My safe space

my biggest fear? 

never being someone’s priority 

never showing my true self

never having someone know all of me 

never being known to my core 

never feeling safe enough

never being enough

I am so sick of this world 

This cruel, judgmental world

This world who breaks me 

at every freaking turn,

throws me down, hard after 

every single win 

I am so sick of having to 

rebuild my broken pieces 

again again and again 

I am just so sick(tired) of it.

When did “You look weak.” started to sound like a compliment?

Death is not the end

Isn't that what you said?

So then why does it

feel like the end? 

Why has my world stopped with you?

Why hasn’t anyone else's?

Why does it hurt this much?

Why won’t you come back?

Please come back 

Please?

I just need  someone  who can listen, who can take this pain away,  take away this anger and hurt  replace it with love and peace  who can fill this bottomless pit of chaos with serenity  I just need  someone  who can just  stay.

I wait for the future for the adult phase. “Why?” you ask? I wait for the future, for when it finally gets better. for when I can be anyone I want, do anything I want for when I can finally be me. And this world will LIKE ME for ME, and not ask me to change. That’s why, I wait for the future.

I sometimes think 

I don't feel

I don't cry for a lost soul 

I don't miss my love when they're gone 

I see other's hearts filled upto the brim 

While mine seems empty

Its not that people haven't tried to fill this bottomless pit

Its just that I think 

I don't feel

I hate myself for the overthinking 

I hate that it turned out to be true 

I hate that I saw it coming

I hate that I still wasn’t prepared 

for 

the pain 

the hurt

the anger 

the tears 

the loss 

the loneliness 

I hate that I think its my fault 

And lastly 

I hate that I think I deserve it 

I hate it.

Insecurity is my biggest enemy, 

it took its place through my fingers,

clawed its way through my arms, my stomach, my hips, my thighs 

made me twisted up in my brain,

made it hard to get out.

I know I’m not worth this,

but it always comes out stronger than me.