apologizing in advance

this is the restrained version of me. i could be much worse.

when youre inadvertently 1% too nice to a straight guy you can usually pinpoint the exact moment where he decides you must be acting that way because you want to fuck down on him crazy style and it is at this point that one would be well advised to have a cyanide capsule under a false tooth or an equivalent fast acting response

i hate when something is in 20 minutes

today our zoo had an annual 21+ day where there's beer n wine stands and no kids and it turns out when you remove the families from a zoo everyone left is lesbians

if you're an artist of any craft always remember to sleep by putting all your weight on your hands and wrists, and don't forget to make the position as weird and awkward as possible to maximize the damage. sweet dreams

Someone is eating a fresh orange in this McDonald's. I smelled it and my head snapped up like a hunting dog. That smell doesn't belong in this wicked place

invented a new word today. its 'plagiarism'. im a genius i know

if my name was "wolfgang amadeus" i would also be getting a lot of shit done

(with unconstrained lust and heart shaped pupils) hey. I liked your wordplay.

creative droughts are so embarrassing yeah sorry man I forgot my shapes and colors

when the blackberry bushes have thorns to discourage mammals from monopolizing the consumption of their fruits and encourage birds to spread their seeds but they don’t know that the mammal in question is ME #notdiscouraged

by all means. but also by all niceys

i legiterately always feel like that person on reddit who posted "is it weird if i go on a walk like is everyone gonna be freaked out". i feel like that every minute of every day

you're just mad because you're hungry and tired and your legs hurt and you head hurts and you're too hot and you have depression