jodeci — im still waiting

thought i deleted that tbh. — everything is just so fast sometimes. i wanna act according to the virtues i hold close and uphold the principles i believe in, whilst working toward and achieving the tangible goals i have. and usually i do a decent job of it. but on days where subconsciously held thoughts or feelings come to the surface i find it hard to remain open hearted and let shit go. so far the best way ive found to process whats coming up + find a solution to deal with it, is to get introspective and take space away or do an activity that allows me to metabolise my thoughts and emotions. having to go do something (e.g having to work every day), makes that incredibly challenging. not impossible, but challenging. if something comes up whilst i need to show up in a professional capacity, the easiest route to coping is to suppress it, but in doing so close myself off to my emotions. i dont want to do that for obvious reasons but also because that leads me to find outlets for those feelings that feed vices id rather not indulge in, yfm. sooo, if i could pause time, remove my brain and see these problems from a birds eye view, maybe i could tweak, rewire or clean out the debris, and get my mind right enough to not just be a person i like and am proud of, but also a more highly functioning member of society.

6lack ft. mereba — running late freestyle