I used to wear a purity ring that says âtrue love waits.â Got it in high schoolâdifferent time, different morality. I thought it was so noble and good, the best and right ethic to follow. It was supposed to signal the man God intended for me to pursue me knowing Iâd be worth the effort.
Wore it all through high school and most of college, even after I came out. The idea behind the phrase still seemed good and beneficial, something worth following bc it meant not meaninglessly rushing into the most intimate and intense parts of a relationship.
But as time went on, I lowkey started to see the ring as a curse, a ward repelling literally everyone I was ever interested in away from me, a standard too high to reach for a girl whoâs not that worth it anyway.
Some years ago, I took that ring off and threw it in the back of my closet, but I sometimes think about it and wonder if itâs some prophetic word eternally branded on my being.
I no longer have the intended ethic this phrase implies, yet itâs still this massive wall blocking me from a specific kind of fulfillment.
I feel like Iâve done enough waiting and had enough patience and it doesnât matter. Any OGs still following me on here know Iâve had this same fundamental problem for over a decade.
Iâm better at being there for myself, but Iâm also tired of it. And Iâm tired of how no matter which way I shift my standards or expectations that nothing works out. Those shifts are genuine but still.