I’m learning to love my large body, and writing this spoken word piece was a giant step for me. It’s called “Too Big” and I would love to share it with the community that inspires and supports me.

"Too Big" by Beck Cooper (Performed at the Slam New Orleans Women of the Word 2014 Poetry Showcase) 

When he tells you that your body is not ideal,

That it is too big, Do not hear this as a challenge

Swallow your tears and let the coursing wave of salt water force down the vomit, Do not vomit

If the words “too big” echo loudly in your mind,  be mean, make them leave

Do not let him break you, do not concede, you do not need him

Breathe

Ignore the voices that sing sweetly of shrinking, I know what you’re thinking Body heavy, body hideous, will never be loved

We’ve been here before Beck Not the first time you’ve been too big, We both know that this won’t be the last

This body knows too big knows only one side of piggy back rides Knows entire stores that don’t sell its size

This body knows inadequate Knows that fat is the first thing you notice 

What it must be like to blow out a birthday candle or see a shooting star without imagining a life in a smaller body

This body knows shame

Learned it the day it didn’t fit in the roller coaster So you had to exit in front of everyone, How It didn’t feel real 

You choked back tears and smiled Assured friends you wanted them to stay on the ride And as you sat down on the bench outside the exit You made two promises to yourself:

1. Promise that this shame will not define you

2. Promise to skip dinner for the rest of the week

There’s always been two voices Beck, Like a light switch that toggles between best friend and nemesis, There’s usually no in between

You have a tendency to turn on yourself, Could recall stories of playground bullies, But no insults have been more violent than the words out of your own mouth   

Maybe it’s time you lay your fighting words to rest I’m trying to be your own best friend, Beck

Breathe 

Fill your lungs with confidence you’ve earned, Years of learning to love large body culminate in moments like these

You’d tell tearful friends that their beauty is not contingent on his opinion, That “too big” and “not ideal” are trademarks of a coward, So walk the walk, Beck

Your body isn’t his ideal type of body But pathetic has never been your ideal type of personality And besides

You’ve no longer got the time to convince anyone that you’re worthy When he tells you that your body is not ideal, That it is too big, Hear this as too strong, too boisterous, too powerful 

Pick yourself up, Beck Pack up your bags, 

Walk away

Desireé Dallagiacomo - “Thighs” (WOWPS 2014)