Dream Again

Your presence in the Atelier became so familiar Qifrey almost missed the sound of your steps in the kitchen. After all it was your absence that was usually bothering him, not your company, which he always welcomed.

"Always busy, my love," he heard you saying then felt your hands slowly embrace his waist, their pressure tender almost shy. Your touch was always light but enough to convey your love.He felt pleasant tightness in his chest from all the fuzzy feelings that touch ignited.

"Trouble sleeping, my dear?" he asked, smiling happily. You groaned something unintelligible nuzzling in his back.

How cute, chores could wait

Qifrey took one glance at the little pyre he just prepared for cooking. Making sure that nothing will burn he closed his eyes. He often spends his nights doing the chores, dedicated to the task of making this Atelier a true home, not sparing even a minute to his own enjoyment and rest. Tonight with you here he wanted nothing more than to bask in the warmth of the small hearth as well as loving embrace if only for a minute.

He took your hand in his before bringing it to his lips placing a slow kiss on the back of it and then to each fingertip, stained with ink as always.

When you broke the embrace he eagerly took the opportunity to turn towards you, his beloved, hoping for a kiss.

You almost felt sorry for what you were about to do. Almost.

Just as your lips were about to meet the tender silence was broken

"I know your secret," it was so faint that, for a moment, Qifrey thought his paranoid mind imagined you saying that. As if sensing his confusion, you repeated the words. Louder and more solemn.

It wasn't his imagination, no.

The icy hands of fear gripped his heart chasing away the spring that had been blooming there just a moment before.

"What?"

"You heard me. I know your secret, Qifrey the Witch."

He was so stunned that the exact moment you started to slowly back away from him went unnoticed. What he saw before him was the wounding spring about to snap free and set the whole mechanism of his destruction into motion.

He searched your eyes for signs that it was some cruel joke but saw only the dancing flame of the pyre reflected in them.

You hid your true emotions well. The mask was masterful. Figures. After all it was your shield that helped you fair through any intrigue of the Great Hall as well as noble courts you had to deal with from time to time.

He didn't know what to think at the moment. There was nothing that indicated that his panic was uncalled for. And nothing that made his fear justified.

Then you smirked.

As if a dam had been breached, thoughts flooded his mind crashing against each other in a chaotic splash.

Impossible! He expected you to see through the cracks in his facade - he knew you were perceptive - but this... this was something else entirely.

Do you know what he has done to Olruggio? Is that why you were backing away from him earlier?

"I do wonder if Olly knows it too".

Oh no

Now his thoughts went silent just like a flock of birds sensing approaching danger.

"No, please," he wanted to say but no sound came from his open mouth. Only now he noticed that he stopped breathing altogether. He gripped the counter behind him and inhaled sharply. Sudden oxygen felt scalding in his lungs.

For just a moment he imagined himself breathing in the very silence of this room. Sensed it mixing with his blood and coursing through his body with every beat of his heart. It was physical agony - maybe Silverwood itself was fleeing this deadly poison of fear.

Why are you telling him that? Is this some sick power play? And what are you going to do now - report him to the Great Hall? You know it would end in catastrophe. The Knights Moralis would certainly deem him unfit to run an Atelier. Who in their right mind would allow a failed experiment of a Brimmed Hats roam free among other witches, let alone teach children?

As if hearing his thoughts, you said:

"I know you adore them. But it's a bit too much, isn't it?"

A deafening screech rang in his ears, not unlike the symphony of pain any green sprouts release upon touching the fire. He must be going insane since he seems to be the only one hearing it.

Whatever it is, he must ignore it for now and act fast before you tell someone what you know.

For some unknown reason, you leaned in, and it felt like a taunt reminding him that he is powerless against you without his spell. There's a chance - a very small one - that he can erase your memories tonight. Although, it would be pointless unless he learns how you made your discovery. What if... what if you knew from the very beginning? That would mean the worst. It would mean that you’re with the Brimmed Hats!

His fear and confusion finally transformed into resolve.

"How?" it sounded so cold that now, it seems, it was your turn to fear for your life.

The room seemed to drop in temperature. Before you started this game the kitchen had been the embodiment of "home" and your partner had been its heart. Now he was a black hole devouring the comforting warmth, the light and lulling ambience of hearth.

Last chance to stop your game before it destroys you both.

You opened your mouth but stayed silent for some reason. Maybe for dramatic effect but maybe to enjoy the last seconds of your revenge. You’ve been telling yourself that you shouldn't be hurt by his secrecy, after all he is trying to keep himself alive and his loved ones safe. And yet, before everything started to make sense to you, your nightly visions were poison making you sick every waking moment. Even conjuring ink started to smell coppery, making you nauseous.

Qifrey took one step towards you pulling you from your reverie. You noticed in time that he was about to raise his hand. You should reach him first, so you quickly caught him in a tight embrace.

"It was an accident, truly," now your voice carried the playful lilt you usually used when teasing him or Olruggio. It was so out of place that the master witch's confusion reappeared again giving you a few more seconds to save yourself. "I was dissecting the artifact in the tower as you suggested but ended up destroying your faux-walls."

Yes, he remembered showing you the room he used to destroy the twin-bottle spell. Ever the gentleman he even drew you the spell to close the walls as he did. But what you just said didn't make any sense to him. He didn't mention his own failed attempt at dissecting the spell. There"s nothing in the tower-well that could lead to discovering his condition or to memory loss Olruggio had to suffer repeatedly. There’s nothing at all in this house that could lend his secret. Unless he suffered memory loss himself.

You leaned back without breaking the embrace just to glance at his expression.

"Qifrey? Qifrey! Are you alright?" you tried to gently shake him out of his stupor. "My goodness! I am such a fool, I should have mentioned first that the gifts are perfectly fine. Maybe a bit dusty from the destruction but fine nonetheless!” just keep on blabbering, don’t let him think, - “It's my fault so let me help you clean and wrap them anew. Are they for Tetia? Or Riche? I should have already memorized all the birthdays!  Anyway, as an apology..."

"Y/N!" He suddenly grabbed your face with both of his hands. "Shh…Please, my dear, stop just for a moment". He held your gaze for a minute searching for a trace of something that can confirm that you weren't playing him. 

Oh, Qifrey, you are a good liar, but there's always someone better - He saw nothing malicious in your eyes, so full of concern for him.

He exhaled and then hid his face in the crook of your neck.

"My dear, you're so pale... Please, there's nothing to worry about. The tower was still closed, when I noticed the crack. I concealed everything with the spell you gave me, the girls won't find it…" you continued but he wasn't listening, ashamed with his feelings.

"I'm such a fool!"

"No, you're a worrywort but that's only because you love your girls," you cooed, kissing his cheek. "Don’t be afraid. I won’t tell your secret. I will always be on your side," back on the thin ice, aren't you? Too shaken and exhausted Qifrey decided not to dwell on possible double meaning of your words. It was enough shock for one day, if not the week.

You swear you felt him starting to sway a bit.

"You must be tired. Would you care for some tea? I'm thinking about something soothing, maybe willowgrape and beast-tail?" you wanted to add "you’ll need it a lot, you hypocrite" but decided against it. After all you’d be the kettle calling the pot black - you just tormented your partner. Olly would never… So it seems it’s your job now.

"Fear me, you measly Sprout" you thought.

Qifrey leaned back against the counter and watched you prepare the tea. When everything was ready he took you by your shoulders and pulled you close. He started to pepper your face with kisses and then...

"Ack!!! You bit me?! What for?" he never did that before.

"Oh, nothing, my sweet, just in the mood," he almost crooned but his gaze lacked usual warmth.

You wanted to scold him but at the same time you shouldn’t expect the storm that was raging in his heart to just disappear. Maybe he believed in your innocence this time but that doesn't mean he isn’t frustrated with you. Maybe these small bouts of “violence” are to be expected.

"Oi, Y/n! You’re up too! If I remember correctly, Beldaruit promised us that you will lead by example"

"Oh, you know, sometimes he is a silly Beldy-bell, you shouldn’t trust his judgeme-ACK!" turning your back to Qifrey was a mistake. Who knew he'd decide to pinch you now. Your bottom no less. "Did you see that? Shameless!"

"Oh, that’s new…”Olly was perplexed but a bit amused, ”Well, can’t say I blame him"

"Not you too... Ouch! Again! Someone is awfully mean today," and for a good reason. "Anyway, the tea is ready, let's sit together"

You quickly fell back into comfortable conversation with Ollruggio. Qifrey remained unusually silent throughout. Not even a hum.

Every time you glanced at him, you found his one eye fixed on you, and every time, goosebumps prickled across your skin, as though you could somehow sense his thoughts.

Come to think of it, it was foolish to think even for a moment that you can be with Brimmed Hats. After all you were... you. Wonderful, lovable you.

Qifrey trusted you when you said you loved him, that you would always be on his side. If anything, caring too much would be the very thing that might make you reveal his secret if you ever discover it.

Regardless, now if he wants to keep his peace of mind, he needs to know who you were with, where you were, who you were corresponding with. Maybe fewer errands outside the atelier. Fewer opportunities to take on personal commissions.

It's not about control, he told himself. It's only about his safety. And his apprentices'.

He found himself mentally listing the people who might notice your possible isolation - and who might try to do something about it. What would it take to discourage them?

He shut the thought down, horrified.

It returned anyway.

Nauseating.

No need for dark magic to create a monster, it seems.

----