my traumatized ass: do I have a crush or am I just idolizing this person for being vaguely nice to me

The Rock: “I took a red-eye home, woke up this morning, slept three hours, worked out, worked all day, gotta go to work tonight…Brutus, let’s go.” (camera pans to tiny puppy on a leash, crawling) (pan back to The Rock) “welcome to my world (laughs)”

No one tagged me in this and I’m offended.

i freaking love penn jillette. 

I need to get laid but my heart also needs to get laid ya know

I love when I’m studying outside and a bee is like “flower? r u a flower? I check! is laptop a flower? i check! No one here a flower… ciao!” and I wave goodbye saying thank you for visiting little bee!

i hate it when u stop being friends w someone or u break up w someone cos uve got all this information about them like at the back of ur mind like their birthday or their favorite game or whatever, and even years later things will come up and you’ll think about that person and its like. oh. and it never really Stops

Is this real? Holy shit. 

i’m all for ghosts who are nervous about their first haunting but i’m also all for ghosts on their millionth haunting who are just showing up for the paycheck at this point

“you’re on big house in the woods duty again charlie” “ugh. let me guess. suburban white family. the dad’s all “this move is good for us”.“ “yep” “listen i’m just gonna slam all the doors really fucking loudly and shout boo”

i’m intrigued by this post. by saying the ghosts r “just showing up for the paycheck” are u implying that ghosts are paid for hauntings? do ghosts have to work for a living? are u implying the existence of ghost capitalism? because honestly if i get to the afterlife and there’s ghost capitalism i’m gonna be so fuckin mad

i often confuse my gaydar with my overpowering pleasebegaydar

gay IBS culture is not being a bottom

concept: a heterosexual man and a heterosexual woman. they are friends. neither is secretly in love with the other. They spend time together, just the two of them, and don’t feel the need to hook up. Their spouses don’t worry about them.

gasps heard from every tv station

If you’re LGBT reblog this and tag with your orientation/identity and how you like your eggs