COSMOS

The Dream (The Bed)

Frida Kahlo

Photos from the Official Website.

I haven’t been active for quite a while, but I drew this today in memory of atsushi sakurai who sadly passed a year ago today.

Visual kei has become such a huge part of my life, it’s let me experience so many new things, both in the world and with myself, and helped me meet so many fantastic people. Buck tick was one of the first visual kei bands I ever listened to, I was instantly hooked on the scene when I heard “my funny valentine”, acchans talent was like nothing else I had heard, it was a total breath of fresh air for music with me. Without buck tick and acchan, I wouldn’t be who I am today, as sappy as that sounds. Though we all miss him terribly, there’s beauty in the fact that he was here at all, and that he left such a legacy behind, for the band and fans, past, present and future.

Day 6 - Song you feel identify with

I could write lots of paragraphs about how meaningful songs are for me… but this time Kodou is the one.

Kodou became a very personal song, it is one of my favourites for sure. For some reason, it gives me peace of mind, beyond that I think Sakurai’s lyricism stands out in this album, it reveals his human sensibility and his ability to shape the invisible.

Since I was a kid, I had the feeling that life is a virtual thing, sort of a dream I had to wake up someday. This has been a recurring thought during my entire life, even in adulthood. Personally, I perceive that the theme of the song is about finding meaning, trying to figure out why we have this physical form and feel this way, even though we will never really know and will live in uncertainty forever.

“I don’t know why I’m living, but even so I want it so badly

I think I want to live, if you’ll love me.”

Despite not understanding life, there is a passionate desire to want to continue here, to be someone and to be loved in order to exist and finally to give meaning to our actions. We seek love, we are moved by love (all kinds of love)… and it is beautiful at the end because it is not a superficial emotion, it exposes how fragile we are.  

I tend to daydream and escape from reality too often, so another message I get from Kodou is to live the present, to stay grounded.

Well, I could add other songs, such as: 

Kingdom Come -moon rise-

Solaris

Tight Rope

唄

見えない物を見ようとする　誤解　全て誤解だ

Little by little reading the interviews, I began to know his context, ideas, where he came and it resonated in me much more, "knowing" his thoughts gave more weight and significance to his words.

I have to say that sometimes I related to his darkness and loneliness, he turned the obscure feelings into something haunting. The beauty in darkness, the beauty of being alive despite all the uncertainties and pain. I admire his courage and how he fought his demons. He accepted the odds and tried to enjoy life.

"I don't know why I'm living, but even so I want it so badly"

Even I find it silly and beautiful to share the same birth day with you.

My dear Acchan, you were loved. I wish you could see it, how incredible you were. You were full of love too, your music did a lot for me, it came at the precise moment. Your story helped me to heal some wounds and to accept parts of myself.

I love you and I'll love you forever. I'll never get tired of saying it. Hope you've received tones of colorful and exotic flowers.

"Although nameless, I got to meet you Even nameless, I met butterflies, felt the wind, had dreams..."

Buck-Tick moments that kill me

One of the things I really admire of him was his moments of wisdom, he had interesting thoughts and worldviews, you could learn so much from/of him and life through the interviews. Reading him felt very familiar and it was so rare to have similar ways of thinking/feelings, i appreciate that very much. You could see his qualities and humanity, he was genuine and didn't hide his flaws. He was full of love, he gave us all always. He loved life and loved love, even in his "darkest" lyrics and records, he was moved by it.