i don't want the next commander, i want you

ey!!!!! guess who’s stupid!!!! it’s your girl!!!!!

so i forgot to update my email when i switched, and now my old email is inaccessible, but it’s forcing me to make a password change i can’t do. for some reason i can still access this blog through mobile but i know that’s not gonna last forever.

Erwin blinks awake when he feels something nudging his knee. The air’s thick with warmth and Levi’s peering down at him, details that make Erwin think he could still be dreaming. Then Levi’s settling directly on top of him on the couch, winding his arms around Erwin’s neck and making himself comfortable.

“Need something?”

“Just you,” Levi says, half mumbled like he hopes Erwin won’t hear. “Go back to sleep.”

It’s part of the shift in the world since the war ended, the way they don’t have to be shy about how much they’ve always relied on each other. The light through the window is yellow with early spring and makes Levi’s hair look soft. Erwin pushes it out of Levi’s eyes, tucking what he can behind his ear.

“You’re heavier than you look,” Erwin says, even as his left arm circles Levi’s waist to hold him there. His hand slides up Levi’s shirt to rub his back, alternating between small circles and long strokes. The tension drains out of Levi slowly, and with it comes more of his weight, but it’s a pleasant warmth.

“If I’m crushing your ribs or something let me know,” Levi says after a while.

“I’ve had worse.”

Levi tilts his head to glare at him. “Do you have to be so morbid?”

“It’s not so bad now, is it?” Erwin says. “I think the biggest threat we have these days is Hange’s dog.”

Levi snorts, nuzzles his head a little closer. “I swear, that thing stumbled into their experiments. Nothing has that many teeth naturally.”

Levi loosens one of his arms to take Erwin’s right hand. He looks at it calmly, so far from the first time when he’d pulled Erwin from his titan form, both of them wide-eyed and shaking. For Erwin it feels like the first time again, every nerve newly alive as Levi slides the back of his fingertips up his palm. The light brush of his nails makes Erwin shiver.

“Is your arm still sensitive?” Levi asks. “It’s been years.”

He lets his hand trail up to Erwin’s elbow, looking pleased at the small goosebumps he leaves in his wake. He takes Erwin’s hand, kisses the pulse in his wrist, then lets their fingers link loosely. It’s silent for a few minutes, and Erwin thinks Levi might have gone to sleep until he speaks again.

“The window’s open,” Levi mumbles. “Bugs are gonna get in.”

“One of us will have to move to close it.”

“Hm.”

Levi doesn’t say anything more about it, and Erwin lets the drowsiness of the air take to him. Everything’s fuzzy and light and he feels younger than he deserves, young enough to remember his early years in the military. In those days he thought the singular love of his life had already come and gone. In those days, he resigned himself to that knowledge.

thanks for sending this on mother’s day anon, loving that knife to the heart!

ahh but this is so lovely, i adore the idea. after the titans are gone i could see levi and historia starting another project (like the orphanage) to help make the underground city more habitable, if it would continue to exist. i love these two tiny gays working together to make the world a better place.

and while levi’s not the type to indulge in nostalgia, i still think it would mean a lot for him to go back. he’d want to make sure the kids there are being fed well, better than he ever was. then there’s the symbolism of the city, the beginning of his life proper and the beginning of his second chance at life, once erwin finds him there (insert acwnr/chapter 80 kneeling-and-making-life-changing-deals parallel here).

gosh, i do wonder if there’s a place there where levi would feel closest to kuchel. something about the smell of the air would bring back memories of her he hadn’t felt in years, and he’d just sit and talk to her. he’d tell her everything he’s done, everything he’s seen since leaving the city. and you know he’d tell her every cheesy thing he thinks about erwin, things he usually only tells erwin in his circumlocutory way (which levi knows erwin sees right through). he’d tell her the way they care for each other, how they’ve helped each other heal, both during the war and after.

when levi’s around erwin we see him relaxed, trusting, and emotionally open in a way he probably hasn’t been since his childhood with kuchel. he never wanted to let anyone get too close after enduring so much loss, but he lets erwin in, and kuchel would be delighted to see it pay off. (vagueing @ isayams not to make levi wish he hadn’t left his heart so vulnerable ha ha let erwin live 2k16)

good call anon! i’ll admit, when i first went through the raws i entered depths-of-despair territory. but then we had a speculation session on twitter, latched onto the theory that the rando who woke up at the end of the chapter (who i hear is being dubbed miniba? CUTE) is going to find erwin, and possibly keep him alive long enough for levi to reach them. for as many narrative reasons i see for erwin to not make it, i see just as many for him to keep living, and it’s going to make this month an interesting one for theories/screaming.

and that’s so true ahh. everyone is giving their all in this arc! and, even if just for this chapter, everyone is still alive (well, almost everyone, sorry marlowe “future meme victim” freudenberg). there’s still plenty of hope to be found, for the kiddos and the old farts alike.