* WARNING: this post and the video seen below has some strong language and controversial topics such as race and religion * Okay friend, so here’s how this started… the woman shown in the video comes to my store quite often. She complains about something every single time. Today she received a free drink in drive thru because her order was wrong last week. She also ordered her banana nut bread still packaged as usual and a tall (small for you non-Starbucks folk) hot chocolate (made with 3 pumps mocha, 1 pump vanilla, steamed milk, whip cream, and mocha drizzle). After receiving her order, she leaves drive thru but comes back to park in front of the store a couple minutes later. Her daughter walks in to complain that her drink tastes watery. Nadia explains that there is no water but the daughter insists that there is water in her drink. So we offer to either remake the drink or add more mocha. She asks for more mocha and Nadia tells her to take the lid off. After returning to her car, the mom (the woman screaming in the video) storms inside and demands to speak to the woman who talked to her daughter. Before Nadia can even say a word, the woman starts yelling at the top of her lungs saying “how dare you be so rude to my daughter. She did nothing to deserve your attitude.” And other phrases of the sort. Then she claims that Nadia purposefully made her drink wrong. Then she goes on a rant about how she gets the wrong order almost every time she comes in. From there she pulls the black card: “oh I bet no white customer gets the wrong drink. It’s because I’m a black woman isn’t it?” Let me point out that my coworker/supervisor Nadia is middle eastern. She is Muslim. She of all people wouldn’t be racist toward this woman. No one made any comment about race to provoke this response. She starts pacing around screaming about racism claiming her purpose was only “to live, be black, and to die”. When Nadia reaches out her hand and says “what can I do to console you?” The woman misunderstands and starts screaming *this is when the video started recording* about how Nadia needed to control (when Nadia meant console) herself. As the woman walks out, she calls us bitches and tells us to kiss her ass. Again, claiming that no white person would receive the wrong drink. Now, if you have made it this far in my rant, I would just like to point out that the majority of my coworkers are not white. In fact, at this point, I was the only white barista there. I don’t care if you are black, white, Hispanic, Asian, or other. I judge you based on your attitude. You come in yelling like that, irregardless of color, I will politely tell you to chose another store and leave. Never in my 20 years of existence have I seen such outrageous behavior. Especially by a grown woman. It was just crazy. I hope she eventually realizes that everything doesn’t have to do with race. I personally will never serve her at my store or elsewhere (I do work at other locations occasionally) ever again. https://youtu.be/MFJe9Uslaxo <<< link to the video

I don’t want death. I don’t want to die. To die would mean to give up everything great that I have. I can’t name anything great right now, but they exist. They bring a small smile or a twinkle to my eye just for a second. That second is what I’m still here for. I travel through this darkness in search of that sliver of light. Ever so evasive. Just out of reach, I leap. I fly. I fall. On the ground, I cry, and I bleed. I get up again in search of the light. I don’t want to die, but this darkness is too much to handle. I wish there was a pause button on life. A hold on existence. Just a momentary lapse in time to collect yourself before drudging on through the depths of this world. This world that brings us to our knees, not in prayer but in tears. I pray for an end. An end to the pain. To the suffering. To the darkness that consumes me. I pray for more than a sliver of light. I pray for the opportunity to bask in the sunlight and dance in its warmth. These bright moments of hope have become few. So few I don’t recall what they look like any more. I just recall the sliver. Almost like a small cut in a black cloth. The light peeks through, but I know there is more light on the other side. If I could live in the glory of the sun, I imagine the Angels singing. The voices of the ones I love. The approving faces of the ones i have longed to please but have lacked the ability to. There it is. That sliver. I could see it. Imagining those things I crave. I might have even smiles. Who knows? The sliver is gone now. Like i said, it is a second. Not a few minutes. It only takes a second for the sliver to show me what is just beyond my reach. I ought to be going to sleep. What good that’ll do. Sleep is like a falsified death. You aren’t dead, but you aren’t alive either. You’re just there. I shall go and dream of wonderful things in the light then awake again to the darkest pits of hell of which i inhabit. Sleep well.