woop woop

ya paraste el show?

no es para tanto

tu hermana quiere dormir

el toni necesita dormir

quieres que te pegue para que tengas razón de llorar?

solo quieres manipular

sobre reaccionar

hablamos cuando se te pase

si podías dejar de llorar antes por que no lo hiciste

no quiero preocupar a nadie

o tal vez si quiero atención

pero y si es a costa de su cariño?

solo quiero ser normal

lo vas a hacer solo para decir que lo hiciste? (about sh)

si fuera real no le dirias a nadie

no me odien

débil

es solo una excusa

ni eso puedes hacer

son lágrimas de cocodrilo

para que haces eso? para quien? soloxquieres llamar la atención

manipular al resto

incluso a ti para creerte la victima

puro show

no vas a conseguir lo que quieres

solo molestas

como alguien querría pasar por esto?

why do people lose interest on my body?

I'm that tree falling down in the middle of the forest

Just when someone touches me I come alive

And the passive pass of time drives me insane

quisiera contarle a tus amigos, ellos te defenderán

venía vacio, absolutamente nadie en el

es acaso un metro fantasma? mi mente suavizando el hecho que salte a las vías?

el suelo y el asiento se sienten reales

pero su amor también se sentía real

así que quien sabe

es una suave muerte

I started bleeding when you stopped loving me

maybe it will go away when it doesn't hurt anymore

maybe it will bleed forever

you made it so I can't be loved again

I can't trust anyone again

you said "we will always love each other"

here I am two years later

you never knew her presence, her soft hand never touched these pages. I stopped writing because it stopped hurting

he came like a sweet potion that dissolved the pain

like water from the sea cleaning my soul

like sun light through the curtains in the cold morning

like a warm tea cleaning my throath

and here we are again

pained

and because of her too

I didn't write because I wasn't in pain

but the pain killer killed me

I really can't concentrate in nothing rn

I only think about her, waiting for a message back, she had to have read the first one

did I needed to send more?

she is probably sad but why would you make you sad

I don't get it

why now too

it was very stupid of her part

makes me kinda hate her

Me gustan como un juego. Los juegos son fantasias, son las nueces que seguimos esperando salir del bosque. La relacion ambigua me permite reivindicar mi deseo, fuera de toda convencion de felicidad y paz, te deseo solo por el deseo mismo.

He decidido que no le temo a la opinion publica. Todos mis deseo son vistos con malos ojos, son sucios, pervertidos, degenerados. Pues y que? Diran (como dice la voz en mi mente) que solo busco excusar mi hedonismo con palabras academicistas, pero no. Maldigo el ojo publico que me condena. He decidido que no me importa. Los ojos no son tan sagrados y pueden ser lanzados a los cerdos.

who gave you permision to remove all my insides in a macabre dance with the void?

that bird was hidden in a cage of ribs

but you broke too many of them

freed the bird

but failed to see that it would had to eat through my liver and my blood and my arteries and my flesh and bone

destroying my sanity dismembering my mind

kill me quickly kill me slowly

make me feel pain

because when pain breaks the rythm of life

i feel closer to god

i feel closer to the alimañas that grow on the earth

i feel closer to that numbing potion that helps forgive and forget

be my opyum be my salvation

i dont like this, feels like im in a constant loop

i do feel more understood now though

i felt genuine joy while explaining it, i felt great

but also Alien

and feelings, feeling

damn

feelings

it hurts, i do feel jealous, because i know believe (what an optimist) this closes a door, maybe im not losing something i had, but im losing one posibility

you really love to hang on every loose thread, he never mentioned anything about him being interested, just open to hearing about it

and still

feels like a promise

like a distant possibility

and why oh why had he had to tell me "i think you would like her" "she is like you" (she said "she is gorgeous") queue Mitski SHOULD'VE BEEN ME (im not gorgeous though) (and i would hqve never been able to give him the monogamy he wants)

what else to write here? a defense of the polyamory? the why did they misunderstand me cry?

for what?

im not happy

im not sad

maybe im both

no es un cuchillo caliente que quema mi pecho, sino que el nudo indivisible de la tristeza de ser rechazada

el silencioso grito de haber llegado muy tarde, muy temprano, nunca lista

No eres mi pertenencia, No eres mi propiedad

Y

Sin Embargo

Te deseeo poseer, tu mente tu alma tu corazon

validame quiereme rompeme

i have lost my other hope too, im not good enough anymore. Fuck i really wanted to work there, why? is it because you feel more confident in your ability to get a man??

what a weird feeling, i dont remember working on Lush while dating him, i was tapped out already?

maybe i should be quiet que derecho tengo a usar espacios que no me corresponden? como saber que espacios me corresponden? todos hablan de adueñasrse de mas espacios, de ocupar de sonar de ser loud and proud. Pero,,,, puedo yo? me incluye? soy libre de decir fuck your other relationships, im here. Do with that what you want.