CAFFEINATED UNDEAD

I GOT THE BAD FOOD OVER HERE!

Zomburger menu offerings, clockwise from bottom left: Old Jerky, Mystery Fish, Zomburger+💀, Candles, Human Poison, and a vial of Odor to go.

Me: *calls service provider*

It's also hilarious that they're religious; the kids looking at me in confusion when I don't "say grace" or cross myself in unison with the table. Getting glances from my partner, a silent "Don't."

I roll my eyes, my unspoken "Fine." I had promised to behave, be respectful; I'm not allowed to bring up religion or politics.

But then the daughter, pre-school age, tells me she likes my black nail polish and I get to gleefully explain that anyone can wear whatever they want. One of the sons pipes up, he'd like to paint his nails purple. Oh, he absolutely should, that would be fantastic.

I think I hear a rupturing cerebral aneurysm from the end of the table where his father is sitting.

The kids get really excited when they find out I know Pokemon and Minecraft, spending the rest of the evening talking to me about them.