hey :)

my unreliable ass could never be a narrator

are you mad at me? would you like to be

woag! i didnt know that and i already forgoted what you told me

hey. don't cry. 144 ibuprofen capsules in this bottle.

it is what it is *throws up blood*

this isn’t about your little men from your little shows. it’s about ME

People who switch pronouns in songs to no-homo the situation are so funny. The idea literally never even occurred to me as a kid. Couldn’t be me. I am a woman scorned. I am a man who had his heart broken. I am a guy who hates his hometown. I’m a country boy, I’m a city girl. I’m a slut. I’m addicted to cocaine. It’s a song, man.

every show about teenagers should have an on site consultant aged 14-18 who looks over the script and says we would not fucking say that

HEARTBREAKING: Poor girl has to get out of the soft warm bed even though she is so so so so comfy

a dude came into the library stoned out of his mind and was like, “do I need a library card to look at books?” And I said, “to take books home, yes. To look at them, no” and he looked so relieved. bro was staring at a fish encyclopedia for like an hour and then just left.

had a dream where my mom tried to give our Venus fly trap a spoonful of milk and it immediately started hacking and coughing like an adult human man