i dunno what to tell you, i just live here

“Probably not, then,” Goh began, then stopped, and rethought what he knew about his friend.

Ash Ketchum, open brackets, obliviousness, close brackets.

“...okay,” he said. “I maybe need to start at the beginning, I guess. So when I started on the Project Mew stuff, it wasn’t just about completing challenges. There’s a lot of science to it, too.”

“Oh, science is amazing!” Ash said. “Did you make any cool transforming backpacks?”

Goh blinked.

“...do you… know what science is?” he asked, hesitantly.

“Yeah, obviously!” Ash replied. “It’s cool gears that do amazing things! With science!”

“That sounds more like technology, but – oh, never mind,” Goh said, trying to focus on what was actually more important. “Look – okay – during the Project Mew, uh, project, there was a lot of looking at times that Legendary Pokémon have shown up. To try and work out why and when they show up, right?”

Ash nodded slowly.

“Right,” he said. “Yeah, I guess that happens a lot!”

“That’s what I’m getting at!” Goh said. “Because it mostly doesn’t. And Danika gave us some reports of these various weird events, and I thought it was kind of funny that a lot of them said that ‘Ash’ was involved. Sometimes ‘Ash Ketchum’. I thought it was really funny that I was friends with a trainer who’s called the standard name for a trainer where you don’t know their name.”

“Oh, cool!” Ash said. “Who?”

Pikachu had already started giggling, but he broke into outright laughter at Ash’s question.

“Luu-cario,” Lucario said, solemnly. “Car-io, lu!”

“...oh, right,” Ash realized. “You mean me?”

“Yes,” Goh said, then rubbed his temples. “Anyway, uh. Where was I going with that – oh, right, yeah. So anyway a lot of those reports were from the general scientific community, and because I really want to meet Mew I looked up a lot more of them, and so many of them were about Ash or Ash Ketchum. It’s kind of an in-joke among the scientific community that maybe they’re all about the same Ash, or maybe the name is Ash because it’s a Pokémon Professor we haven’t met yet, or any of that kind of thing…”

Goh pointed. “But that’s what I’m asking! Is it you?”

“I don’t know, is it?” Ash asked. “I haven’t read the reports.”

“Luuuu…” Lucario said, looking down at Pikachu. “Ca-rio-ri-car?”

“Pikachuu, pikapi pika ka!” Pikachu replied.

“Yeah, what are the reports?” Ash said. “Maybe I’m in them and maybe not!”

Goh flicked on his phone. “Okay, uh. Getting involved in a battle involving Lugia, Articuno, Zapdos and Moltres?”

“Yeah, that one’s me!” Ash said, brightly. “I’m glad Lugia was okay, I was really worried for him at one point. And I’m glad the collector guy was stopped from capturing all of the legendary Pokémon, he seemed like he wanted Pokémon just so he could have them rather than to be their friends.”

Goh looked a bit unsure how to take that.

“...right,” he said. “I guess, yeah – and then, uh, this weird thing with an Entei?”

“The Entei was just a dream one,” Ash provided. “Unless you mean the time around Mount Silver. That one was real. Or that time with the shiny ones, there were real ones and fake ones there, the fake ones were Zoroark. That’s a Zoroark not more than one Zoroark.”

“Okay, that’s a check,” Goh decided. “Actually that’s three checks. What about… Suicune?”

“Huh, you missed one, but I guess you wouldn’t know about it,” Ash said. “But yeah, I think… hang on… four times with Suicune, plus the one with the Zoroark.”

Goh put something on his phone, paused, then scrolled down and ticked two more off as well.

“Ho-Oh?” he said.

“Yeah, loads of times!” Ash confirmed. “Never close up though. I guess you know about Lugia.”

“The only Lugia one I can see that you haven’t confirmed is the one where a Lugia was captured,” Goh volunteered.

“Oh, do they count Dahara City?” Ash asked. “It sounds like they don’t.”

“...Dahara City?” Goh repeated, then scrolled most of the way to the bottom. “That one was real? With the, Rayquaza and the Palkia and Arceus and – and so many Legendary Pokémon I thought it was a prank!”

“It was, kind of, but Hoopa’s the one who did the prank,” Ash said. “Right, Pikachu?”

“Chu!” Pikachu nodded.

“This is actually insane,” Goh muttered, then one caught his eye on the way back up the list. “Uh. Apparently there was this time that someone borrowed an airship?”

“Yeah, that was us!” Ash agreed. “Actually that was mostly Iris. It was to distract Kyurem’s Cryogonal so that Keldeo could manage to rescue the other Swords of Justice, or the Swords of Justice because Keldeo wasn’t one yet, only there was a misunderstanding and Kyurem was only annoyed because Keldeo ran away instead of conceding. Once Keldeo understood what bravery means he was able to fight well and then concede, and we flew the airship back.”

Goh had gone slightly cross-eyed.

“Chuu!” Pikachu giggled.

“I’m… going to assume most of these really happened and were you,” Goh said, after a moment. “And at Alto Mare you met a Latias?”

“And a Latios, but Latios didn’t survive,” Ash said, with a sigh.

Then Goh’s phone went bing.

“...huh,” he said. “Apparently the one who reported that event wants to know your location.”

“Ca-rio, riolucar?” Luario asked, confused.

“Yeah, don’t you mean wants to know your location?” Ash asked. “That’s on your phone.”

“I was surprised too,” Goh replied. “Who wrote this one anyway… Bianca Alter? Huh.”

There was another bing.

“What does ‘incoming Latias’ mean?” Goh asked.

Ash scratched his head.

“Do you think that has something to do about when she kissed me?” he asked.

“Chuu, pikapi pikachu chuu!” Pikachu said, rapidly.

“Of course I knew!” Ash replied. “Her illusion’s only an illusion, it’s not solid.”

He frowned. “I always thought that being interested in someone meant shouting that you only had eyes for them and then being hit over the head by Misty or Max. You mean it’s not?”

Goh stared.

The girl looked embarrassed.

“I knew,” she said. “My name’s Penny.”

“And this is Pikachu!” Ash went on, and his starter nodded.

“Pika chuu!” he said, politely, and offered a paw.

“I… hmm,” Gary said, clearly not sure if he should tell Ash not to introduce Pikachu or not.

“What Pokémon do you have?” Ash asked. “If you know who I am then I guess you know my team, or some of them anyway, but I’d love to meet your Pokémon! Oh, do you have an Eevee? Gary had an Eevee but she evolved.”

“I’ve got an Eevee, yes,” Penny said. “He’s at home, though. And I’ve also got a Vaporeon, Jolteon, Flareon, Umbreon, Leafeon and Sylveon with me, and Glaceon and Espeon are with Eevee at home.”

“Wow,” Gary mused. “Now that’s a theme.”

“I like Eevee,” Penny admitted.

“I’ve never had an Eevee, but I like them anyway!” Ash said.

“Ash, you like all Pokémon,” Gary pointed out.

Pikachu nodded. “Pika kachuu, pikapi pika ka chuu!”

“Yeah?” Ash replied, shrugging. “I do like all Pokémon! That doesn’t mean I don’t like Eevee, I like all the Pokémon I’ve ever met in their own ways and I like Pokémon because of the things about them! Though Pikachu is right up there as the best, obviously.”

“Chuu!” Pikachu said, proudly, and Penny hid a smile.

“Well, if you do like evolved Eevee, then I could introduce you to some of mine,” she said.

“Sure!” Ash agreed. “Hey, maybe we could have a battle!”

Penny seemed to consider that, taking out some Pokéballs, then Ash frowned.

“That’s a funny sticker on that Pokéball,” he said. “The one that’s got blue and white and pink stripes on it. Is that Sylveon’s Pokéball? How come none of the other Pokéballs have a sticker like that, is that because you like Sylveon the best?”

Penny looked down with a quick, jerky motion, then blushed, but before she could react further Gary made an incredulous noise.

“Seriously, Ash?” he asked. “How could you of all people not recognize that flag?”

Ash looked at Gary, just as confused.

“Huh?” he asked. “Why would I recognize it?”

Pikachu looked back and forth between Ash and Gary, then exchanged a look of mutual incomprehension with Penny.

“Chu?” he asked, then Sylveon came out of her Pokéball and pressed against Penny’s leg.

“Ash,” Gary said, sounding very much like the long-suffering friend dealing with an idiot. “Didn’t you think it was a bit weird when your best friend disappeared and I showed up the same age with the same parents? I’m trans, you idiot, that’s the trans flag.”

“Well, yeah, but I promised,” Ash replied, so matter-of-factly that it took the wind entirely out of Gary’s sails.

“...what?” he asked.

“Remember?” Ash replied. “When you came out, you said not to let on that you were trans to anyone who didn’t already know. And the only reason why I know what that flag is is because you told me, so if you weren’t trans then I wouldn’t know what the flag meant so I’d have to ask about it. If Penny said then I’d know what it meant and I wouldn’t have to explain you were trans to explain how I knew what being trans was or what the flag meant.”

Gary went cross-eyed for a moment.

“...uh,” he said. “Okay, I guess… I can kind of see how that works. But anyway-”

“And you’ve stuck with the same name for years, now,” Ash went on. “You know, after you went through that phase when you were trying out all those names, like Catchmasta and Zeraora and stuff, I think even Professor Oak couldn’t keep track, because I know he had to ask me what you were called at one point. So there isn’t even a way I could have explained it as because I wanted to know all the reasons someone would change their name!”

Now Gary looked embarrassed.

“I’d forgotten about that,” he said. “Or… I’d tried to forget about that. Some of those names were awful.”

“Zeraora?” Penny asked. “Really?”

“I struggled to come up with a good name, okay?” Gary defended himself. “Did you hit on Penny first?”

“Yeah,” Penny said, with a shrug. “It was when I decided to commit to this. I was in for a penny.”

She made a face. “Come to think of it, it sounds stupid when I say it like that.”

“I’m called Ash because I introduced myself to Professor Oak when he was ten and I was twelve!” Ash said. “And so when Mom was about to have a kid she asked for name suggestions and Professor Oak suggested my name, so I guess my name’s a time paradox! Cool, huh?”

“How the hell could that happen?” Penny asked.

“Three rules of Ash Ketchum,” Gary said, ticking off on his fingers. “Yes, he is that smart. Yes, he is that dumb. And yes, his life is that weird.”

“Hey!” Ash protested, as Pikachu giggled. “I’m not that bad!”

“You are,” Gary countered. “You so are. Didn’t you tell me you once got killed?”

“Which time?” Ash replied. “One of them I only know about because I got the memories back after I got my mind wiped, and then there was this time when I don’t know if it counts because the universe was sort of unhappening… but that one was thousands of years in the past, and if you die before you’re born does it even count?”

It was Sylveon’s turn to exchange a baffled look with Penny.

“Anyway, are we going to have that training battle?” Ash asked. “Hey, we could do a double battle, Gary!”

Gary looked tempted.

“Can you do Terastilization?” he asked. “I’m technically here to study that.”

“I know Sylveon’s Tera type,” Penny volunteered.