mads

Hey…. Hey… Characters covered in blood, okay? You remember characters covered in blood?? You used to love characters covered in blood

ive invented (note: dubious claim) something i call the bear diet which is mostly fruits and vegetables with fish as the main protein source and something like once a month you eat a few hyperprocessed foods of your liking because that is when you, the bear, raid a dumpster in the suburbs

i have [gestures vaguely] my tendencies

being a teenager is basically just half a decade of "ugh I hate myself I hate my life I hate my parents nothing is fair everyone is mean the world is cruel I'm tired of it!! but idk i guess every teenager has this phase and I'll probably grow out of it and understand when I'm older" and getting older and realizing you should have been even angrier and more violent. And then people forget this as soon as they have kids

Girl whose most frequent mistake is inaction voice: wow I keep making mistakes I better not do anything

Every job application in 2026 is like can you please tell us a bedtime story

If you stay up late to hang out with friends I don’t think you should have to be tired in the morning. I think it should be a freebie

four line sentences are good and okay. its cool. you dont need to end your setnence or that thought! add another comma or an em dash. everything will be okay. it makes sense and flows well. #awesome #mybehemothsentence

being a kid and hearing adults say stuff like "woah 2011 was 4 years ago haha" didn't really convey the fucking horror of a youtube video crossing my recommended labelled "9 years ago" and it's from 2017. that's not true. 9 years ago is 2010 or something. don't lie.

you can bet your ass if completely custom genitalia were a cheap and easy thing i would have a strange and unusual pussy situation

gynecologists HATE this one for its bioluminescent oyster pussy

In salt & vinegar flavour.

I only identified as a lesbian for a very brief period but straight girls do this realllllly bizarre thing where they ask you if you have a crush on them or who you think the hottest girl in a certain group is and get offended if you say no or refuse to answer. It’s like walking on a tightrope over a lake of fire, there is no good answer to give. Inside, you know if you were to say “Yes, I think you’re very attractive, I’m into you.” they would definitely weaponize that against you or treat you like a perv but if you say “No, you’re not my type, I’m not interested in you.” they act soooooooo wounded. And I’m sure some straight girls who do this are not entirely straight and were interested in feeling me out but I do think there are a lot of straight girls who do this as some form of power play. Anyway, it was so weird. And they have the audacity to act like lesbians are sexually inappropriate bullies.