After years of living in the adulting world, I think Iβve come to a realization: Manners exist to guide you to good conduct even when youβre in a bad mood.
When youβre happy, when youβre feeling generous, when youβre pleased with your gift or your service or your outcome, itβs easy to be nice. Itβs easy to tip the waiter well when youβve had a good day. Itβs easy to thank the teller or the clerk when you got what you wanted out of the transaction. Itβs easy to smile and chit-chat with strangers on the road when youβre in a good mood.
Itβs hard to tip the waiter when you didnβt enjoy your food. Itβs hard to thank the clerk for their time when youβve just been told thereβs a problem with their account and they werenβt able to fix it for you. Itβs hard to think of something nice to say when your aunt gave you a crappy sweater you neither need nor want. Itβs hard to be nice to people when youβve had a shitty day. Itβs HARD.
Thatβs what manners are for. Scripts and phrases that you learn by rote to say when you canβt think of a single nice or good thing to say from your own volition. Yes, theyβre scripted. Yes, the sentiment is empty. But the scripts work in every situation, and the emptiness provides a buffer between your own unhappiness and the rest of society.
Because most of the time, itβs not the waiterβs fault that the food you ordered wasnβt what you expected. Itβs not the clerkβs fault that your account is overdrawn. Itβs not the fault of the barista or the stranger on the subway that you got fired today or your favorite aunt died. But even when you canβt summon a smile or a cheery word, you can still have manners, because they will serve you the same in sunshine or rain.
This is very wise and very well put.
Nice!
