The Napoleon Update

Napoleon Update: Napoleon married his second wife, Princess Marie Louise of Austria three times. First they were married by proxy in Vienna (her brother, the archduke Charles stood in for her and Chief of Staff Berthier stood for Napoleon). Once she arrived in Paris, their civil wedding ceremony was held at the palace of Saint-Cloud. The final, religious ceremony was held at a silver altar in the Louvre's Galerie d'Apollon. There were fireworks and 3,000 legs of mutton and 1,000 sausages were given to the poor. 6,000 veterans of the French army married on the same day and received 600 francs each. The template for the wedding and public celebration was the marriage of Louis XVI and Marie Antoinette, a fact that seems hubristic and BONKERS

Napoleon Update: when searching for his second wife, Napoleon wanted a politically advantageous princess who would legitimize his power and provide him with an heir. He really wanted a Romanoff princess to mend relations between him and Tsar Alexander, but no such luck. With the Russians out of the picture, he turned to Princess Marie Louise of Austria. This was a solid diplomatic choice, given how often the two nations had fought. As a child, Marie Louise had played with a ferocious effigy of Napoleon in her nursery. Before she knew she was being considered, Marie wrote to a friend "I pity the poor princess he chooses"

Napoleon Update: like Napoleon we must bid farewell to the extraordinary Josephine. Marie Rose Josèphe Tascher de la Pagerie was born on Martinique in 1763. Her unhappy arranged marriage to Alexandre Beauharnais brought her to France and their two children: Hortense and Eugene (who were at one point briefly kidnapped by Alexandre during their parents separation). During the reign of terror Alexandre was guillotined and Josephine spent months in prison. Despite suffering from post traumatic stress disorder she charmed her way back into society, eventually becoming Madame Bonaparte and later the Empress of France. When Napoleon divorced her after 14 years of marriage (to obtain an heir) she was devastated. In the divorce she got Malmaison where she obsessively cultivated roses. She and Napoleon corresponded for the rest of her life and when she died in 1814, he locked himself in his room for two days. Ironically, it was her grandson (not Napoleon's) who would go on to rule France and her descendants who now sit on the thrones of Belgium, Denmark, Greece, Luxembourg, Norway and Sweden. Vive L'impératrice! 

Napoleon Update: while Napoleon was considering his divorce from Josephine, he had the connecting doors between their bedrooms walled up. Josephine was devastated. Eventually he broke it to her "You have children and I have none". Strictly speaking, this wasn't true: Napoleon had fathered an illegitimate son with his polish mistress. That night Josephine wept for hours, screaming and fainting at dinner. 

Napoleon Update: Once, when Napoleon was leaving the Opera, an escaped lunatic ran up to him and shouted "I'm in love with the Empress!". Napoleon quipped back "Monsieur, you have chosen an extraordinary confidant." Emperor of France and king of the one-liners. 

Napoleon Update: During the Landshut campaign, French forces captured an Austrian colonel. When questioned, he refused to give up information on the army's battle plans. Napoleon stepped in an told him it was no bother, he knew everything anyway and proceeded to accurately describe Austrian troop movements and locations. The colonel was impressed by this perceptive officer (who he didn't recognize) and asked "With whom do I have the pleasure of speaking?" The Emperor leaned in, tipped his hat forward and smiled. He replied: "Monsieur Bonaparte"

Napoleon Update: 246 years ago today, Letizia Di Buonaparte was walking home from church in Ajaccio when her contractions started. She made it home but couldn’t get to her bed. The fourth of her thirteen children was born on a heap of tapestries in the hallway. She named him Napoleon.

Napoleon Update: during the Congress of Erfurt, Napoleon got to meet Goethe. Napoleon was a HUGE fan: his copy of The Sorrows of Young Werther was so well-worn that the pages were falling out. Goethe wrote that he really enjoyed his conversations with the emperor. For his part, Napoleon was impressed but also couldn't get over Goethe's admiration for Shakespeare. Napoleon hated the bard's penchant for mixing comedy and tragedy in the same play. 

Napoleon Update: Charles Maurice Talleyrand de Périgord was Napoleon's chief diplomat. He was instrumental in the coup that brought Napoleon to power and served as minister of foreign affairs. He thrived on bribes from foreign governments to the point that Napoleon had to remove him from the post. Eventually Napoleon discovered that Talleyrand had been selling state secrets to pretty much every other European government including Tsar Alexander. When he found out Napoleon called him a "shit in a silk stocking" 

Napoleon Update: things DID NOT go well for France in Spain. Napoleon made political and military mistakes and he seriously misunderstood the country and the people. As he was storming back to France he stopped to give an angry speech at a monastery. He used an expletive so foul that his translator refused to say it and it has been omitted from all first-hand accounts. When Napoleon realized his translator's censorship, he furiously shouted it himself, to the horror of the audience.

Napoleon Update: Napoleon hated waiting for things and also thought formal dining was useless and took too much time. At Malmaison, dozens of chickens were roasted on spits every day so that the emperor would always have freshly cooked chicken when he got hungry.

Napoleon Update: Among the residents of the Malmaison menagerie was an orangutan who wore a white cotton chemise and was often invited to dine with guests. She would eat turnips with them and they sometimes provided her with snuff. 

Napoleon Update: Napoleon and Josephine kept an extensive menagerie at Malmaison whose residents included flying squirrels, kangaroos and a cockatoo that said "Bonaparte!" incessantly.

Napoleon Update: During the peace negotiations after Friedland Emperor Napoleon and Tsar Alexander bonded over how much they haaaaated Prussian Emperor Fredrick William. Fredrick William made the mistake of boring Napoleon with a lengthy discussion of the buttons on his uniform for which he was never forgiven. During the negotiations, Napoleon and Alexander stayed in local palaces but they made Fredrick William stay in the local miller's house. Lesson: do not bore the emperor.

Napoleon Update: Napoleon was PRETTY CONFIDENT during the battle of Friedland. It fell on the anniversary of his victory at Marengo and the fighting was unfolding as planned. To the horror of his men, the emperor took a chair out into the field and ate lunch in range of the Russian gunfire. Later he was spotted waving his riding crop and shouting "Marengo day! Victory day!" His confidence paid off, it was a spectacular victory for the French. 

Napoleon Update: Napoleon was very taken with Polish countess Marie Walewaska and determined to make her his mistress. He told Josephine to hold off on visiting for a while and in his letters to Marie he addressed her with the informal "tu" rather than formal "vous". This put her in a very exclusive club, Napoleon reserved "tu" for Josephine and the Shah of Persia.

Napoleon Update: During the Continental Blockade Napoleon worked on some solutions to French dependence on British imports. These included extracting sugar from beets and a type of cotton made out of thistles.