i’m applying to nursing school in january. i’m applying for my BSN (bachelor’s of science in nursing) in order to become a registered nurse.

if i’d done better in high school, i probably wouldn’t be struggling so hard now. unfortunately i can’t change the past and can only change my future. 

this past year has been hard. i’ve been out of school since 2014. taking chemistry, math, and biology after not being around it for 5 years prior is difficult. being pressured to get straight a’s in these courses is even more difficult.

i constantly want to give up. i idealize other professions and courses. “i could just go to school and be a care aide (HCA), i already have the prereq’s for it!”, only to be met with deep dissatisfaction knowing i wouldn’t be happy doing anything except being an RN. i know i’d end up bridging HCA to LPN, and LPN to RN. but why would i? when i could finish these last 2 courses and go straight into the BSN program.

i only have 2 courses left. anatomy and physiology, and math. these are the two hardest courses i’ve had to take yet. i’m constantly putting them off, but it’s even more stressful to know they have to be finished by january. i’m just fucking stressed. 

upgrading / prereq courses aren’t eligible for financial aid or student loans. i’ve had to pay for everything out of pocket for the past year. i’ve had to rely on my partner and my parents for help. i know one day it’ll all pay off.. i can pay them back. but i can’t help but feel like such a burden on everyone in my life. i’ve been working 12 hour shifts monday and friday, and tues/wed/thurs i have to focus on my classes. i’m still distracted and feel like i don’t have enough time for school, but if i don’t work those shifts then i can’t pay my bills. that’s it’s own issue all together.