affection began to get covered in a curtain of disdain, seeping through to the surface, confusing him on what feelings were real and what were a cover-up for how he really felt.
He hated his true self more than anything in this world, and if he ever came to light, his days of fame would be over. His team was aggressive and ruthless, love wasn't worth risking his safety and dignity.
And while Shakes came to terms with himself after his team's support, his confusion still gnawed at him.
And he knew for certain that he wouldn't let him run away this time.
Happy pride month, everyone!