Nowhereee! SHHHH Did you know that you're running in circless.. and they didn't warn you that there's no finish line!!!
No one warns you that growing up feels like slowly drowning on dry land.
Every year adds another layer I didn’t ask for; responsibilities, problems, expectations that sit heavy on my chest. I claw my way out of one mess thinking I’ve earned a breath, only to fall straight into another. It’s a cycle that never really ends. Survive. Recover. Repeat. And each round hits harder than the last.
Some days it’s not just tired hmmmm... it’s the kind of exhaustion that lives in your bones. My skin feels too tight, like something inside me is trying to escape. There’s this crawling panic I can’t scratch away, this suffocating pressure that whispers I’ll never catch up. I walk around pretending I’m normal while everything inside me feels like it’s collapsing.
What scares me the most is happiness.
When a small moment of joy slips through, I don’t relax, I brace myself. Because experience taught me that peace is temporary. Every laugh feels like borrowed time. I’m always waiting for the phone call, the bad news, the next problem that will tear through whatever fragile calm I built. Joy feels like a trap. And I hate that my first instinct is to protect myself instead of enjoying it.
Sometimes I wonder if life is just a series of heavier storms pretending to be lessons. Sometimes I wonder how much more I’m supposed to carry before I break.
But somewhere under all the fear and suffocation, there’s a quiet wish I refuse to kill.
I want a day where my chest doesn’t feel tight for no reason. A day where silence isn’t filled with dread. I want to exist without constantly preparing for impact. To sit in the sun and not feel like something is about to take it away.
Maybe that day is far. Maybe it doesn’t come easy.
But I’m still here.
And right now, that’s the only proof I have that I’m surviving this weight even when it feels like it’s crushing me.
