Thinking out Loud

Lights dance, shadows cast Wandering thoughts place me in the past Still and silent, this moment sways to the

Next

String of moments, minutes, days

And if you reach for me tonight I don't know that you'll find me whole You may be scolded by the contact By the ice, by the cold

I was born with hazel eyes,

a mix of earthy green and brown hues. 

when you look into them, 

you will see humility.  

You were born with blue eyes 

they reflect the colors of a bright, clear sky 

On a sunny, summer day. 

When I look into them, I see no limits. 

We compliment each other, 

I keep you grounded. 

You speak like you know what you know.

We sowed the threads of loving moments we shared together into beautiful garments; 
sweaters. We swore to wear them when we see each other in the cold.

It’s winter when I meet you, but you, you show up in a different cut, 
different color. 
That’s not our sweater.

I ask and you tell me it’s new but you like it better. It’s lighter, slightly brighter, 
our sweater would quickly get too hot to wear. You like the feel of icy wind, it reminds you of home.

I laugh because I never knew that to be true.

And I look into your estranged eyes, instantly growing reminiscent of a flicker of fire that was once always present when I was with you.

When did it fade? 
I thought it would remain lit. 
Grow stronger, 
brighter, 
with me.

You go on to say love is heavy and you’re tired of carrying it around. You’re not the same. I agree.

With tears forming, you turn your head over your left shoulder 
and wipe away your emotions. You stare back at me, eyes absent of any warmth. Stripped bare.

In the solitude that followed, I felt a chill crawl up my spine and it was not caused by the winter weather. My thoughts kept trailing to the winters we weathered together.

Go on, darling. 
I’ll make this easy on you. 
Love isn’t heavy, it’s light liberation. Follow my lead.
 Our memories are not burdens. 
Don’t imagine I’ll be here when you change your mind, winter is not my season.

Embrace the chill blowing your way, face it bear-chested, chase it for a thrill. Our past is a shadow of something incredible and the sun is setting. It will soon all fade away.

A godly glance

Longing to know

To be

With you

At the center

Where we all

Try and take away my choice to choose. Rob me of my liberty. Chain me to your paradigm.

Sobering silence settles in the stillness of the black night.

The moon is nowhere in sight robbed by the full gray gloomy clouds hovering.

There is no trace of your body here, next to me, Serenity.

Was I dreaming? I can not tell. It’s all a blur in my memory. Helplessness, tragedy? *breathe* *be calm* *breathe* Nightmare, or reality? *breathe* *calm your thoughts* *breathe* Memories or fantasies? *breathe* *Forget* *breathe*

*control your thoughts* *breathe*

*Sleep, the sun will peak. Tomorrow is a new day and these ghosts will fade… Eventually.*

My arms are open wide for you but I can’t teach you to fly. I won’t tell you that only birds can soar in the sky.

The Wright brothers found a way. Maybe one day, you will too. I hope so. I’ll pray on my knees that you do.

I’ll invest in your vision to conquer the skies. I'll watch you brighten the night with the light in your heart.

They tell you to shoot for the moon and you’ll land in the stars. 

I say get out of this world, past the moon by a lot. Get out of this universe and create your own world, love.

I'll catch you if you fall.  I'll keep my arms stretched wide open just for you.

I feel a tug at my sleeve. I turn, look down and smile. I squat and stare into giant, youthful amber eyes hiding behind an old book. – “I miss you,” She whispered. I could barely make out her words. Kneeling beside her, my smile widens as I pull her hair behind her ear.

“Baby, I'm here now. For a while I’ll be here.”

Her eyes fill up all at once. Her tears overflow.

“I miss you even when you’re here, Because soon, you'll be gone too.

I love the time we spend together more than you know.

When you leave, I count the minutes till next week. And when you're here, I hold on to every second we have in my heart. I don't want it to end.

I miss you even when you’re here. I know you'll move on but at night I pray you’ll be around this same time next year. That I'll always have you to lean on.

Take my favorite book. Remember me when you begin to forget. I’ll be waiting for you right here in this spot as long as I can help it.“

–

At work the next morning:

“Why do you look so sad?” My coworker asks, his forehead knotted with concern.

“I don’t know,” I respond. And I felt it right there.

A child tugged at my heart strings, piercing my memory with giant, youthful, amber eyes.

Dull, dimm eyes.
 Drifting gaze. 
He was once
 so full of life.
 So full of love, 
of direction.

–-

Today,
 my gaze can not reach 
the world
 I longed to reach.

I’m engulfed in 
darkness 
but surrounded 
by light. 

My feet are frozen. 
Still. 


Moving forward
 is dangerous.
 Sight 
is illusive.

The shadows of 
loved ones 
and lovers 
once danced 
on this ground. They dance 
in my memories now.


My memories 
keep me company. I see them when I close my eyes. I feel them. 
With love, 
came melancholy. 
I guess one 
does not exist 
without the other. I’m learning.

Freedom, 
release,
 awaits me 
in my sleep… Calling my name. 
In my dreams, my shadow dances alongside my loved ones. I’m longing.


–-

He shuts his eyes. 
He lets his dreams 
carry him away.
 He turns his gaze 
inward to reach New Destinations. 

My dear,
 it’s okay to doubt 
a little. 
Every one of us 
does.
 Make out your 
questions, write them down. 
Don’t deny your soul 
its holy 
Quest.

Your faith 
will 
blossom.
 Your gratitude 
will 
bloom. 
Grace 
will graze your heart, 
and mind. 
Bountiful.

Oh, the life you will live,
 the peace you may give,
 when you come to 
faith 
after spending life,
 unfaithful.