Navala

In the silence of the night, I hear,

The echoes of a love once bright,

But now, a whisper, sharp and clear,

A call to set my spirit right.

Your fire, a beacon, fierce and wild,

Yet, I, a soul in need of calm,

Our worlds, so vast, so reconciled,

But now, I seek a healing balm.

Your laughter, a melody so sweet,

Yet, my heart, it aches to roam,

Though we’ve shared a bond so deep,

It’s time for me to find my home.

I’ll carry the love, the lessons learned,

But now, I must set free,

For in this journey, I’ve discerned,

She whispered to herself, barely audible, trying to steady her breath. *Breathe. Relax. You’ll be fine. You can’t hyper-fixate on this. Don’t overthink it. You are fine. The trip is going to be fine. Your girlfriends love you. They just want you to be better—that’s why they’re harsh on you. They’re not making fun of you, they’re just joking with you. Yeah, that’s right. Those are two different things.*

But how could she tell the difference when her brain was always picking up on tiny details? The subtle shifts in their voices, the way they smirked, the way their eyes crinkled when they laughed—was she reading too much into it? Or had she always been the joke?

*Oh God.*

She clenched her hands into fists, forcing herself to push the thoughts away. *You are fine. You will be fine. Stop being negative. Smile. Be excited.*

But she wasn’t excited. She was terrified. Four whole days in the forest, alone with them. No one to protect her.

But why did she even feel this way? These were her best friends—nine years of friendship, maybe even more. And yet, her stomach twisted at the thought of being isolated with them. She couldn’t hide her fear. *No, no, no. I can. Of course, I can. I can be anything I want—except confrontational.*

Maybe this trip was a chance to face her fears. *Four days in survival mode with my best friends—are they to be trusted?*

The question sent a chill down her spine. Why did she feel like she was in danger? She shook her head. *I can’t let them see that I’m scared. Or stressed. Or... what?*

Her mind was spiraling.

*I’m not a joke. I’m not a coward. I’ll be fine. You’ll be fine, Jane. Why wouldn’t you be?*

Maybe because there wouldn’t be a bedroom door to lock behind her at night. Maybe because she wouldn’t have her mom sleeping in the next room. Maybe because she’d have to share a tent.

*No. No. No. Stop it. Stop.*

She hated this. Hated her brain. Hated how she felt. She couldn’t just stop talking to them—if she did, she’d be alone. *Weird Jane lost the only two friends she ever had.*

She was only fifteen. Why was this consuming her?

Her mother always told her that life wouldn’t stop just because someone left. She had been saying that for as long as Jane could remember—ever since Jane had asked why her father left. And it was true. Her mother had never stopped living, even when she was left alone with a baby. She had kept going, kept fighting.

But Jane wasn’t strong like her mother.

*No, stop. You are fine.*

Then why did she feel so anxious? Her hands were clammy, her nose was running, her chest felt too tight.

*What the hell is going on?*

Maybe her body was trying to tell her something. Her mother always said to listen to your body. She had once told Jane that she got a strange, uneasy feeling when she first met Jane’s father—something deep in her gut warning her. Not love, but a warning.

Was this the same thing?

Her breath was coming too fast now, shallow and unsteady.

*I need to relax.*

Met you on a screen, a name and a face,

A laugh through the pixels, a spark I can’t replace.

We talked till the night, my world turning bright,

But now in the daylight, I’m just out of sight.

Told my friends every little thing you said,

Painted you vivid, red and black in my head.

But you’re so unaware, so far from where I stand,

I’m just a shadow, trying to hold your hand.

You’re color and light, I’m caught in the gray,

Want to be closer but don’t know what to say.

Scared if I tell you, you’ll fade out of view,

But I can’t help wanting more of you.

We finally met, you’re more real than before,

A face I could touch but still can’t explore.

You laugh with your eyes but don’t see mine burn,

How do I tell you when I’m just a turn?

Dreamed of this moment, told all of my friends,

They know your stories, the laughs that you send.

But you’re so out of reach, standing right by my side,

And I’m just that girl who’s keeping it all inside.

Maybe I’m just a name to you,

One of a thousand, just passing through.

But I wish I could be the one you find,

In your crowded world, your heart, your mind.

You’re color and light, I’m lost in the gray,

Reaching for you but you’re drifting away.

I keep this feeling so tightly in view,

But I can’t help wanting more of you.

Maybe I’ll tell you, maybe I won’t,

Maybe I’ll stay here and hope that you don’t

Fade to the shadows, blur in the night

Every time we talked, I felt this strange pressure in my throat, an awkward dryness that made me feel like I needed a sip of water just to keep up. It wasn’t nerves exactly, but more of a sense that he was carrying something much larger than he let on. There was an intensity about him, a heaviness beneath his easygoing presence. Conversations felt like walking a fine line, a delicate balance between the words we spoke and the silence that lingered, saying so much more than either of us let on.

He moved so freely among others, like a social butterfly with endless friends, blending seamlessly with everyone around him. It seemed like he had a support system already, people he could lean on if he wanted to. I wondered if my offer of friendship would even matter, or if I’d just be another person in a long line, someone he’d never really need to count on. I usually knew where I stood with friends, whether a bond would last or fade, but with him, I felt uncertain. There was something different here, something I couldn’t pin down, and it left me feeling like I was swimming in unknown waters.

But deep down, I wanted to be someone he could rely on, someone who saw him beyond the smile and the charm. I wanted him to know, even if I couldn’t say it directly, that I was here, ready to be a steady shoulder if ever he needed one. Yet every time I thought about bringing it up, my words dried up. Who was I to assume he needed me when he seemed to have so many others already?

I couldn’t tell where this friendship was headed, whether it would deepen or simply remain in this delicate balance. Maybe one day we’d be close enough that he’d let me in, or maybe we’d always have this silent distance. All I knew was that his quiet strength and those fanged smiles would stay with me, a reminder of someone who remained, in many ways, a mystery.

For now, I’d wait, hoping that one day he’d see that I was here, ready to be the friend he could count on, even if he already had a hundred others.

[painting on glass]

Silver and purple

That's what I saw from a wide angle

That's when I knew I was in for a long time struggle

I never imagined myself in this battle

Don't worry people, my lenses are subtle

~

It's like painting on glass

Waiting for a wave to hit it

I knew it won't last

But I had some faith in it

It's like painting on glass

That is all shattered

It's like having a blast

Without knowing how much it matters

~

Didn't pay attention to the statics

But the residue was so scary and toxic

I saw through them, they were very basic

Now all I can say is goddamnit

Just like a painting on glass they were transparent

Yes I'm breaking free now, I'm throwing some feathers

~

Just like the painting on glass

This is my last letter

Now it's all smashed

I can paint much better

It stops them from being able to grow and be themselves, and can make their relationships with others hard and distant. This mindset not only hurts men, but also encourages gender inequality and creates a world where aggression is more common.

By looking down on traits like kindness or vulnerability, which are seen as "feminine," it leads to damaging actions, from men bottling up emotions to becoming physically violent. To create a better, more accepting world, we need to understand and push back against these harmful ideas, allowing men to express themselves in more ways and build healthier connections with others.