Mythikel's BTS Fiction

Nari - RM's Girlfriend/Wife

Yuna - Suga's Girlfriend/Wife

Kim Namjoon | Wild Flower

Synopsis: What does it take to balance the overwhelming weight of fame and a desire for a peaceful life? To the world he is RM, leader of BTS. But to Y/N he is simply Kim Namjoon. Together they navigate the ever careful balance of what the world can and cannot see. From a first meeting to BTS 2.0 their

Master List

Min Yoongi | Save Me

Synopsis: What started as two producers who couldn't help but clashing at every chance later into something entirely unexpected. When Y/N first had to work with Suga from BTS she was counting down the days until they could be done with one another. Until everything shifted. Now they are navigating love and family life while trying to balance his group's grand comeback.

Master List

Kim Taehyung | Slow Dancing

Synopsis: A misunderstanding, two broken hearts, and the need for a second chance. Y/N had met and fallen for Tae as his group fought for the recognition they deserved. But as their fame exploded, a divide formed between them. Then the dating rumors started and she was not the subject of them. One final misunderstanding was the breaking point. But some feelings never go away. When those feelings simmer and boil over, a second chance is born.

~2021~

“You’ve been seeing this guy for months now and you’re telling me that the two of you haven’t fucked?” 

“Uh, crude.” I said, looking at my friend over our coffees. 

“C’mon, Y/N.” She gave me an incredulous look. 

“Most of the time we’re long distance,so it’s not like we’ve had months physically together.” I rolled my eyes. “His schedule is insane.”

“Excuses.” She shook her head. 

The problem was, she got into my head. So much so that when I was on a video call later with Namjoon he picked up on my weird mood. He was back in Korea, meaning we were long distance again. We had had our share of intimate moments, but we just hadn’t worked up to sex quite yet. I knew he’d been with other people, He’d admitted himself he’d had flings in the past. I’d had relationships myself. So it wasn’t as if either of us were innocent. But our approach to our relationship felt different, more serious, than any I’ve had in the past. It felt as though Namjoon was navigating this with the idea that there could be a real future between us. Because I had made myself quite clear from the gate that I don’t do flings, I wasn’t there to mess around, and I knew what I wanted. I’d just never anticipated what I wanted coming from an internationally famous K-Pop idol. 

“Y/N?” Joon’s voice pulled me out of my thoughts as I shook my head looking back to my phone. I could see the concern in his eyes. “What’s wrong? You seem to be a million miles away.” 

“Sorry,” I sighed, shifting on the couch so that my back was against the arm rest and my knees bent. 

“What’s going on, Jagiya?” His tone was soft but concerned. 

“Is it weird that we haven’t had sex?” I blurted out. 

Namjoon was quiet, then his look of concern shifted to amusement. “Is that what your mood is all about? Where is this coming from?” 

I groaned, feeling silly. “It’s not funny.”

“I’m not laughing. This just isn’t what I expected.”

“I went to coffee with a friend, she got in my head a bit.” I sighed. 

“We’re moving at our own pace with obstacles most couples don’t have to deal with.” his tone softened again. “I don’t want to mess this up. Don’t think I haven’t thought about having you under me, feeling every part of you.” I felt the heat of the blush at his words and he definitely saw it. “But, we have time to discover every part of one another. Why rush?” 

Namjoon had such a way to make me feel more at ease, even when I was so far in my head. I felt myself relaxing at his words as I nodded in agreement. 

The relationship I had with Namjoon was unlike anything I’d ever experienced before. Not just because of who he was, but the way he approached everything. He did his best to keep his public and private lives separate. I wasn’t sure what the future held for us, but we both seemed to be in the same mindset that we wanted something longterm. He was right though, there were obstacles in our way that most normal couples didn’t have to deal with. It was something that we were going to have to learn how to navigate. What I hadn’t realized at the time was that another member had already gone through it and it hadn’t worked out. 

“Come see me.” Namjoon said during one of our calls. 

“It’s not that easy, Joon.” I countered. “Tickets cost money, I’d need to get the time off.” 

He chuckled, “You just worry about getting the time off, leave the finances to me.” 

“You shouldn’t…” 

“I want you to come out, I’ll pay for it. Let me pay for it, Jagiya.” he cut me off and I can hear him smiling. 

How could I argue with him? He was quite persuasive. I managed to talk to the director who was happy to give me the time off. Apparently in her eyes I didn’t take enough time in the years of being their intern and now working for them. She insisted I go see my boyfriend as long as I promised to check out some of the art while I was in Korea. The only other time I had been on an international flight was for a trip to France the summer after I graduated college before I started my graduate program. I already knew that trips to and from Korea were likely going to be a relatively normal thing if things continued the way they were with Namjoon. 

Sitting in the airport I looked around at the other people traveling. I was always curious about other people’s stories. I had already checked my bag and had gotten a coffee. Settled in, I pulled my phone out and saw a text from Namjoon. 

The flight was long, but Namjoon had paid for first class. Which had I known he was going to do that, I would have definitely pushed back. Because despite knowing that he had the money, it felt like too much. Typically he didn’t flaunt his wealth, though I knew even his most casual outfits likely cost more than half my wardrobe. 

Namjoon: I can’t wait to see you.

Me: I’m excited. I’m at my gate now, but boarding isn’t for another hour.

Namjoon: No issues with your ticket or passport?

Me: All’s good.

Namjoon: I’ll see you when you land.

The time was disoriented when I landed. I collected my things and disembarked with the other passengers. Feeling lost, I just followed the crowd. Soon enough we were coming down to where there were people with signs and as I scanned it I spotted my name on one. I walked up to the man with the trim cut hair and sharp features, I didn’t recognize him from any of the interactions I’d had with Namjoon’s security teams. . 

“That’s me,” I pointed to the sign. 

He nodded and after short introductions he lead me down to baggage claim. As soon as I spotted my bag and went to grab it, he moved to take it. He was definitely a man of few words, I wasn’t sure if it was a language barrier or if he just wasn’t chatty. 

I had finally looked up that word, finding out what it he meant. Realizing it was a term of endearment. 

Me: Landed, got my bags, heading to the car now.

Namjoon: See you soon, Jagiya. 

We made our way to a car that was waiting, it was a dark SUV with tinted windows. Before he went to put my things in the back he took my carry on and opened the back passenger door. I was not used to this type of attention so I was a bit distracted that I hadn’t even realized there was someone else in the back seat as I got in. 

“Well, aren’t you going to say hello?” 

I jumped with a squeak of surprise just about the same time the door closed. Namjoon was grinning, sitting there in the back seat. 

“Joon!” I smiled and moved to hug him. “I thought you couldn’t come to the airport.” 

He held me tightly, burying his face into the crook of my neck. “Hi Jagiya.” he murmured.

“He’s stubborn.” The man who had accompanied me through the airport said as he climbed into the passenger seat. 

“At least I didn’t do what Taehyung did picking Hana up.” Namjoon stated. I didn’t know who Hana was because as far as I knew the other guys were all single. 

“Kim Taehyung is the reason I told you that you weren’t going to the airport.” 

“I’m confused, what did he do and who is Hana?” I whispered to Namjoon. 

“Tae’s ex. She flew in for a visit and Tae snuck out to the airport to get her by himself. Nothing actually happened, except he broke about six different security protocols.” He smirked. 

It was late and i was absolutely exhausted. When we got to his place they brought in my things before wishing us both a good night. Namjoon gave me a quick tour. 

“You probably want to shower and go to bed,” He said as he led me down the hall, my bags in tow. 

“Honestly, yes.” I nodded. 

Namjoon led me into the big master bedroom, which the master bath was attached to. Everything was quite modern, though I had to appreciate the art he’d hung throughout his home. 

“Bathroom is right in there, you have free reign of the house.” He smiled looking back at me. I rubbed my eyes and nodded with a small yawn. Namjoon crossed the room back towards me. He rested his large hands on my hips pulling me into him. Leaning down he rested his forehead to mine. “You’re adorable.” 

“I’m jet lagged and frumpy.” I laughed, since I’d traveled in comfy clothes. 

“Adorable.” He countered, his dimples showing as he smiled. “사랑해요.” I love you.

“What does that mean?” I whispered, recognizing it from the day he’d said it when he was half asleep.  

~2022~

Every wound I had tried to stitch up over the last four years had been ripped wide open again because of a moment of passion. After I had told him that my number had never changed, he pulled his phone out to test it. A moment later my phone rang and I realized he’d never deleted it. Only then did he go back to the party. He’ pulled his jacket on, buttoning it, but leaving a low v of his chest showing. Before he closed the door he paused and looked back at me. 

“I never stopped loving you. It’s always been you, Jagiya.” 

As soon as he was gone, I sank down into one of the chairs, running my hand through my hair. It almost felt like I couldn’t breathe. For four years I had bottled up every emotion that was remotely related to Kim Taehyung. Now it felt as though everything was rushing forward, boiling over. I wanted to cry. 

*~*~*~*~*

Tae walked back to the party but he was distracted now more than ever. The feeling of having Y/N back in his arms had every bit of him on fire. What they had done only fueled the flames. When he made it back to the party it was Hobi that found him first. His friend didn’t miss the missing piece of his outfit based on the raised brow. 

“Was that really, Y/N?” He kept his voice down. 

“Yes.” Tae nodded, adjusting his jacket. The two of them conversed quietly in Korean, so they could talk a little more openly considering the American guests around them. 

“Did you get to talk to her?” 

“Yes.” Tae said again. 

Jungkook soon joined them as well, “Was that…” He started and Hobi nodded. The youngest member blinked. 

“Please tell me you’re going to get her back.” Hobi looked back at Tae. 

“Already working on it.” 

*~*~*~*~*

The next morning I lay in bed staring at my phone. Did I want him to call? Was I ready for him to call? I wasn’t sure of the answer of either of those questions. I felt the familiar morning after stiffness from what we had done the night before. A reminder that it had happened. Rough, needy, and passionate. Only because we were acting on four years of feelings rushing forward. I laid back, throwing my arm over my eyes with a groan. I needed to get out of my head. But the moment I had that thought, he called. 

It rang three times before I brought myself to answer it. 

“Hello,” I said quietly. 

“I wasn’t sure if you’d answer.” Tae admitted. 

“I almost didn’t.” I told him. 

“Can I see you, Y/N? Coffee maybe? I want to talk.” 

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea, Tae. Look at what we did last night. That shouldn’t have happened?” 

“Maybe not. But we were never a bad idea, Y/N.” He kept his voice low and soothing. 

I wanted to say no, i wanted to slam that door shut again and lock it. Because I still didn’t think I was cut out to be in his life. I hadn’t handled it before, who was to say I could handle any of it now. But instead, I found myself nodding. “Okay, coffee sounds fine.” 

That was how I found myself waiting outside a cafe not far from my place. I felt like I was back in the summer of 2016 when I’d first met Tae. I hadn’t really known who he was back then, I was a broke college kid working waitressing gigs to pay for school. I didn’t have time for pop culture, not when I was living to reach a dream. All I had known wsa this insanely handsome but awkward guy had asked for my number. The realization of who he was hit hard and fast, but it hadn’t mattered. We made it a year and a half before I broke. 

Tae walked up, he had a baseball cap on with basketball shorts and a baggy shirt. He looked like any other guy walking down the street, definitely didn’t scream V from BTS. Casual, no pressure. I had his shirt from the night before folded nicely and in a bag to give back to him. 

“Hey,” I smiled nervously. 

“Hi. You want to get coffee and walk? Or would you prefer to find somewhere to sit?” 

“Walk.” I said, knowing that neither of us were likely going to be able to sit still. “There’s a park a few blocks away.” I motioned down the street. 

“Okay,” he nodded.

We went inside and ordered. I went to give my usual order when he recited it as if he’d been ordering it for me every day. Then he realized that maybe that wasn’t my order as he quickly looked over to me. 

“That’s right,” I nodded, blushing. 

Once we had our drinks, we headed down the street towards the park. At first neither of us were talking. I sipped at my drink, it felt strange to be walking again with Tae after all this time. 

“About last night…” I started, watching my feet as we walked. 

“I don’t regret that it happened, even if you say it shouldn’t have.” He said, tilting his head back towards the warmth of the sun. “I’ve missed the feel of you.” 

“I hurt you, Tae. I don’t understand why you’re here now looking to talk it out.” I sighed. 

He looked over at me, his expression almost unreadable. “Because I want you back, Jagiya.” Plain, simple, straight forward.

I felt the way his words caused those simmering emotions to surge up again. Feelings that never went away, that I’d just been pushing back for years. Feelings that had made dating impossible. Because when you compare every man to your first love and they just don’t stand up to that standard, you just give up. I knew that I had hurt him by breaking things off. I had hurt both of us. 

“I don’t know if I’m cut out for what dating you entails, Tae.” I admitted, shaking my head. “It scares me. Because my heart wants one thing but my mind and gut tell me I’m not good enough.” 

“Things wll be different.” Tae said and I heard something unrecognizable in his tone. “We’re going on hiatus. It will become public when our Festa dinner is posted later this week.” 

This caused me to stop and look at him. “What? But you guys…” 

“It’s a hiatus from group activities. We’re posing it as an opportunity to focus on solo work and grow as individuals. But our military service requirements are approaching as well. We’re not addressing that yet.” he paused to look at me, “It means more time for us to figure things out.” 

“I’m not sure we can pick up where we left off.” 

“Last night happened. That felt like where we left off.” I caught the way the corner of his mouth twitched and the mischief in his eyes. This earned him a small huff and an eye roll, which only made that twitch turn into a full smirk. “Are you going to deny that last night felt good?” 

“It stirred up a lot, Tae.” I admitted. “Did you mean what you said? Before you went back to the party.” 

“Yes.” It was a firm answer with no hesitation. “I never stopped loving you, jagiya. It has always been you.” 

“What if I can’t do it? What if I screw us up again?” My heart was racing. 

Taehyung moved to stand in front of me. I was still looking at my feet but he tilted my chil up to meet his eyes. “Do you love me?” 

“Yes, I love you.” 

He leaned in, pressing a tender kiss to my lips. No one was around in the park we’d walked to. Not that I thought the average person might pick out the fact that V from BTS was kissing some woman in the park. But you never knew where Army lurked sometimes. The kiss was soft, gentle. Unlike the kiss that had unleashed what had happened the night before. I knew what he was doing, he was trying to coax me out of the shell I’d taken refuge in. As he pulled away, his lips brushed against mine with one final question:

~2022~

Yoongi had stayed the entire week that Nari was visiting Namjoon. Our conversation from that first night constantly played back in my mind. It did nothing to quell the feelings that had been forming for the Idol. I was in no state to be even considering anything. Nari insisted that I shouldn’t shut him out, be open to him. The thing was he had already become a safe haven for me. A rock so to speak. But I was scared for a whole variety of reasons. The biggest one being I just got out of an abusive relationship. It wasn’t healthy to jump right into something else. 

A couple of months went by, I got the apartment that had opened in Nari’s building. I wanted to be back on my own but it was a comfort to have my new friend as a neighbor. Yoongi and I maintained daily contact. I had picked up some projects that I was excited about and networking. Things were… comfortable. 

The guys had the release of their anthology album which included the promotions for. One of those was a release party that both Nari and I received invites to. I had been to plenty of them but this was a bit different from those. Because I was personally involved with one of the group members. Maybe nothing official yet, but Yoongi and I were dancing along that line. Yoongi had said he wanted me to heal and he was willing to wait. I couldn’t wrap my head around why he would want to wait for me knowing I was damaged. Because that was how I saw myself. 

A car had been sent for us. Nari kept smoothing out the front of her dress, I assumed it was a nervous tick. 

“I’ve been to plenty of these before, just relax and have fun.” I reassured her. 

“What if I screw up? What if I slip up about Joon and I?” 

“You guys have been navigating this for a year now, Nari. You’re overthinking,” I said gently but smiled. 

“I don’t normally go to anything related to the group though, except maybe performances. Those are easy to blend at, act like a fan. There won’t be fans here.” 

“You guys are pretty serious, I wouldn’t be surprised if he doesn’t want to bring you to more of these events. The thing is, people in the industry will know about a relationship. It’s the public that can’t know.”

Nari and I both knew some big changes were coming though. It hadn’t been announced yet, but the discussions were happening. Indefinite hiatus from group activities, solo projects, and military service. Yoongi had spoken with me about it at length because it seemed like he needed someone on the outside of it all. Four days, and it would be public.

“We are,” She nodded, fiddling with a bracelet I’m pretty sure Joon had given her. “What about you and Yoongi… how are things going?” 

“Nothing is happening,” I shook my head. “We’re friends right now. I’m in no place to be in a relationship.” 

“You two act like a couple.” She teased. “Sometimes I think the two of you talk more than Joon and me.” 

“I like him Nari, as in yes… I have feelings. I know he does, too. But it’s barely been six months since… I don’t want to fuck it up.” 

“If it was anyone else, I’d say don’t do it. But it’s Yoongi.” Nari smiled. “He was there for the fall out, he knows to handle with care.” 

“And that’s exactly what he’s doing.” I smiled.

We arrived almond with most of the other guests, the guys would join later. We both knew they were putting on a front considering the news coming up. Nari had mentioned that Namjoon seemed tense about even having this event. They were being pushed to go on as if nothing was going on behind the scenes. 

Nari had excused herself to go to the bathroom and I went to find something to drink. I planned to stick closer to her for the night in hopes of helping her feel more at ease. I had been to several of these types of events, though never for a group as big as Yoongi’s. Working with him on that track when we first met, it had been a big deal for me because of what it meant for my career. I hadn’t anticipated what it’d do to my personal life as well. 

When the guys entered everyone turned their attention towards them. I easily found Yoongi and smiled as our eyes met. He had that look about him, that he was taking everything in, but I saw the way his eyes smiled slightly at finding me. I knew Nari was right. If was anyone else it’d be easy to deny that there was anything actually meaningful there. But it was Yoongi. 

The guys made their rounds doing what they had to do, their media training kicking in. Nari and I mingled with other guests as well. I was hyper aware of Yoongi watching me throughout the night. I knew it wasn’t meant as control like it would have been with my ex. At one point Nari and I were off to the side. I saw Nari’s gaze shift and followed it to where Namjoon was talking to a woman I’d seen earlier. 

“I met her in the bathroom,” Nari said. “They look like they know each other.” 

I didn’t know Namjoon as well, but I did see the way he seemed relaxed with the woman. He looked almost surprised, too. The woman on the other hand seemed fine too until something Namjoon had said, then she clearly tensed. It was hard to miss. We couldn’t hear any of what was being said, only able to go off body language. She said something then Namjoon looked up. His expression softened and he smiled when he found Nari. He winked at her before turning his attention back to the woman in front of him. 

“I think they’re talking about you,” I smirked, teasing Nari. “He must know her somehow.” 

As the night went on Nari seemed to relax and enjoy herself. At one point I had excused myself to get some water. Yoongi approached me as I left the bar. 

“Water?” He smiled. 

“One drink is enough for me, I had champagne earlier.” I nodded. 

“Are you having fun?” 

“I am, I’ve been trying to help Nari be comfortable. I think she’s a bit overwhelmed.” I laughed softly. “Can’t blame her, honestly.” Sipping my water I looked up at him, “Are you enjoying yourself?” 

“It’s bittersweet,” he admitted quietly. 

“Do you want to–” I was cut off by the approach of someone.

“Ah, Suga. There you are.” the boisterous man smiled. “And who is this lovely lady?” As he said it, he put his hand on my shoulder. My entire body tensed and Yoongi immediately picked up on it. 

“This is Y/N. She’s a producer I worked with while in New York,” His eyes don’t leave me, i feel a coldness running through me and don’t realize it’s my body trying to go into fight of flight. “She doesn’t like to be touched.” He said as politely as possible, but I could hear the slight edge to his tone. 

“Oh, my apologies, miss.” He smiled and his words sounded genuine. “Is this a project that will be coming out soon?” he asked. 

“You’re okay,” I half lied then nodded. “Hopefully by the fall it will be released.” 

We talked for a few minutes but I could tell the man was more interested in talking with Yoongi so I excused myself to go find Nari. As I walked away though I pulled out my phone to text him what I’d been about to ask. 

Me: Do you want to come over tonight?

There was a loud crash and the whole room went quiet. I turned much like everyone else had and saw the source of the noise. The woman we’d seen talking with Namjoon and a waitress had collided. WIne and Champagne had gone everywhere and they both moved to clean up. But then something else happened. The woman literally froze when she looked up. I tried to figure out what might cause such a reaction especially as she darted out of there. That was when I saw Taehyung moving through the crowd almost as if he was following her. After that, they were both gone for a considerable amount of time.

My phone buzzed as the night was drawing to a close. A simple answer that needed no explanation.

~2026~

After the guys made their grand entrance I made my way out to find a spot to watch. The guys seemed to be bouncing back from what had happened during soundcheck, finding their groove. I loved watching them on stage. But one thing about this tour was the fact that they were just having fun. There were moments of choreography and then there were times where they were just bouncing around on stage. 

Knowing what it meant to them to all be back together, I felt like I was getting Namjoon back. Enlistment had been hard on him and the past year had been an adjustment. Which was why I hadn’t been entirely surprised by the call from Jin. The guys truly looked at home back on that stage. After taking some time to work on solo work, grow, complete their enlistments, they were back. They knew it and their fans knew it. 

Every show was electric. I took a video of Yoongi all smiles and sent it to his wife. 

Yuna: I love seeing him that happy on stage.

Me: It’s good to see them all this way. 

I also caught a good image of Tae and sent it to his long term girlfriend, Hana. 

Me: You going to join us on tour? Make it a family affair?

Hana: I’ll see you guys in Stanford! 

Me: Good! We miss you.

Hana: Keeping the guys in line?

Me: Just mine. The others aren’t my responsibility, haha

All of us had a relatively good friendship. It was a bonding that happened when your relationships had to be kept so private. To have friends that understood. Hana understood that all too well, considering her past with Taehyung. We were also prepared for whenever we might be met with one of the other guys bringing a new girl into the fold. I knew Jungkook was talking with someone, but I wasn’t sure if he’d told anyone else yet. 

One would think after the show the guys would be exhausted, but they were still running on adrenaline. I was waiting backstage as they came back. Namjoon immediately honed in on me and smirked. 

I threw my hands up, taking a step back. “Don’t you dare, Joon.” 

That man did not listen as he caught me in two easy strides. He was sweaty, gross, and knew damn well what he was doing. I let out a squeal of protest as he lifted me up in a bear hug. The other guys laughed with him. All I could do was give in to my fate. 

We went back to the hotel where food was waiting. Namjoon, Jin, and Tae planned to go live post concert. So as soon as we got back he took a quick shower to rinse off. 

“The guys are coming here to do the live,” Namjoon said as he came over to sit on the edge of the bed. “Sorry, Jagiya.”

“I don’t mind, just means I can listen here instead of watching online,” I joked. I knew the guys enjoyed hopping onto the lives. “I can avoid all the crazy comments,” I smirked. He shot me a playful glare but didn’t say anything else to that. 

Shortly after Jin and Tae had come and food was delivered. I snagged a plate before they got onto the live. Going back to the bed they were setting up in the front part of the suite. I was in the middle of reading a book, so I had plenty to keep me busy. I didn’t need Namjoon’s attention at all times, I was quite capable on my own. Soon enough I heard them getting online. It was just another part of their lives, but one I knew they enjoyed. The fans had always been important to them. While sometimes other groups it felt like it was just the job, the guys always did their best to connect. 

I could hear the three of them talking as I sat back with my book propped up on my bent knees. I wasn’t really reading, instead listening to them talk. So much had happened in the last few years, but it felt like things were exactly how they needed to be. They talked casually while they ate. It was a short live, only about fifteen minutes before they turned it off. But it was all they needed.

When the guys were done, Namjoon called out to let me know the live had ended. I went out to join the three of them and Jin moved to let me sit on the couch with Namjoon. 

“I talked to Hana earlier,” I told Taehyung. ”She said she’s meeting up in Stanford?”

“Yeah.” He nodded. “She’s still splitting her time between California and Seoul.” 

“When are you two going to get married?” Namjoon asked. 

“We’ve talked about it. But to go right from Enlistment to working on the album, to tour…” He sighed. “Complicates things.” 

I knew what he meant, she either needed to be in Korea on a valid visa or he needed to be in the states living with her for a solid 90 days. We hadn’t run into that because I’d made the move through a collaboration with a museum in Korea to be closer to Namjoon shortly before his enlistment. Which meant I was there whenever he had leave, making those eighteen months a bit easier for both of us. 

“Things seem to be going well though,” Namjoon commented. 

“We’ve been back together now longer than we were broken up.” Tae nodded, and I didn’t miss the small smile. They did make a good couple and I was glad they'd found one another again.

The guys finished eating then cleaned up before Jin and Taehyung headed back to their own rooms. I could see that day was catching up to him. “C’mon, let’s get some sleep so you can do it all over again tomorrow.” I smiled at him. 

The morning was a bit lazy, they didn’t need to be down at the stadium as early. Being a beautiful day, Namjoon went out on the balcony to read. It was one of the ways he liked to start his mornings when he could afford to. I made some coffee for both of us and went out to join him. He was engrossed in what he was reading and simply reached out for the cup that I had set down next to him. Second nature, I moved the cup closer for him, his hand catching it and he brought the mug to his lips. I smirked and shook my head. We had lost our fair share of mugs from that exact scenario. 

“여보 고마워요” Thank you, honey. He hadn’t looked up, but I saw the dimples of his content smile. 

“천만에요” You’re welcome. Switching between English and Korean had become second nature of the last five years. 

~2022~

As he got older, these events became easier to navigate. The problem was, while it wasn’t publicly known, it was likely this would be one of their last release parties as a group. They had been discussing an indefinite hiatus to explore their solo careers. Taehyung had already been working on some of his solo work and Hobi was ready to release his soon. But no one knew yet. 

Tae made his way around mingling with the guests. He saw the way Namjoon and Yoongi both watched the women in their lives from a distance. He was reminded of when that was him. Y/N had been such a big part of his life for a year and a half. They had been young, but they had loved one another. She wasn’t famous, she’d been a waitress at one of these types of events. He’d been off to the side avoiding a member of one of the girl groups in attendance and they had struck up a conversation. She’d been sweet and witty, not intimidated by the fact that he was part of BTS. They had just been starting to get really recognized for their work at the time. Hesitantly he’d asked to exchange contact info, knowing it was risky. Someone could easily try to take advantage. But not her. He’d hid his communications with her for three months before finally opening up to some of the others that he’d been talking to her. Things had just sort of taken off from there. 

Everything had been great, until it wasn’t. The rumors had started small. He wasn’t even sure where they had come from. But then they had just gotten bigger, more people latching onto them. Everything had boiled over after someone had snapped a picture of him and another woman at an awards show they’d attended. She’d had something in her eye and he’d been trying to help. The picture had been at the perfect angle to make it look like something much more intimate. Tae had known that Y/N was struggling with the rumors, he’d consistently reassured her, but that picture seemed to be her breaking point. 

Y/N was always at the back of his mind. He’d never moved on from her, instead he just focused on the group. But now even that felt like it may possibly come to an end. 

Taehyung’s thoughts were interrupted by the loud crash. It was enough to draw everyone’s attention as a hushed silence fell over the room. Even he looked. That was when he saw her. Part of him thought maybe he was imagining because he’d just been thinking of her. But as she looked up and their eyes met, he knew he wasn’t imagining anything. For a moment she froze before suddenly she’d said something to the waitress then she was darting off. Tae moved through the crowd to follow her out of the event room into the hall. When he found her she was so clearly flustered taking in the state of her dress. He knew that he might scare her off, but he didn’t want her to run. Not when he finally had her in front of him again. For the first time in four years. 

*~*~*~*~*

“I never thought I’d see you again,” Taehyung’s voice was low. He kept his distance, but his dark eyes never left me. 

“Tae…” I shook my head. I smoothed out the front of my ruined dress, shivering slightly under the AC. 

“C’mon,” he held his hand out to me. I shook my head again. “You’re soaked, Y/N. Just come with me, please?” 

Finally I took the step forward, but I didn’t take his hand. Instead, I tucked my arms around myself. We walked back to what would typically be a bridal suite when the venue was used for weddings, but I knew it had been a space for the guys to go. I’d designated that in my planning. The others were still at the party but their previous presence was noticeable. 

Taehyung shrugged off his suit jacket, laying it over the back of one of the chairs. I watched as he unbuttoned the cuffs of his sleeves then moved to pull his shirt off but I stopped him. 

“What are you doing?” I frowned. 

“Giving you something dry to wear.” He stated, as if that were obvious. 

He was killing me. To go from four years of no contact to this. He pulled his shirt off then held it out to me. I hesitated before taking it. I could feel the warmth in my cheeks as I tried not to look at him, but it was hard. It wasn’t as if I hadn’t seen him in such a state before, or less. Nor was it as if I’d never worn his clothes before. But that had been when we were together. We had been twenty one and twenty two, but so naive in thinking that we could handle a relationship that young with so much pressure from outside forces. Pushed and pulled by the need for privacy and his growing fame. 

I slipped behind the screen at the corner of the room and shimmied out of my wine and champagne soaked dress. His shirt covered everything it needed to. When I came back out he turned back to me and paused. I didn’t miss the way his eyes took in the sight of me in his shirt with my heels. 

“I’ve missed seeing you in my clothes,” he said, the corner of his mouth twitching in a small smirk. Then he held out his hand again, “Give me your dress.” 

I handed him the dress then followed him as he went to the sink and started to run some water before submerging the dress. I doubted what he was doing would actually do anything for the dress, but I also knew better than to argue with him when he got an idea in his head. I needed to put space between us and moved back into the main part of the suite. I brought the collar of his shirt up taking in the scent of him. It brought back so many memories and feelings. But again, it was all tainted by the bitter end of our relationship. I was lost in my thoughts and hadn’t heard him come back in. He always had a knack for that. 

“I never cheated on you.” 

Those words, they might have seen out of no where. He had had no lead up, he’d just said it out right. It was enough to make me turn and look at him. I pressed my lips together, taking in a deep inhale through my nose. It was all an attempt to hold back the tears that already stung my eyes just from the memories. How could I tell him that I already knew. 

“You ran away from me. I never got to tell you.” 

“I know…” I finally said, bringing my eyes up to meet his. 

“Then why…” He looked confused, hurt. 

“Because at the time I really thought what I saw was the truth. I was young, scared, hurt.” I shook my head. “My the time I realized I was being irrational, it was too late. But I also thought that maybe it was for the better.” I paused. “Maybe I wasn’t cut out to be with you…” I whispered. 

I could see that he was trying with every ounce of will power to stay where he stood and not come closer. I knew we were quite the sight, him shirtless, me wearing his shirt with my heels. 

“I loved you, Y/N.” 

Loved. Past tense. I knew it was likely the case, that he would have moved on. But it didn’t help the heartache I felt at hearing it. 

“I will always love you, Tae.” I told him, “Even if life…” 

I’m cut off, because as the words left my lips he’d closed the space between us. I gasped as his lips found mine. My brain screamed that this was a mistake, but my body reacted. I pressed in against him, the kiss fueled my years of emotions and memories. We moved until the back of my legs hit the vanity. He lifted me up, all without the kiss fully breaking. My legs instinctively hooked around his hips. The feel of him was so familiar, my body craved him. 

It should have never happened. We were both coming down from the adrenaline of what we had just done when his phone went off across the room. A one night stand with an ex, that was what this would need to be. At least that was what I was telling myself. I wasn’t sure just how long we’d been missing from the party, but we needed to get back. Or at least, he did. 

“You need to go back, Tae.” I said as I slipped off the vanity and readjusted myself. 

“Only if you promise me one thing,” He said, fixing his belt. 

“Tae…”

“Let me call you. Don’t disappear on me again.” 

“This is a bad idea, Taehyung.” I shook my head. “This,” I motioned between us, “Should have never happened tonight.” 

“Four years, Jagiya. Four years I’ve given you what you wanted.” My heart ached at the name. 

I sighed. My brain continued to scream no, but my wounded heart was winning as I gave in.

~2018~

The rumors were everywhere. I sat staring at my phone, the picture was blurry but it was so clearly Taehyung leaning into another woman. I easily recognized his build and hair. It had to be from the event he had been at the prior weekend. The picture was circulating in all the fan spaces. Tae had been trying to call me for the last hour but I kept just sending him to voicemail. The rumors weren’t new but this… this wasn’t a rumor. This was something else. 

My phone buzzed again but this time it was a text. I brought myself to look at it seeing a different name in the sea of notifications. 

I wanted it to be a misunderstanding. I wanted to believe that was all it was. But then even if it was, I was beginning to realize that maybe I wasn’t cut out for this. They were on the rise to fame, getting everything that they’d fought for. I was having trouble seeing how I actually fit into all of it. He had reassured me through the start of the rumors. He’d promised that that was all they were. Yet seeing these photos, it wasn’t how it felt. 

Namjoon: Y/N, are you okay? Tae is freaking out thinking something happened. You’re not answering his calls?

Me: He’s not taking the hint. I don’t want to talk to him. 

Namjoon: I don’t understand.

Me: I’ve seen the pictures, Joon.

Namjoon: You need to talk to him, Y/N. 

Me: No.

My phone lit up again, it was Tae again. I felt the threat of tears as I stared at his picture as my phone buzzed. In it he was making a silly face, sticking his tongue out. I loved him and my heart was breaking. Maybe I was using this as an out, thinking that I wasn't strong enough to be with him. Finally I answered. 

“I don’t think I can do this anymore, Tae.” 

“What… Y/N, what are you talking about?” 

“Us… It’s not working.” I heard my voice crack, felt the sting of tears. 

“Y/N, can we please talk about this? Please, Jagiya.” 

“No Taehyung. I saw the pictures, I know the rumors. I can’t…. I just can’t do this.” 

~2022~ 

Some loves stay with you, and so does the heartbreak of it ending. I can’t say that I ever got over Tae and as their group continued to gain momentum it was hard to avoid seeing his image. I was proud of him, seeing that he and his group were accomplishing. They were getting the recognition they deserved. The dating rumors seemed to have died down over the last couple of years. Occasionally one sparked, but it seemed to fizzle out quickly. I had cut contact with all of the guys after the break up because it had hurt too much. Besides, they were his brothers first. Maybe not by blood but they were his family. 

In the last four years I had finished my degree and started my event planning business. Things were going good, at least on that front. On the dating front, not so well. But my work kept me busy enough. 

I sat looking at the contract on my desk for an upcoming event. It was a US release party but the group's name hadn’t been given until now that the contract was in front of me. My heart sank, I almost considered backing out, but I also knew what this could mean for my business. After those considerations passed I had the fleeting thought of reaching out to Tae. But I was quick to shut that down. It had been four years. I was sure that he’d moved on. Because if he was dating, it wouldn’t be public. I wondered how all of them were doing before realizing, I was about to be back in the same room as all of them. 

Being BTS did not change the standards I had with my business. I always had exceptionally high standards that I expected to be met by staff and vendors. It was what had been giving me the name in the industry. 

The night of the event I was dressed elegantly but professionally in a dress. I checked in with my vendors and staff, making sure that everything was in place before the guests started to arrive. A guest list had been given and I ensured that Security had the most up to date version. Everything was falling into place. But I needed to keep myself busy because I felt the bubbling anxiety over the fact that it was very likely I would be crossing paths with Taehyung tonight. 

As soon as the guests began to arrive I found myself scanning the room. Of course, the guys weren’t there yet. They weren’t due for a little bit. I took a moment to go collect my thoughts. In the bathroom there was another woman fixing her make up. She looked as nervous as I felt. 

“Oh sorry, I’m in your way,” she quickly apologized before scooting down to give me room. 

“Oh, you’re fine.” I smiled. “Are you okay?” 

She seemed to hesitate as though she were picking her words carefully. “Oh, uh… Yeah.” She nodded. “Just a bit nervous. I’m here for…” She trailed off. I recognized those hesitations. I used to have to do the same if I went to any public facing events. There weren’t many, but whenever it was somewhere I could blend into the crowd. I wondered which of the guys she was there for, if I was reading her right. 

“Just have fun,” I smiled. “It might be promotional in nature, but these events are still meant to be fun.” I reassured her. 

“Thank you,” She smiled. “I do events for the museum I work at, but those are small scale compared to this.” 

“Oh, what museum?” I asked. “Ah, Local, I’ll have to keep an eye and check one out.” I smiled at her when she’d told me what museum. 

Everything was going smoothly, I was doing my best to keep my nerves in check. When the guys arrived it was surreal. I hadn’t seen any of them in four years. Not much had changed, maybe their hair. Namjoon lead them in and they greeted people. My eyes bounced from each of them until they landed on Tae. 

Just seeing him, I felt the way my heart jumped. All the memories came rushing back. My breath caught and I had to turn away. Suddenly my mission for the night became to avoid him at all costs. The way every part of me reacted just to seeing him, I wasn’t sure how I would handle being close or even talking to him. Because along with all the good memories came the ache of our end as well. 

I kept myself busy making sure that things continued to go smoothly. At one point I was straightening a bouquet, more to keep my hands busy than anything. 

“Y/N?” I recognized that voice. I turned and found myself looking up at Kim Namjoon. 

“Hi Joonie,” I said, letting the casualness slip. 

“What are you doing here?” He was smiling.

“My company is putting on the event. I didn’t know it was you guys until the final contract came across my desk.”

He frowned, “Would it have influenced anything had you known?” 

“No,” I admitted. 

“Does Taehyung know you’re here?” He asked carefully. 

“Did you?” I asked, brow raised. I saw that familiar dimple as he smirked because he realized if he hadn’t Tae definitely wouldn’t have. “How are you Joon?” I asked, trying to shift the subject. His expression softened and I saw the way his eyes wandered. I followed his gaze spotting the woman from the bathroom, standing with another woman who she seemed to be at ease with. 

“Good, real good actually.” Someone called out to him and his attention shifted. “I have to go… It was good to see you, Y/N. You should say hi to Tae.” 

“I can’t, Namjoon.” I said quietly. “Don’t tell him I’m here.” 

Namjoon went to say something but his name was called out again. He gave a small nod and excused himself. 

I spent the rest of the night trying to avoid the guys, stick to the outer rim of the party, and just make sure things went according to plan. I was hyper aware of Taehyung being in the room. Which meant I was distracted. I wasn’t paying attention and ran right into a waitress with an entire tray of champagne and wine. The crash it resulted in drew pretty much every eye in that room. 

“Are you okay?” I was quick to check on my waitress who was apologizing profusely. “No, this is my fault.” I reassured her. My dress was ruined with the red wine, but that didn’t matter. I looked up and across the room my eyes locked with his. “I’m sorry, I need to go.” I said to the girl as others came to help us clean up. It felt so unprofessional and I was breaking every professional standard I tried to uphold. 

I escaped from the main hall, getting out into the hall. I looked down at my ruined dress. Not even the dry cleaners would likely be able to salvage it. None of that mattered though. I was trying to clear my head. Failing miserably I might add. Thing was, my feelings for Taehyung had never gone away, they always simmered. Finding myself in just the same room as him set every nerve and fiber of my being on fire. I should have delegated to someone else, I should not have been there knowing he’d be there. All the what ifs, should haves, could haves… I needed to set my head straight and get back to work. But that wasn’t going to happen when I heard that all too familiar deep voice. The one that had soothed and grounded me many times before. 

~2022~

When Yoongi showed up at the door, I felt relieved at not being alone. It was completely unexpected but the fact that he was at the door and hadn’t needed to be buzzed in… Nari had to have known. 

“Are you staying at a hotel nearby?” I asked as he followed me into the apartment. 

“No, I’m staying here. I’ll sleep on the couch.” 

I blinked as I processed what he was saying. “Okay… Are you sure that you’ll be comfortable sleeping on the couch?” 

“I’ve slept in worse places than Nari’s couch.” he said plainly. 

Sometimes it was so hard to read his expression. I finally nodded, “I’ll get some blankets and a pillow.” 

I went to the closet where I knew Nari kept extra blankets. When I didn’t see any extra pillows I went and grabbed one of mine for him. Before going back, I sat on the edge of the bed and grabbed my phone.

I went back out to find Yoongi right where I left him on the couch. He was looking at his phone, but as soon as I walked in he tucked it away. 

Me: Yoongi is here.

Nari: I know, he left shortly after I got here.

Me: Was this planned?

Nari: Not with me. I think for him it was though.

Me: But he had the code.

Nari: Because when i realized where he was going, I gave it to him. 

Me: Why is he doing this?

Nari: GIrl, you’re blind if you don’t see it. 

Nari: That man has it so bad for you.

Me: We’re just friends. 

Nari: Sure, Y/N. ‘Just friends’ fly fourteen hours to make sure their ‘friend’ feels safe and isn’t alone. A couple hours, maybe. But an international flight, putting his schedule on hold? No way.

Nari: He’s not your ex, Y/N. 

“I have some blankets here. I had to grab one of my pillows so I hope you don’t mind. I might be able to find a clean pillow case for it.” 

“It’s fine, Y/N.” he said standing up and taking the pile of linens from me. 

That first night was awkward, mostly because I didn’t know what to make of it. What Nari had said kept running around my head. However, unlike the first night that Nari was gone, I actually slept through the night. 

Yoongi was already up and dressed by the time I had emerged from my room. I figured he might still be asleep after all the travel the previous day. 

“Morning,” I said, a bit embarrassed by my bedhead. 

“How did you sleep?” He looked up at me. 

“Really good, actually. You?” I still felt awkward and I wasn’t entirely sure why. 

“I slept.” he shrugged. “Would you like to go get coffee?” 

“Yeah, sure. I just need to shower first.” I was already holding my fresh clothes as I’d been on the way to the bathroom to begin with. He simply nodded and I continued on my way. 

“Y/N.” I turned when he said my name. “You don’t have to be shy that I'm here.” 

“I’m not shy, Yoongi. I’m just… trying to figure some things out.” I said softly. 

*~*~*~*~*

“I’m flying Nari in next week for a visit.” Namjoon announced over lunch. “She was able to get the time and I can adjust my schedule.” 

Yoongi listened to his friend’s announcement. The guys all loved Joon’s girlfriend. She seemed to center him in a way that they hadn’t seen in a long time. It was a way for him to step out of the spotlight. Nari had also been doing him a big favor by letting Y/N stay with her until she got on her feel after moving cross country. 

“What’s Y/N doing?” he found himself asking. Yoongi didn’t miss the way some of the others glanced at him. By now, they all knew what had happened in New York. 

“I think just staying at the apartment?” Joon said carefully, almost as if he were confused by the question. 

Yoongi immediately pulled out his phone and started looking at flights. He couldn’t blame Nari or Namjoon for wanting to steal what time they could together. Especially as they were coming up on a year together. But the idea of Y/N being alone after everything. He knew it’d affect her even if she wouldn’t outright say it. 

Quietly, Yoongi made the arrangements. Which included adjusting his own schedule. He left the afternoon Nari had arrived. 

“You’re not going to be here during my visit?” Nari asked, surprised. 

Yoongi shook his head, “I’m going to go see Y/N.” He didn’t miss the way she smiled, like she knew something he didn’t. “Please don’t tell her I'm coming, I don’t want her to try and stop me.” 

“I’ll text you the code to get into the building.” 

That was how he found himself sleeping on Nari’s couch. Y/N had been surprised by his arrival, but he’d seen something else in her expression. Relief. They talked all the time, more than one might think or that he let onto with the others. He knew that she was finding some comfort in their friendship. 

*~*~*~*~*

After my shower we headed to a cafe that wasn’t far from Nari’s apartment. Cafes were on every corner, but this one was my favorite. Yoongi had a hat, but did little else to conceal himself. Even in the early hours of morning he got decaf, but I now knew why. We got our coffees and took our time walking back towards Nari’s apartment. 

“Have you started looking for a place of your own?” He asked, breaking the silence. 

“Yeah, I have a few prospects. I did put an application in for one.” I nodded. “But nari found out there might be an opening in her building, so I am going to meet with them sometime next week.” After the way things had been going with Nari gone, I was actually a little nervous being on my own. 

“Being in the same building, having Nari near by, that would be good.” Yoongi nodded. “If you need any help, furnishing, with the deposit, any of that. I’ll help.” 

“You don’t have to,” I knew he was being genuine though. My mind went back to what Nari had been saying. About what he had said when he’d shown up the night before and everything he had done for me since the day I’d made that call. I kept telling myself I couldn’t let it happen. 

“You’re lost in thought.” He commented, breaking me out of the mental spiral. 

“I am…” I said with a small frown as I looked down. “Yoongi, I feel like I’m drowning after everything that happened. You’re keeping me afloat, your friends are helping… but it all comes back to you.” I paused, “I am afraid of how I'm feeling right now.” I whispered. 

“How are you feeling, Y/N?” He prompted. 

“Like I could fall for you.” I said finally looking up at him. “But I’m afraid that it’s just because I’m dealing with this trauma and you were the one there. I’m in no place to be developing feelings for someone.” 

This caused Yoongi to pause. I stopped as well, dropping my gaze. 

“I care about you, Y/N. I will never pressure you for something more… I want to see you heal.” 

“Yoongi…” I didn’t know what I wanted to say, but what he had left to say did nothing to help whatever these feelings were that bubbled below the surface. 

~2021~

Namjoon had to return to Korea, which meant we were now long distance. The hardest part of it was the adjustment to the different timezones. I knew that this would be part of it, but it was still an adjustment. He was now sixteen hours ahead. I had to add a widget to my phone so that it showed me what time it was in Seoul. It was very helpful to have. Most of our communication was through text, but when we could we talked on the phone. With their promotions for their upcoming release, they were all over the place. 

One afternoon I was talking with some patrons at the museum when my coworker came to get me. “I’m sorry, there’s a delivery for you at the front. He said he needs your signature” she said quietly. 

I followed her back to the front desk to see a gorgeous arrangement of flowers. The delivery man checked his clip board, “Are you Y/N Y/LN?”

“That’s me,” I nodded.

Once I’d signed for it and he was walking away I turned my full attention to the bouquet. 

“Who is it from?” My coworker asked excitedly. “They’re beautiful.” 

I knew before I even read the card who they were from. “My boyfriend.” I smiled opening the card to read his message. It was a sweet, poetic note with KNJ signed at the bottom. “We’re long distance at the moment.” I explained, tucking the note back into the envelope. 

“This is so sweet, though. I didn’t realize you were seeing anyone.” 

“Oh yeah, it’s still relatively new. He’s rather private though, so I don’t really advertise it.” I smiled. “I’ll move these to the back so that they’re not in the way.” It was also an excuse to be able to text Namjoon privately. 

I picked the vase up and made my way to the back. I was able to really take in the different flowers. Knowing Namjoon he had purposely picked each one when ordering the bouquet. I took a picture of it and sent it to him. 

I don’t think either of us were fully prepared for the long distance part of being together. We knew it would be a big part of our relationship if we gave it a go, but it wasn’t something that we could have easily prepared for. 

Me: These are stunning. I love them, thank you. 

Namjoon: Beautiful flowers for my beautiful woman.

Me: How are the schedules going?

Namjoon: Non-stop. The song drops in a few days. Then we have the month to get ready for our muster. 

Me: What’s that?

Namjoon: A fan meeting and concert.

Namjoon: I have to go, sorry Jagiya.

Later that afternoon Namjoon sent me a series of silly selfies. It was obvious he was getting his hair done and I realized he was changing it from the pink to something else. 

A bit later he sent the final results, a silvery-gray. It was quite striking, and gave a whole different vibe from the pink. I realized they changed their hair quite often from watching some of their older content.

Me: I’m a bit sad to see the pink go.

Namjoon: It is iconic, isn’t it?

The day before the new song dropped, I was surprised by a morning video call from Namjoon. While I didn’t need to go into work, I was already up. I knew that they were flying in sometime, but had thought it was much later in the day. So I figured the call was during a layover. Part of my confusion could still be attributed to the time differences. 

“Morning, beautiful.” Namjoon smiled on screen. 

“You’re in a good mood,” I laughed. I could hear the other guys in the background, then the camera shook before I saw Jungkook pop up as well as if he were hanging off Namjoon. 

“We’re coming to see you,” Jungkook grinned. 

“No, I’m going to see her. You guys are going to the house.” Namjoon corrected. 

“Wait, you’re already here?” 

“Just got to the cars, leaving the airport now,” he grinned. “So, can I come over? I’ve got a few hours before I have to be at the studio for a taping.” 

“Yeah, I’m home.” I nodded, smiling. “You still have the code?” I had given him the code to the building in the weeks before he’d gone home. 

“Yeah, I’ll see you soon.” 

I was giddy with excitement when I hung up. With traffic it would be a little while before he got there, but knowing he was coming made me happy. It was likely the other guys were all going back to the house they were renting to rest before they had to be at the studio. He should have been doing that too, but I knew where his mind was at. We’d just had our first taste of long distance and he was closing that distance as soon as he could. 

A bit later there was a knock on my door. I’d just about got it open when he took one long stride in and picked me up in a big hug. I smiled, wrapping my arms around him tightly. I knew what people might say, that this was just a honeymoon phase of a relationship. Maybe it was. We were figuring things out and it was a fresh relationship. I still had troubles wrapping my head around the fact that the Namjoon that just swooped in pulling me into a tight hug was the same man I saw all across various media. He was two sides of the same coin. Leader of the k-pop sensation BTS, but also just… Kim Namjoon. 

“I’ve missed you,” He murmured against my neck. 

We made no plans, he was exhausted from traveling and having a schedule later that afternoon. So instead we stayed in, settled on the couch and just talked. He shared with me the new song that would be dropping in the morning. It was definitely upbeat and sounded different from their older stuff. Which had made it’s way into my music rotation. As we talked, he’d laid down with his head in my lap and I just ran my fingers through his, now silver, hair. I told him about the upcoming exhibit the museum was going to feature. We had talked about all of this through text and on the phone, but it felt different being together. I noticed that he’d gone quiet as I continued to run my fingers through his hair. That was when I realized, he’d fallen asleep. 

Show day, it didn’t matter how many concerts the guys put on, the energy was always electric. At first it was like an undercurrent but the closer they got to going out there, the more it came to the surface. 

~2026~

Namjoon let me sleep in while he went down to the hotel gym with Jungkook. I had some things to work on in preparation for being on the road for the next couple of months. Then I would head down to the stadium. One thing I liked to do was be among the fans, blend in, talk with them. They had such an energy and to be among it I felt the love the guys had from and for their fans. It was different than social media posts, the excitement was palpable. It was one perk of our relationship being private. Everything would change if Namjoon or any of the others decided that it was time to go public with their personal lives. 

By the time Namjoon had come back to the room from the gym I was up and working on my laptop. I was working on some things for the exhibit that Namjoon was curating with his collection as well as remotely consulting with someone about their exhibit. He came up behind me seeing the catalogue of pieces pulled up on my laptop. 

“That one would look nice in the front room at home." He pointed before leaning down to steal a kiss. 

“It would,” I agreed. He had such an eye when it came to art.

“Are you coming with me to the stadium, or going later?” He asked as he went to get a clean set of clothes so he could shower. 

“I don’t want to be in the way, I think I’ll go closer to when gates open.”

“You know you’re never in the way, Jagiya.” He shook his head, this wasn’t our first go-round when it came to shows. “You’re planning on hanging around before coming backstage, aren’t you?” I smiled looking up at him. “Just be careful, alright?” 

“Always.” I nodded, “When do you guys have to get down to the stadium?” 

“An hour. I’m going to shower, take a few, then we’re going over for initial checks.” I knew their show day schedule was usually pretty packed, especially on day one in a city. “Make sure you get your pass from the staff. I don’t want anyone giving you trouble at the venue.” 

Most of the staff on tour knew who I was, they’d been working with the guys for years, but I could understand his concern because of the venue’s own staffing. They obviously wouldn’t know who I was. 

“Joon?” I leaned back so that I was looking up at him. 

“Yes, Jagiya?” 

“You have enough to think about with the concert. My being here… You’re not supposed to worry about me.” I smiled.

Namjoon kissed the top of my head, “I know, I know.” he chuckled. 

He showered and was soon heading off to the stadium. I stayed at the hotel for a bit longer finishing up work and checked in with Yuna. 

I got ready and met with the staff that was bringing me by the stadium. I was wearing a pair of shorts and sneakers with the RM jersey from the tour. When we got to the stadium, the staff member turned and handed me my pass and anything else I needed to get in. I’d hang around through sound check then I’d go backstage. I had the freedom to come and go. 

Me: What did you decide?

Yuna: Ara and I will meet you all in Mexico city.

Me: Do you want me to fly home after El Paso, so that you’re not traveling alone with Ara?

Yuna: You don’t have to do that, Y/N. 

Me: Traveling that far and long with a toddler will be exhausting.

Yuna: How about you just offer to babysit one night once I'm there?

Me: Deal. You and Yoongi need a night.

The atmosphere of their fans had intimidated me the first time I’d found myself in a situation like this. Now I intentionally sought it out. I loved watching the way they interacted with one another, it was mostly all positive. Occasionally you might witness a less than stellar interaction, but those were far and few between. Army were protective of the guys, and they were protective of Army. I had a couple of girls approach me to hand me freebies, which I thanked them for before tucking the small gifts away. I don’t know why I enjoyed this, I think it was seeing another side to the guys’ success. They had already been at the height of their success when Namjoon and I had first met. I’d been with him through their indefinite hiatus from group activities, their military enlistment, and now this comeback. It was evident that Army hadn’t gone anywhere and whatever heights they were at before, they were still climbing. I also loved the way people shared their stories, how they found BTS or what BTS meant to them. It amazed me the way the seven of them had brought all of these people together. I knew Namjoon didn’t fully understand why I liked coming out and doing this. I think some of it was because I knew they couldn’t. I was able to bring back stories to them. 

Me: At the stadium.

Namjoon: Coming backstage?

Me: After soundcheck.

As I was passing the merch line I spotted a younger fan and her mother. I’d guess she was maybe thirteen or fourteen. The girl was frantically looking for something. That’s when I overheard them. 

“My wallet… It’s gone. I think I dropped it.” She looked as though she was about to cry. “All my money I saved up…” 

“Do you remember the last time you had it?” Her mother asked quietly. I could see it in her mother’s expression that she knew if it was gone, it was likely gone.

“By the car.” Her voice cracked. “I’ve been saving forever.” 

“Honey…” The mother looked nearly as devastated as her daughter. 

I turned back to them, “Uhm… excuse me. I’m sorry, but I couldn’t help but overhear.” I looked between them. “I would like to help. I don’t think I’d be much help with the lost wallet outside of notifying staff. But clearly you were saving up for something.” 

The girl nodded, “A light stick and a a shirt.”

“If it’s okay with your mom, I’d love to get that for you. I have no intention of buying merch for myself, so please don’t think I am trying to jump into line here. My sole intention would be to purchase for you.” 

“Oh no… No we couldn’t.” 

“Please? I’d really like to do this for you and your daughter.” I smiled at her.

Hesitantly, she finally nodded. I saw the way the young teen lit up. 

At first a few people behind us did raise a bit of a fuss. They even tried to call staff over but when the staff member came over to talk I smiled and quietly stepped back out of line to explain the situation. It was venue staff, so I showed them the staff pass I had been given for back stage. “I really am just trying to do something nice for a mother and daughter.”  They finally nodded letting me rejoin them while going to address the naysayers. 

Standing in line I got to know them. The mother had been saving up for the tickets having been a fan from debut. Her daughter had quite literally been raised on BTS. I enjoyed hearing their story. When we finally got up to the merch booth I looked at them knowing there might be some push back, but I meant what I was offering. 

“I want you both to pick out whatever you want. I will buy it. I understand you might think it’s too much but…. Your story is very sweet and I think you deserve this.” 

The mother indeed did push back a bit. Even her daughter shook her head with wide eyes. In the end I had managed to convince them that I was being sincere. Neither of them were greedy though, the daughter got her light stick and a couple of shirts and the mother only picked out a hoodie and hat. I suggested the cradle for her light stick and one of the toppers. They had also expressed they hadn’t bought the albums because they’d been saving up for this trip. Did I spoil them? Maybe. The mother’s eyes went wide at the total, I paid. I knew Namjoon would be happy to hear that I had made their day. 

As we left the merch line, the girl was beaming. “Can we take a picture with you?” 

“Oh, sure, that’d be okay.” I nodded. I’ve taken pictures with people before when wandering around. My face wasn’t out there. If it ever did come out that I was Namjoon’s wife, well… there would be people with good stories like this one. 

After we took a picture both their phone and mine, the mother was still thanking me. “Do you have a social we could follow you on?” 

“Oh, no. I tend to stay off social media.” I smiled. Not a complete truth. I was on, but I didn’t share my accounts. “I really hope you enjoy the concert, I know the guys are going to put on a great show.” They knew I’d been to at least one other stop on the tour, but believed it as a fan. 

As I walked away I heard the girl excitedly talking about the whole experience with her mother. It stirred that feeling again from before. But I pushed it aside. 

Sound check was… Interesting. I saw the frustration on the guys’ faces afterwards as they were leaving the stage. Hobi had no poker face and Tae had outright thrown the toy back out at the crowd that someone had thrown on stage. I slipped out as they were walking backstage. I found one of their staff who easily let me back. 

I met the guys back at the green room. Namjoon’s jaw was tense, but his expression softened when he spotted me. 

“What’s today’s stories from the crowd?” He asked with a knowing smirk. I was sure if he had his phone he got the notification of the charge earlier. It wasn’t because of a lack of trust. I actually disliked spending money on myself. The notifications were simply tied to that card. 

“I think you’re going to like this one, Joonie.” I smiled as he brought his arm around my shoulders. 

I showed him the selfie of the mother and daughter, if they knew I was showing RM their photo they would lose their minds. Jungkook also popped over peeking over my shoulder to look at the picture. I told them what had been shared with me and how the girl had lost her wallet. 

“You’re a good one, Jagiya.” Namjoon smiled. I could see that the story seemed to lighten their moods a bit after how sound check had gone. 

While they were getting ready, I hung out with them. They were all in various stages of being ready and fooling around. Their energy was starting to amp up. Yoongi came over and sat with me while Namjoon was in the chair for his make-up.

“I talked to Yuna this morning, I offered to fly home so that she wasn’t traveling alone with Ara to Mexico.” I told him. 

“Let me guess, she declined your offer.” He raised a brow. 

“Yep. I’ve thought about ignoring her and just going.” I shrugged, but I also knew Yuna. 

When it was time for the guys to go out, I followed along to where they would come and go from the stadium. I loved watching how each of the guys were amped up to go out there.

Namjoon was bouncing around. He turned and saw me, running back with a smile. “Kiss for luck?” 

“You don’t need luck.” I smirked.

~2022~

What happens when an internationally known k-pop idol and music producer gets involved in your issues? I was finding out. It had been a month since I had made that call to Yoongi. My life felt like it had been turned upside down. I spent the first week in the hotel room. A new phone and laptop showed up as did some clothes all within the first couple of days. Yoongi gave me space but did check in. I didn’t know how to handle any of it. I still didn’t fully understand why he was helping me to the extent that he was. Truly I thought the man couldn’t stand me when we had been working together. He’d told me it was far from the truth the same night he had offered his help initially. 

Yoongi offered all this support and when I felt up to it we revisited the track to see what we could salvage. Through it, more than a working relationship started. An actual friendship seemed to be forming. When we did work I wasn’t having to worry about how late we worked or any of that. Which meant we took breaks, maybe shared a meal, and talked. Yoongi was still paying for me to stay at the hotel. After what had happened, I had managed to break things off. It didn’t mean I felt safe going back to the apartment for my things despite going no contact and a restraining order. 

The biggest change came with the decision to relocate. We were wrapping up the project, having recreated the work that had been lost with my laptop. It had been about two and a half weeks since the attack. I knew that I needed to start figuring out what I was going to do next. Whether it was looking at new apartments, working up to going back to mine, or whatever other options I might not have thought of. As we were listening to the final track, Yoongi looked over at me. 

“Have you considered moving out to California?” The question felt like it came out of nowhere. 

“Honestly, I haven’t thought past tomorrow.” I sighed, leaning back in my chair. 

“There are a lot of opportunities out there, producing.” 

“My whole life has already been turned upside down. It’d be crazy to completely uproot and move cross country, Yoongi.” I shook my head. 

“It’d put distance between you and your ex.” he pointed out. “I’m back and forth between Korea and LA more than I’m out here.”

My brows raised at this, “I wouldn’t have…” 

“Nari lives there, she’s already offered to let you stay with her until you get on your feet. If you decided you wanted to make that kind of move.” 

“Yoongi, you can’t just make plans for me and think… I don’t know, that I would just outright agree to something like that? I don’t even know Nari.” I was still getting used to the fact that we were even friends when the first month of knowing one another we were constantly at one another’s throats. 

“I wasn’t making plans for you. I was creating a safe option for you to start fresh.” He looked at me, completely straight faced and matter-of-fact. “Nari is Namjoon’s girlfriend.” 

That conversation had only been the start. A month later, I was starting fresh in California. 

Things just sort of happened. So, what happens when an internationally known k-pop idol and music producer gets involved in your issues? You find your life on a very different path. One that’s completely unexpected. 

I was staying with Nari while I got on my feet, I had connected with a few contacts, things were sort of falling into place. There were wounds that were still healing. While all of my physical injuries were gone, I was dealing with other wounds that had been left my that relationship. We had been together for about a year and a half. He had always been rough or controlling but it had only been within the last few months of the relationship that it had begun to escalate and get more physical. Until what had happened that night. Truth was, if it wasn’t for Yoongi, I might have gone back. I wouldn’t have felt as though I had any other options. 

Things with Yoongi though were… complicated. 

A friendship had formed there, but I was also trying to keep some distance. I was afraid of getting attached as a trauma response. He’d been the one to save me. I couldn’t let that cloud my thoughts. Getting to know him though, I was drawn to him. But there continued to be that part of me that thought I was just drawn to my white knight. 

He was currently back in Korea. Nari and I were getting closer too, I found myself opening up to her more about everything that had happened leading up to me taking over her guest room. We were sitting in the living room watching something, but I was more focused on my phone. 

Yoongi: How was that demo you were working on?

Me: Trying to work my magic, but there’s only so much I can do with what I was given.

Yoongi: Send it to me, I can take a look.

I sent him a snippet of the song I had on my phone, smiling at his response. 

Yoongi: You’re going to need to be a miracle worker.

“Are you taking to Yoongi?” I looked up to see Nari watching me with a smirk. 

“What? Oh yeah, we were talking about the track I was working on today.” I nodded, not realizing I still had that small smile. 

“You only smile like that when you’re talking to him.” She pointed out. 

“We’re just friends, Nari.” I shook my head. “There’s nothing going on between us. Nothing can happen between us.” 

“He cares about you, you know.” I don’t answer her as I look down at my phone. “The night after…” She didn’t need to fill in what she was talking about, we both knew. “He was on the phone for hours with Namjoon.” 

“I still don’t understand why he stayed, or why he’s done all of this for me.” 

“Because, he cares about you.” She repeated. “He hasn’t outright said it, but I see it. The way he treats you, the way he watches you. You didn’t hear him on the phone that night, Y/N. Joonie has known him for years and it seemed to even throw him.” 

“We’re friends.” I said quietly. 

“I told Namjoon I only wanted to be friends,” She smirked. “That lasted about three weeks.” 

About a week later Namjoon had made time in his schedule for Nari to come visit him. It left me in the empty apartment while she was gone and it was the first time I’d truly been alone since everything had happened. In the hotel Yoongi had been across the hall. I’d never gone back to my apartment except to pack up my things, BTS security with me per Yoongi’s request. Then I’d been here with Nari. I thought I’d be alright, but I wasn’t handling it well at all. I was jumpy, startled by the slightest of sounds. Walking home I felt like I was watching over my shoulder more, despite knowing I was safe. 

The second night I was curled up on the couch trying to find something on streaming to distract me when there was a knock at the door. You either needed to be let in or have a code. I hadn’t let anyone in, so it had spiked my anxiety. Slowly, I got up to walk to the door. There was another knock this one almost softer before I heard a familiar voice, call out. 

“Y/N, 예요.” Y/N it’s me. 

 Opening the door, I found myself face to face with the last person I expected. “Yoongi, what are you doing here?” 

“I came so that you weren’t alone.” He stepped in and I saw the bag over his shoulder. 

“Why do you….” I felt the threat of tears as relief washed over me. I couldn’t explain it. 

“Because I want you to feel safe, Y/N.” 

Yoongi: I need you to send me the track.

~2022~

Yoongi hadn’t heard from Y/N for three days after they’d gotten stranded overnight at the studio. After he had pushed about her boyfriend they had kept their distance for the rest of the night. When morning came and things had cleared up, they had gone their separate way. He couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong though. It was distracting him from some of the conversations that were taking place within the group about their own direction. Decisions were being faced in regards to their future. 

At first he tried to phrase the texts to be around work. But when each one went unanswered, his tone shifted slightly. 

Yoongi: Can you call me? It’s about the track. 

Until it got to the point where he outright voiced his concern. 

Yoongi: Y/N are you safe? Please respond.

*~*~*~*~*

I read each and every one of Yoongi’s texts. At first they had felt professional, but by the time the last one came through it honestly felt like a concerned friend. I had been treading carefully with my boyfriend. Lying about my phone dying when instead I had turned it off. Lying about the fact that Yoongi had also been at the studio overnight with me. I was building a whole web of lies around myself, all out of necessity. I realized how bad it could be if he knew the truth. Not that anything had actually happened between the idol and myself. After he had pushed about what was going on with my relationship, we’d barely spoken the rest of the night. At some point we’d each managed to fall asleep. The lies were essential.

However, I couldn’t maintain them. I was trying to be so careful, yet I had still slipped. I had left my laptop open with an email up from one of the assistants at the studio. I hadn’t finished reading it when I had stepped away, so I hadn’t known that she had mentioned the night of the storm, asking about being stranded with Suga. He’d seen it. Realizing that I had been lying, he’d lost his mind. It had all escalated so fast that I had actually feared for my life. 

When he had left, I sat on the floor with tears streaming down my cheeks. Staring at my destroyed laptop with everything that we’d worked on for the past three weeks. There were back ups, but none were the final product. I should have sent it to Yoongi sooner. 

Yoongi. 

His concern that night played back, the way I had brushed him off. Despite how much we hadn’t gotten along, there had been a concern there. In my current state, that was the thought I latched onto. My phone had been kicked under the couch. I winced as I got down onto my stomach and reached to fish it out. Pushing myself back up, I saw the screen was cracked. 

“Call BTS Suga.” I had to use voice, unable to navigate the screen. I felt an odd sense of relieve hearing it ring. 

“Y/N.” Yoongi answered and I swore there was no edge to his voice. 

“I was wrong.” My voice cracked. “I need your help, Yoongi.” 

“Where are you? I’ll come to you.” 

“My apartment. He’s gone, but I don’t know when he will come back.” 

“I’m coming, Y/N.” 

I had given him the address. I don’t know how much time actually passed before when the knock came. It took me a moment, but I managed to get to the door. I knew I looked like hell. My face wasn’t bad besides the split lip and the tear stains. My hair was definitely a mess. I didn’t want to think about what my clothes might be hiding. It wasn’t just Yoongi at the door though. He had two men with him that I didn’t recognize. I didn’t realize they were a security detail, it would have made sense if I had. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know who else to call.” I had friends, but they all saw my boyfriend as this amazing guy. Yoongi had been the only one who had managed to see glimpses behind the curtain. 

The three of them took in the state of my apartment. The smashed laptop, my cracked phone. Several other broken things. But worst of all, me. 

“Did he…” Yoongi didn’t finish his question, shaking his head. There was a darkness in his expression. One that went beyond our continued disagreements in the studio. This was something else. 

I felt like I was moving on autopilot. I sat in the backseat of the dark SUV, unsure where we were going as I stared out the window. Yoongi hadn’t said anything since we had left the apartment. When we stopped, I looked up and realized they’d brought me to the hospital. One of the members of his security went in to speak to the hospital staff. I don’t know what they’d said, because never had I ended up in a bed in one of the private bays so fast. I went through all the motions, answering questions. Yoongi sat in the chair beside the bed the whole time. I didn’t understand why he was lingering like this. Yes, I had called him for help. But this felt liek going far beyond what I had expected. Then again, what had I expected. 

It was a long night, but Yoongi didn’t budge from that spot unless he needed to so that I had the privacy to change or for an exam. While we were waiting for the discharge papers, I looked over at him. 

“Why are you staying?” I asked quietly. 

“Because you shouldn’t be alone, and you asked for my help.” 

“I don’t know why I called you, after he left all I could think about was that night we stayed at the studio.” I explained. 

“I’m glad you called me, Y/N.” His tone was gentle, unlike the edge he typically had when we were in the studio. 

“Yoongi, the track was on my laptop. I’m not sure if the final version will be salvageable or not.” I knew he had seen the destroyed tech. 

“We have earlier versions, we’ll be fine. We figured it out before, we’ll figure it out again. I’m not worried about that.” 

“You’re the only person that saw through it all.” It was likely why I had been so defensive. Because I hadn’t been prepared for someone to see through the cracks in the facade. 

“I’m just more observant than most.” 

When I was discharged, I wasn’t sure where I was going to go. But I hadn’t needed to say anything. The members of staff that had stayed with us drove us straight to a hotel. A few minutes later I had a hotel key in hand and we were going to the elevator.