NATASHASUH

You’re comparing yourself to her again.

But my god, what a woman! Beauty, brains AND heart! /STOP. Take a second, and come back. 

Who I am- past, present, and future- will always be me. It’s all in one. The woman I endeavor to be, the girl that I ran away from, it’s all me; Natasha, Nats. Natasha is still the quirky, shy, soft-spoken, carefree child. But she’s also the one that wears heels when it rains out, to feel the concrete beneath with every strut, and holds her head high in the realization that life is utterly blissful. I know who I want to be, and where I will be. And this knowledge enables me to stray from poor decisions- running into relationships out of haste and loneliness, or for the sake of just being in one. I know who I am. I may not have a crazy awesome job right now, a degree in one hand, or work a 9-5, and I’m completely okay with that. Things will turn around eventually. But what I do does not define me as a person. I am excited to see who Natasha is in the future, but Natasha in a whole is someone that I respect. The person I am today, that person’s validity is not contingent upon who she is in the next 5 years. She’s just as much, and worth just as much. 

One day, I’ll find someone that’ll appreciate me. The person I am today, and all that encapsulates me. I’ll be enough to him. I’ll be more than enough to him. And he’ll feel lucky to have me, as I do to have him. An act of pursuit won’t be one out of obligation, but rather just a natural urge to. Because what’s holding you back won’t compare to the urge of getting to know me. One day you’ll say yes to someone. One day you’ll be one with someone. And one day, one day... One day, someone will say yes to you. over and over and over again. Committed, dedicated, and in love. 

Don’t rush what’s not meant to be. Don’t ask for monogamy again. It should happen on it’s own. It will. It would’ve. Maybe embrace the new. And enter it whole heartedly.